What , if anything, does YOUR school do to deter bullying??

[filthymindedvixen]

Really curious to know. Our school mentions bullying policy in prospectus but tbh, seems not to be worth the paper it's written on.
My children are not being bullied BTW, but others seem to be.
My ds says having spoken to his friends at other schools, his school (and I quote) sucks!!

Our school sounds similar to yours (primary). my children have absolutely no confidence that if they approach a teacher regarding another child that it will be dealt with. Recently my six year old had her fingers bent back by a boy in her class, on telling her teacher she got told off
I know a mum who is pulling her dd out of the school because of its lack of action on bullying.

quite, Quad. Got me thinking what we can do to change things.

Its difficult I'd imagine for teachers, but at the same time they have a responsibility for the wellbeing of the teacher. I guess I would become dismissive if i had kids constantly telling tales, but it is their responsibilty to deal with these situations each on their own merits and judge how they should respond. My children have said to me about children in their class being hurt by others and when I asked if the teacher had been told the said there is no point as they won't do anything. Six year olds IMO shouldn't feel this way, they should know a teacher will listen.

wellbeing of the pupil.

the school do all the right things on paper, friendship stops, school mantras that sort of thing, but in practice its pretty poor.

After 1 child bit 2 others, kicked my ds in the balls twice and continuously slapped my ds and after pleading with the school 5 times over 3 years, my dh went to the pub where bully's Dad drinks and said if you dont teach your ds a bit about respect, I will teach you. Final warning. Hey presto, no more bullying. Although dh is just waiting for the chance to go and give him a decent spank because he is such an arse

Hang on - I am a teacher. Lots of children at my school get hurt by others on a regular basis - similar to the finger bending. Some of these are an accident, some on purpose. However, these are not bullying incidents. Bullying is persistant over months. 1 or 2 or even 3 incidents does not = bullying. However, I do not turn a blind eye to these suitations, but there is often more than 1 side to a story. 2 wrongs do not make a right, but to children it is easier to hit back than to deal with it in another way. I try and educate my childrne on what to do if (1) someone annoys them - don;t hit them, (2) if someone hits you don't hit them back etc. However, lots of parents tell their children well if so and so hit you you hit them back so the children are getting mixed messages and so are confused.

I would also be mortified if someone saidf my school sucks - I don;t think it does.

So how we tackle bullying/annoying children in the playgroung is through PHSE lessons - teahcing the childrne to sort things out by using words, telling a grown up etc - through telling a friend by use of drama, role play and disucssions.

I've come to the conclusion that anti-bullying policies are with a few honourable exceptions, an arse-covering exercise for OFSTED.

the problem is cazzybabs if children constantly get away with behaviour and it isn't dealt with then it can lead to bullying.

its also a problem if you educate children to tell a teacher and then when they do nothing is done. Childrens concerns should never be dismissed.

I agree - and so children that hurt others suffer punishment and the other praise (which generally I find more effective than punishment),. Most children that hurt and go on to bully suffer low slef-estemm. Therefore, by telling them they are having the I am naughty behaviour reinforced. By praising those that are good hopefully eventually that child will realise much better to get a sticker for being good.

My point it is it may appear to the other childrne I am doing nothing where as I am doing lots - I really tell a child off in front of other childrne but try and catch them at a quiet time to disucss what they have done that has upset me and others.

And sadly - often the only way a child can deal with a bully is to hit back. Teachers do nothing, head does nothing. A bullied child can only take so much.

I see your point cazzybabs, really I do. i can see how this would be effective in terms of dealing with the bad behaviour, however for the child who is complaining, if they don't see any kind of consequence then how do they know that the teacher is acting, and if the teachers appears no to be acting then why bother>?

which is why I always try and tell the child who has been hurt what I will do about it. And I always thank them for telling me, but I am just thinking why it may appear to filthymindedvixen why her school appear to do nothing.

It comes back to that big bugbear of mine, communication. I agree with Cazzybabs that probably in some cases the schools are doing stuff behind the scenes. But tbh that is simply not good enough, the victim needs to understand that their concerns are being addressed.

It's very redolent of the comms problems the police used to have - there they were, working on the crime, prosecuting the offender, and very often the victim would know nothing whatsoever about it unless they were actually called to court (which didn't necessarily always happen). The police were doing all the right things but the victim felt let down, because no communication was happening. Victim Support has completely changed all that and the police now have a totally different attitude to communicating with the victims of crime, acknowledging that justice also means the victim being kept in the loop.

