How are your Y6s feeling about their upcoming move? Mine is not coping.

[WeaselsRising]

For the past couple of months we have been having regular hysterics about not wanting to leave Primary school. Various people have explained how much more fun Secondary is, plus the fact that all of Y6 are leaving so there would be no point staying, to no avail.

This week one bedtime I went up to more tears, to be told "it's all going too fast; why can't it be the start of Y6?"

I've been really soothing and sympathetic but I'm starting to lose patience with it now. This is DC5 and I don't remember having this reaction from any of the others. Unfortunately most of the class is going to the same local high school. There are about 4 to my knowledge who are going elsewhere, including one other going to the same school as mine.

There is an induction day at the new school next week so fingers crossed that should sort it, but has anyone else got a Y6 doing the same? Or are they all mainly excited to be moving on?

Is your DC upset to be going somewhere different to all their friends?
That might exacerbate it.

DD is well and truly ready to leave primary, and glad to leave what has been a difficult cohort behind, but is not going to the secondary school either she or I would have chosen. She's got distinctly mixed feelings.

Mine has got mixed feelings - happy to leave primary, really excited to have the chance of a fresh start, but daunted by it at the same time.

My other two were more nervous than dc3. Dc1, who appeared super-chilled and super-confident, started crying with fear about it. They were quickly added onto the supplementary transition group, which meant that they had extra visits to the school in smaller groups. These worked wonders. By September dc1 already knew their way around the school, knew several of the teachers and had made some new friends.

Perhaps, rather than soothing your dc, how about agreeing and reflecting their feelings back to them? Allow them to feel sad, let them see that you accept their worries.

Yes mine is a little bit anxious. No tears but we've had to have lots of chats about it and he's very concerned about detentions and potential bullying etc. No idea why as he's never been in trouble at primary and has never been bullied

Just fear of the unknown I think. I've gritted my teeth and been understanding and we work through it all by discussing it to the nth degree

I think I’d drop the ‘secondary school is more fun’ crap and understand how stressful this is for a child who had spent seven years at the same school and is understandably anxious about the move to a big comprehensive school. Your DC needs encouragement and support.

I don't think "secondary is more fun" is the way to go. They'll feel cheated if they don't think so.

I'd be "yes, everyone's nervous, even if they're hiding it well" and talking up aspects of the new school you think she'll like.

My year 6's ( I have 34 of them!) are simultaneously eager to leave primary and anxious about secondary. It's a huge event in their relatively short lives and shouldn't be underplayed. They are losing somewhere they have been for the past 7 years and, in many cases, children they have grown up alongside. Despite feeling "too big" for Primary school, even the most confident amongst them are apprehensive about the unknown-especially those without elder siblings or those that are going to a different school to their siblings/friends ( we have the grammar school system and children move on to a range of secondary schools). We run "emotional well-being sessions" for the most vulnerable but all of them need their anxieties addressed-especially those who "can't wait" to leave as they are often the most anxious!

My dd is nervous but excited. She ready to move on and get away from a difficult cohort. It’s been a long 7 years!
She’s also looking forward to having proper art lessons, it’s her favourite subject and they barely do any art by year 6.

Induction days at secondary are usually reassuring and a chance to feel you will know a few faces in September.

My son was like this last year.
The secondary School gave us a list of worries to discuss and how to deal with the worries. So "I'm worried that I will get lost in secondary school" would have solutions like "everybody in year 7 will be in the same boat" "The school have sent us a map in the post so I can use that" "We can ask somebody for directions" "Teachers will understand if we end up late to class at the beginning"

Do your other dc go to the same secondary? If so, then dc5 may secretly be worried about following in their footsteps. My dc2 was and dc3 is.

Dis said that he'd heard the secondary school is more fun line but that it's not true. Some things are better but others not so much.
Change is hard but it's inevitable in life. My ds has not considered that adults worry too and the new teachers will feel just as nervous as him. They have 30 names to learn each lesson etc

My son was incredibly anxious until a short visit last week. He got to look round the school again, shown round by year sevens who clearly knew how he felt and were so enthusiastic about their school. He also said he felt he knew the head of year better. He gets to spend a full week there in July, but I'm still expecting some anxiety over summer, just as we did when he moved from ks1 to ks2. Some kids find change harder than others, even change they are looking forward to, in my experience.

Thanks everyone for your comments. Seems I'm not really handling it the right way then, and will take on board what you have said. It would be easier if she could give me specifics but the thrust of it from her is not wanting it to happen.

She keeps going on about leaving her friends but she doesn't actually have any . Her current BFF is going to a totally different school in another county, but they are only "best friends" because they are both outsiders and not part of the main clique of the class. The only real friend she has is a boy and I know from experience that even if she went to the same school as him, naturally he will gravitate to the other boys. (Been there, done that, got the T shirt).

Hopefully the induction day will allay some of the worries and they also have an evening meeting for the new parents so I will ask them if they don't mention it (I'm sure they will).

Siblings are all adults and they are the ones telling her secondary is better. No having to follow in their footsteps; I did that and it was hard.

I had this with my eldest. I also began to lose patience as I had tried literally every approach. Kindness, being firm, talking endlessly about it. It did get a bit like 'well, it's happening, so we have to find a way to deal with it'. This book did help a bit, www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0713669748/ref=dbs_a_w_dp_0713669748?tag=mumsnetforum-21

She also couldn't really give specifics and has also struggled with friendships through primary and although I warned her it wouldn't be instant at secondary, she was still upset when it wasn't. It took a good 2 terms for her to find 'her people'.

