Pressure over primary choice

[Beba11]

I have had a horrible 8 month deciding over primary school choice. I don't want anyone to judge me but I didn't even think about this until I heard comments from certain friends and acquaintances. I have had my child in school A nursery since September, it is outstanding infants with a good juniors and quite large with a 3 form entry. It is 5 minutes walk from our house. There is also a school B which is Good ofsted, small with a one form (soon to be two form) entry and 10 minutes walk away. Now, I was perfectly happy with school A until I saw a few wrinkled noses when I said I chose it over school B. School A is much more diverse, but predominantly working class. I've met all sorts there. School B being much smaller is in a small affluent catchment and our 'normal' road just catches within. It is predominantly middle class. Some of the people I know have really upset me and making me feel guilty saying that in school B I would be surrounded by 'better people'. The word 'chav' has also come up when people describe the school I have chosen and has got me really depressed as I feel some of my friends are really looking down on my school choice. It has made me feel like I am a bad mum and have essentially ruined their future. This may sound ridiculous but it has really upset me.

They sound very snobby. I would just look at both schools very careful and make the best choice for my particular child. Are they better suited to a small environment? What is the ethos of the school like? How much homework do they set is there a pressured environment? Look at how all of these factors will match the needs of your child.

The “better people” are those at School A as they don’t put themselves on a pedestal above others. Just saying........

I had a similar situation when we ended up being shafted by the state school system and ended up at private. Literally at the end of my road is the “must have”, all bells and whistles independent prep. I can’t stand the place. Full of sharp elbows, competitive parenting and a lot of external tuition. We sent our kids to the prep further away because everyone felt much more down to earth, less pressure on the kids and they are always dirty from playing outside. Nobody can believe we chose that school over the other and we are constantly asked why.

My kids are beyond happy and doing exceptionally well academically. We know we made the right choice and don’t have to justify it to others. You shouldn’t have to either.

Gosh I can't imagine that there is rivalry between private schools? To me that is a whole other level. This is what makes me mad. I thought the state school system was bad enough...the pressure of 'are you a bad parent if send your child to the most convenient local school?' Vs 'let's fake rent a property near the better school 20 minutes drive away?' I think this country is turning crazy in terms of school pressure but to think it happens within private schools shows what madness this has turned into

Please don't let this get to you. I feel like I've chosen the school which is seen as 'less good' (although there's nothing wrong with it) or at least that's how a couple of people see it, probably more. I have not gone with what other people think. Who knows if it's the right decision. I don't think we do know really till we start at the school.

I’m confused. Is your child already there or are they starting in September?

We live in the catchment area of an 'outstanding ' primary- hated the place, the head, the attitude of parents who appeared to think they were better than others. Sent my kids to a school that 'required improvement ' (now 'good') as it had the warmest feeling to it, Kids loved going there, wide range of backgrounds. I too had people looking at me as if I'd grown an extra head when I told them my choice, but Kids loved it, they flourished academically and socially and I know it was the best 'fit' for them. Unfortunately the reaction from others to my decision did make me feel I wasn't doing the best for my kids at one point, but I went with my judgment, which is what we need to do as parents. Try not to let what others think bother you.

Thank you. Great feedback.
MsJaneAusten no in September they are starting.

I'm guessing the parents turning up their noses have absolutely no personal experience with the school and are listening to gossip?

My DC went to the equivalent of your school A - they both did well, and I felt it was much more relaxed and less competitive than School B (had friends with DC there) and got them out of a middle class bubble!!

But yes, we did have several years of people looking surprised when I told them which school my DC were at (generally followed by them telling me something about the school that either didn't happen or had happened 15 years ago!).

RedSkyAtNight I know what you mean! I've had people telling me to 'avoid' school A because the juniors had a bad 2 years between 2014-2016 with an interim head teacher. As a consequence the knock on affect was the terrible 2017 SATS results where the Expected Level results were one of the lowest in the area but the Higher than Expected results were above national average. Unfortunately on paper it looks quite bad. Since last years appointment of a new head, she is really turning the juniors around and it has vastly improved. However I am not sure how the 2018 SATS results will be as too early to tell. School B on the other hand has always brilliant SATS results but has never been outstanding which I find quite confusing. Because school B is smaller I do wonder whether it will benefit my boys but at the end of the day it is smaller by one form class with still 30 children in class.