how to know if dc is 'school ready'/ should i delay?

[Tortycat]

Ds1 turns 4 mid july and is due to start school in sept. However the head has (begrudgingly) allowed us to apply for a place in reception next year instead as i didnt feel he was ready for school. However he's come on a lot in the last month and I'm now in a dilemma about when he should start. i still think he seems very young compared to other school starters, but wondered how other children are managing to get some context.

a) He's very shy - struggles with a larger group (eg 5 kids), though much more confident with only 1 other child. At parties he will generally cling to me rather than join in.
b) only recently toilet trained for wees, and still demands a nappy for poos. if i dont give him one he ends up witholding and getting constipated so i havent pushed it too much yet
c) still naps most days (wont go to bed but will nod off in the car or on the sofa while I'm getting his younger brother down).

Development wise he's doing fine eg can count to 20, knows alphabet etc.

What helped you feel your dc was/is ready for school?
in hindsight, do you regret sending your summer born dc early or feel this was best?

I wouldn't defer. Your child may very well end up being embarrassed, particularly when they are at secondary school, about being significantly older than the rest of their class. It may not seem important now, but I know a couple of teenagers who really hate it.

I've read on here that being out of your cohort can cause problems for secondary school (ie they may insist on taking him as a Y8, he may not qualify for sports as too old etc). Something worth finding out about before you decide.

I am summer born as was next door neighbours child. She was deferred and I wasn’t, she and a couple of others were in the year below at primary, but the secondary insisted they had to be the correct age so they basically missed year 6 at primary. The others were all really unsettled at secondary and never really caught up and neve quite fitted in. I wouldn’t risk deferring, it would be odd to go through school, college, uni always being the ‘wrong’ year.

DC2 wasn't as young for the year as your DC is but he always bounced along the bottom of the "normal" range of development so I was a bit concerned about him starting. For us, what swung it was that he was expecting to start along with the group of friends he'd spent 3yrs at nursery with and I couldn't imagine how confused he'd be if they all went to school and he stayed at Nursery. Also, whilst the September borns were similar to him and many were way ahead of him, those who were summer borns in the year below him were much younger than him.
Of course, I'll never know if it was the right decision but he's got a lovely group of friends and seems to be about middle of the road academically at the moment.

i wimped out and avoided calling the school as i cant decide! ideally i dont want him standing out as the oldest or struggling as one of the youngest, which are the choices i have, never mind risk of being made to skip a year. i do worry he will feel embarrassed when he's older, but he's also quite small so i feel physically he may fit in better in the year below. he shows no interest in going to school so i dont think he'd mind his pre school friends going. at a recent party he seemed more mature than the girl turning 3, but far less confident than a lot of the other children. oh god i am dreading tomorrow!

Why not start him in September and if he's struggling by October half term or Christmas, withdraw him and reapply for next year? Applications close mid-Jan 2019.

The only child i lnow that really benefitted from starting later is a boy who was born 9 weeks early in August and had to have extensive surgery. he spend his first year pretty much in hospital and was by no means ready for school age 4 (well, actually 3 as his due date was November!)
Our neighbour's daughter (late august born, 1 month early) was at a similar developmental stage as your son and is doing fine

My DD is 4 next week and off to school in Sept. She is my 2nd so knows the school very well and I love the reception set up so off we go!!!!
She is going to love the social side of school and knows half the class cause of nursery, Ive not worried about getting her "school ready" as such as she cant write her name but does know some letters and numbers.. but it totally toilet trained and can dress herself...
Im interested to see how she gets on!

If I could have deferred DS2 without missing the reception year I would have. He has managed, but it is harder for him than it needed to be. He could have done with another year (even 2 in nursery) and even now in Y3 if I could have him repeat a year with the younger cohort I'm sure he would be happier.

I think it can cause more issues to be older in a class, than go a bit early.

It's a low birth rate this year for reception so possible class won't be at capacity do more focus and support available.

I'd find out how long they're happy for your dc to go just mornings for and give it a go.

Also I've heard although he doesn't slip to yr 1 that he might skip yr 6 to join his cohort in yr 7. Nightmare.

currently skipping Y6 is about the best incentive I could think of for holding back a year....

but I am 100% certain that won't be how they deal with it