7 year old misbehaving at after school club

[squirrelnut]

I’ve got issues with my DS age 7 at after school club.

Parents evening was fine except a few minor behaviour issues in school but generally fine and good reports.

But he’s not the same at after school club and I know the TA’s are really struggling with him. I work full time and I was called into see the head a few months ago and told they might refuse to have him if this continued. He settled down a bit but he’s been awful tonight and TA said she’s told his teacher.

Without afterschool care I will lose my job.

I have 3 in the afterschool club and the other 2 are fine. There are very few childminders in the area and 3 primary boys isn’t an attractive proposition.

I’ve tried and failed to find an after school nanny.

Feeling really shit tonight and assume the head will call me tomorrow

What has he done that was so awful this afternoon? What type of behaviour has caused issues in the past?

Any changes at home for you recently?

Can his teacher advise on behaviour management techniques if he's fine during school hours?

What is he doing and why? What does he say about it? Apart from threatening to take his place away are the school putting a plan in place around managing his behaviour?

Pushed 2 other children.

Last time I was called into the head’s office he had run past (and knocked over and cracked) an expensive Perspex tube thing which they use to collect tokens they earn for doing good things.

They had been warned to be careful of it.

I didn’t say anything but I do feel that if something is very precious / expensive it probably should be kept out of the way but maybe I am wrong.

I guess it’s my fault for having my children in childcare 8am-5pm so they are tired and irritable sometimes. I feel like such an awful parent.

When quizzed he said he was angry because the other children said unkind words. I don’t know if that’s true or not though.
He’s such a lovely boy I always get such nice comments about him from Sunday school / holiday clubs etc.

Sorry to respond to changes - I have started a new job this week but same hours and close to home. He was on a residential trip last week and was very tired this weekend. No behaviour issues on the trip in fact teacher said he was fab.

If its just the after school club, what’s different? Could it be that he’s getting bullied and they’re not seeing it?

It seems odd that everywhere else, including the residential trip he’s fine, but the club is where it all kicks off.

Don’t beat yourself up for having them in after school club OP, needs must.

The only thing I can see is that it’s TAs running the club rather than teaching staff, his 2 brothers are there and the room is quite small for the amount of children they have (which I think they will address in Sept)

What did he say other children were saying? Half of me wonders if they know he’s on his last warning and are deliberately trying to wind him up and get a reaction.

I used to hate any kind of child care, I was fine mostly at school but would do anything to disrupt and make things difficult for childminders, nannies, after school club stuff. Looking back I just wanted my mum and to be at home after a long . I didn’t have close friends at after school club and didn’t like the activities there (it didn’t matter what they were).

Now as a working parent myself I feel very bad now as I it must’ve made things so difficult for my mum .

He’s fine at weekly beavers, Sunday school (where you leave them in the group) and several different types of holiday club though

My daughter hated the after school club at her school. Im not suprised there was nothing to do.

He does like to be busy and engaged....

Can he take something with him to do there?

My 7yr old likes the minecraft activity books on amazon and the Harry Potter adult colouring book. Get him a nice set of pens too...would that help?

Yes I could send him with a little bag I’ll try that tomorrow thanks. I don’t want them to think I’m rewarding him for his behaviour though!
I take it really personally and feel awful but at the same time I do expect them as professionals to be able to manage this kind of behaviour.

What behaviour management do they have in place, are there rewards to work for, being chosen to play football first etc.
What sanctions do they have, time out etc.
I used to run an asc and we worked hard to ensure ch were included

Don’t feel bad, loads of children use wrap around school provision. My DS loves his as it’s an extended play time (his best mate also goes). It helps that they have a large outdoor space, computers and do activities with them.

I think that the activity bag sounds like a good idea. Also raise it that other children were being unkind to him, that shouldn’t be dismissed. However at year 2, he should know how to behave and the consequences of not doing so.

Good luck, I balance work and parenting, it is stressful. When I’m at work I feel guilty I’m not with the children, when I’m at home I feel guilty that I’m not pulling my weight at work (I work pt).

Our afterschool club has bean bags and TV. Kids that need to can just chill. Some parents sniff at it, but I love it. They also have lego, crafts, outdoor space etc. Often my very sporty kids are flat out on bean bags when I arrive at 5.45 lol

If you think of behaviour as a form of communication, then the question is: What is he trying to tell you? Once you know this, you can find the solution.

e.g.
He sounds like a child who needs to be physically active - does he need to get to go outside and let off steam?

Is he tired and hungry after a long day at school, so on a short fuse, which he describes as getting angry (frustrated when things don't go his way)?

It sounds like you have a busy lifestyle - does he misbehave as it guarantees getting your attention? He could be playing up as he knows that persistent misbehaviour will get him sent home - he won't have the concept of the impact on the family of you losing your job as your attention is more important to him than money.

I don't think you should worry about rewarding bad behaviour as 7 year olds are much more short term in terms of rewards. (If he throws a tantrum and you give in that's rewarding bad behaviour. If there's a long term problem and you take steps to handle it that's not rewarding bad behaviour).

It could well be that since the other kids know he's easily wound up (probably because he's tired) they're provoking him on purpose. Is he getting enough time to chill out on his own - is there outside space? A confined space with lots of loud children after a long day at school could be stressful for some children. Is there space for him to be alone with a book?

Is he having enough to eat at after-school club? If they're offering snacks is he eating them? Being hangry can turn the best of us a bit wild and children do tend to come out of school ready to eat a horse. Might be worth checking and sending a snack with him if needs be.

Today he went to a sport activity so was fine and then my partner collected them an hour early as I just couldn’t bear any more upset!
I was expecting a call from the head but nothing yet.
I am exploring alternatives which would suit him better as yes space is very tight and they get a piece of toast or a biscuit and a glass of squash. I think that’s hard for him too as he’s a big boy with a healthy appretite. We are not encouraged to send extra snacks