If the plods can recognise it, schools ought to be able to imo.

Oh it's nice to see it's not just me and Quad having this discussion! (I had to go last night)
Cazzy - it does sound like you are a very caring teacher.
I must stress though, it is my son aged 9, whose perception is that the school does nothing about bullying.
We were talking about it together as one of my friend's DD is having a dreadful time at this school and appears to get little support from the head.
My son also says that boys get really told off but girls don't (This is again, just his perception of things)

I gues,, what i would like to see is some evidence of proactivity, not reactivity in our school.

nothing that I know of.

At our first parent evening, one dad brought this up and was told, we have no problems with that at our school. End of story.

Don't think schools in Germany have a non-bullying policy as such, however I am sure they would try and intervene if something developped. Hope so anyway..

Dh's school has a bully box - rarely used as the school has a good reputation for not tolerating it - but it was suggested by the children in a school council meeting and it's an annonymous box where children can post notes for the Head to read if they feel they are being bullied.

My dc's (9&7) school has an anti-bullying policy, a bully box and also a friendship post.

Apologies if you know what this is but in case you don't, it is a post where if someone has no-one to play with at playtime, then someone will run up and include them in a game. According to dd, it is used ALL the time.

It's value for me is that not only does it mean that no child need be in dread at playtime, but also the children know that they have an obligation in friendship to their peers.

I love the idea and give it a stroke every time I walk past it.

We have a Buddy Stop. Both sons claim that if anyone uses it (looking for someone to play with) some of the nastier kids gather round to laugh and chant 'lo-ser' at them . (Needless to say, both my ds's claim they would never do this. I hope I can believe them)

We have the 'Billy no-mates' bench at dd1s school (dd2 removed because of bullying!)

Interesting that the concept is good - sit here if you need a friend and someone will play with you - but it needs to be reinforced by the adults in the school, and with some schols they just can't be a*d. Gives quite a good indication of how they will tackle bullying.

BTW what does the timescale need to be before the 'isolated incident' becomes bullying. In dd2s case it never lasted more than 2 or 3 days at a time, but she never knew when it was going to be her 'turn'. Sadly the teacher chose to deal with each incident as an isolated case, after going into school 1 or 2 times every half term we gave up.

Lessons on friendship in PHSE are absolutely no use if you then let the children loose at lunchbreak with a gang of MDAs who really couldn't be bothered to take any notice of what was going on.

If a group of girls have resulted in one child being withdrawn (dd2) would it still be classed as an isolated incident when they started on the next one. At this school the comment was 'lets draw a line under it and move on' - same group of girls, same tactics - SAME TEACHER - did she really not give a ff that they had already caused at least one child to leave.

I am really saddened that the friendship post/bench does not work in your dcs schools.

Vixen and Berries - you must both be right about it being necessary for adults to reinforce it - because the post really does work if it is supported by adults. The sort of jeering you both (directly and indirectly) describe absolutely should not be tolerated.

Sorry - one last thought - if friendship posts are a non-starter for various reasons - I have heard of a school running workshops for parents on bullying. I don't know how many schools do this - dc's hasn't.

(Berries - hope DD2 is happy at her new school)

Unfortunately too many teachers seem to think that if you complain about bullying you are complaining about the teacher and get very defensive. The HT at dds school refuses to allow that there may be anything wrong with the school, and therefore will not take steps to solve the problems. My attitude was always that we have a problem, let's sort out a solution, not apportion blame but I do know that a number of parents will go into schools very aggressively (family is full of teachers so do have a lot of sympathy with them, honest)

I think the buddy bench is a fab idea, but the children need to be taught how to use it, in YR/Y1/Y2, by the time they get to juniors it is too late.

Thanks for the enquiry Quattrocentro. DD2 is very happy at her school, has learnt to deal with the 'normal' falling out you get with girls and is a changed child at home also. I didn't realise quite how miserable she was until we got her out.

I also suggested on a number of occassions that the school called in ALL the parents of dd2s year, explained the problems they were having with the year group, steps they were taking to deal with it and asked all parents to discuss it with their child (without naming names, obv). Sadly they decided that the parents of the main perpetrators would take no notice anyway. Might have helped the rest to stick together though, rather than just being thankful they weren't being picked on that week.