The walk to school was also a big, big flash point for us. I ended up taking her even though it is a simple walk because she would be in floods of tears. Again, exhausting. I wish I'd just given in sooner tbh, but it was a case of me battling with my internal 'I did this without a problem when I was your age and all your friends are doing it' when I should have just been more sympathetic.

Anyway, I wish you luck as I found the whole thing incredibly stressful and wearing. Highly recommend being less obstinate than me. It hasn't continued and she is much better at getting herself to school and she's made really lovely friends. I suppose it's just finding the approach that works and ignoring what you feel you should be doing. I hold my hands up and say I probably didn't handle it all that well! Good luck!

When I say, 'what you feel you should be doing', I meant complying with societal expectations, if that makes sense! Ignore me if not.

DD is buzzing with excitement about it. The transition here is very good. She has already been to the school three times, met her teacher, head of year, head, deputy head and pastoral team. She has been assigned a year 7 buddy (current y7 cohort) with whom she gets on well and has a disco coming up with all the current y7 DC. They transition in a couple of weeks and their buddy takes them to every class, lunch, to the bus etc so that by September, it's all familiar.

DD is excited about tangible things like drama, creative writing and debate clubs, bigger library, English competitions, travelling on the bus and so on. I expect fear of the unknown will kick in to a degree but they manage it so well that there's more joy at the known reality iyswim.

If you are worried, ask to introduce your DC to the pastoral team now so that transition can be managed early and fear of the unknown doesn't become the predominant emotion.

DD is ready to leave Primary and starts afresh. She has friendship issues as she struggles with lots of unsaid social expectations and often comes across rude and cold. We work on that a lot but while we do help her when she does it on our present we obviously can’t do this in school.

She also moves from a 2form to an 8 form, so the size of the school is a bit daunting. She met with others at an introduction afternoon and came home happy and relaxed.

We will encourage her to swap phone numbers when she meets her form next months so maybe she can start meeting others during the holidays beforehand.

If she doesn't have any friends now I suspect she is worried that it will be the same in senior school.

My DS can't wait to leave year 6. His new school has vertical tutor groups so he is looking forward to being with older kids. He has asd and had always related better to older or younger kids. He struggles with his peers (especially his toxic year 6 class) so we've chosen a different school to the rest of his class.

My DD is anxious about it (she’s anxious generally) but is excited too and SO ready for senior school - she’s really outgrown her small village primary (and she’s the oldest so knows that if she’d been born a week earlier she’d have gone last year!)

They haven’t had transition days yet, but hopefully they are soon. She’s more worried about getting the bus and coping with lunchtimes (cafe system) than anything else. I’ve reassured her that they’re all in the same boat, they will be well supported and buddied up, and I plan to take her first week off work so I can walk her to and from the bus stop.

I’ve been trying to big up all the positives, and as she’s very anti her School at the moment that’s quite easy to do! I’ve had to spend more time reminding her she’s not finished at primary yet so still needs to put the effort in.

I'm pretty sure the induction day will sort this out and make your child feel happier. A lot of effort is put into this day or days to ensure that children get a chance to bond with their peers and engage in fun activities. They will get a tour of the school and a chance to meet their Year Head and Form Tutor. We used to organise the activities in the children's tutor groups so they would get to know each other. Also they do some fun taster lessons with subject teachers. If however, your child comes home still unsure, then I would urge you to talk to either their Year Head or the Primary Liaison Co-ordinator, if they have one. It is their job to make sure that the transition goes smoothly and happily for all children. Having said all this, obviously it is a big deal for your child and I can understand their apprehension in what is a really big event. Good luck OP.

Messy sorry to hear you went through it, but it reassures me a bit. I've ordered the book.

ShowofHands I've just remembered that one of the other schools we were considering suggested pre meetings with the pastoral team. I will call them tomorrow and ask.

reluctatantbrit your DD sounds similar, so I'm pleased she found the induction day reassuring.

Temp DD's new school also has vertical tutor groups. We also deliberately chose a different school to the rest of the class so she could reinvent herself, but obviously that makes the transition hard.

Sidge I'm planning on walking her to the bus stop but I'm concerned she'll suddenly freak and refuse to go on her own. We live on the wrong side of a dual carriageway for her to be able to walk all the way to school on her own so it's going to be a big deal to have to get a bus. We are going to have to do some practice trips on the bus over the holidays, as I've just realised she's only ever been on a public bus once and was 4 at the time

Daphne thanks for the tip about the Primary Liaison Co-ord. I will give them a call. I've just remembered that when my others went to secondary they all had someone from the new school come to the primary to talk to them. Do they still do that?

Thank you all so much, I'm feeling a bit better prepared now.

It was part of my job to visit the primary schools!!! The children always were allowed to put on slips of paper a friend they would like to be in a Tutor Group with and I arranged Tutor Groups accordingly. Obviously other criteria too, a balance of academic abilities, SEN etc. (I understand however that your child doesn't have a particular friend, but I'm sure they will make friends on the induction day). I can honestly say that out of a whole cohort of new Year 7's every year it was only ever a tiny minority of children that were unhappy, if any, and that sometimes was solved by moving Tutor Group - be assured there's always a solution - communication is the key!!!

DD is delighted as she is bored stupid with repetitive SATS work and wants to try more clubs, meet new friends etc. Trying to get her used to being on buses more on her own. She already walks to school so is getting there.

Dd is looking forward to it, and is more than ready.
She worries about detention and bullying.
She's looking forward to different clubs.
What's helped us is she joined the local guide pack in Nov. She now has friends in every year at the school she's going to. I think as long as she sees faces that are familiar my dd will be ok. Does your dd know any older children in the school?