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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Teacher questioning son

58 replies

chezmk1988 · 17/05/2018 09:23

Hi,

I need some advice as I don't want to go into school and over react. Last year my son had a male teacher at school. He's a lovely guy from what I know and is my son's favourite teacher. Last week this male teacher did an after school club which my son attended. Apparently according to my son, this teacher started to ask my son and only my son questions about his home life. His questions were as follows

Your parents seem nice at school. Are they nice at home? ( there's never been concerns about us before and if anything I've been complimented by teachers on my skills as a mother)

do you have any other siblings besides your brother at school? When answered no the teacher then said ' do you think your mum would have anymore children?'

you have a dog don't you? Despite never having seen me with our dog and never being told we had one as it's only recent that we adopted one.

has your mum got a job yet? Not knowing whether I already have one.

On top of this there have been a couple of instances where he's gone out of his way to run over and talk to my son after school etc.

Are these some inappropriate questions or is it me?

OP posts:

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LovingLola · 17/05/2018 10:41

If you have genuine concerns that this teacher is not speaking in an appropriate way to your young boy and that he is singling him out in an unusual way (for whatever reason) then imo you need to raise that with the teacher in the first instance and then the head.

LovingLola · 17/05/2018 10:41

You can preface the conversation by telling him that this is what your child is telling you.

Original poster

chezmk1988 · 17/05/2018 10:51

Yeah, i was going to jump the gun and make accusations but rather ask him about it. I didn't know whether to even do that though as I didn't know if I was over reacting or not and I don't want to open up a can of worms. I don't want to leave it if there is a reason behind it though.

OP posts:

Original poster

chezmk1988 · 17/05/2018 10:51

Wasn't going to jump the gun I meant

OP posts:

dancingthroughthedark · 17/05/2018 11:06

How can you and your son possibly know if he chats to other children and asks them questions? Do you make him report back and question him after every session?

Quickerthanavicar · 17/05/2018 11:10

I'm sorry that you are uncomfortable by the questions that have been asked. Personally I would think it is just conversation. Teachers do chat to children.
However if you have any concerns it is important to explore them, as a governor you could just have a word with the Head after a governing body meeting.

steppemum · 17/05/2018 11:17

I was a parent governor which was given to me on the spot by the head without standing for election as she thought it would suit me

pretty sure this is illegal, and unlikely of head.

Original poster

chezmk1988 · 17/05/2018 11:22

I'm ending this here. To tell me it's unlikely with the head when that's exactly what happened is ridiculous. It happened. I don't know if that should or shouldn't have been done or not but it happened and no I don't question my son, i meant at that present moment he didn't talk to any of the other children in depth like that. I don't know why the majority of you are being hostile. I thought this was a place for advice not a bashing. I'll know better than to come here for help next time. Thanks to the few of you who answered politely and honestly.

OP posts:

Doofenschmirtz · 17/05/2018 11:25

So much depends on the context of the conversation.

My DC have been asked similar questions over the years, just as Savoycabbage describes. The teachers were making conversation, based on their knowledge of the child's interests and previous chats.

It's also normal for teachers to go over and chat to the children that they have previously taught.

Did your DS find the questioning unusual or uncomfortable? Or did he mention it in passing when talking about his day?

Doofenschmirtz · 17/05/2018 11:29

Cross-posted.

I've heard of Heads approaching people to become governors if they've had no success in getting parents to put themselves forward for nomination. Our school is very different now but there was a time when no one was interested in the role, despite letters being sent out again and again.

If the OP's school is like that, it could well explain why she would be approached individually.

higgyyellow · 17/05/2018 11:38

You don't half love yourself OP

higgyyellow · 17/05/2018 11:48

savoy said.....

My mum is going to be cross at me if I don't tidy my room tonight/get 10 for the spelling test/remember to bring my PE kit home today

Really! I can't imagine your mum telling you off! She seems so nice at school. Is she not at home?

No, she's lovely all of the time ()

Have you got any brothers and sisters?

No. But I'd like a brother because then we could play.

Oh well, never mind. Not everyone has brothers and sisters. Have you got a pet?

Yes, we've got a dog now.

Oh, that's better than a brother!

This ^ is the most likely explanation. It's also the most obvious.

What you wrote OP would not have been the exact wording and context of the conversation. It's come through an 8yo, and then you have translated it onto here.

Feenie · 17/05/2018 16:13

The teacher was chatting to your son. We do actually do that sometimes, you know!

This thread is hilarious.

user789653241 · 17/05/2018 17:07

I can understand why you are worried, OP. But I do agree with pp, conversation might have been totally different, nothing so cynical. Was he uncomfortable? Does he want you to speak to the teacher about it?
Normally if my ds says something, and if I ask him if he wants me to speak to the teacher about it(which I have no intention of), he always says no. They do change stories, exaggerate things, without being conscious or being malicious. That's what kids do!
But if you think it's really worrying, you can always speak to the teacher(especially if you are the governor, more chance to go into school), but going straight to head is OTT, imo.

ItWillAllBeFine · 17/05/2018 17:35

This is MN at its finest.

OP -makes daft post about her worries ( which have a simple explanation) while including a not-so-stealth boast about fabulous parenting.

MN- ignores original point of post and flames OP for not-so-stealth boast.

OP ( with no self awareness) takes bat home.

Fin

Crouchendmumoftwo · 17/05/2018 18:02

I wouldnt be bothered at all my kids are chatty and love to tell the teachers about their lives. This just sounds like normal chat to me. It sounds like you might be stewing over small things and need to get involved in interests outside the school to get a better perpespective and become less focussed on the minutae of the school. Just get out there and find other things to do and let go a bit. This really is insignificant in the grand scale of life.

donquixotedelamancha · 17/05/2018 18:22

I can't comprehend how these questions are inappropriate. It's normal to make conversation with students.

I am pretty stand-offish and professional but still make a point of trying to have these sorts of conversations when I have the chance- having a relationship with the child makes the rest of the job much easier. Kids tell me stuff like this all the time, but I often couldn't tell you the answer 5 minutes later- they like people to listen to them is the point.

If you are worried, then by all means watch for causes for concern; but please, please don't suggest that this teacher has done anything wrong without very good reason.

Addy2 · 17/05/2018 18:32

I'd query it with the teacher in question and then, if not satisfied with the responses gleaned, with the head. Even if there were concerns, either the designated safeguarding officer or your child's current class teacher would be asking questions. Regarding the governing body thing, it will say on the website if he is a staff governor, but if he wanted to approach you about it, he should do that with you not your son. I think it's perfectly reasonable to have concerns about this.

frankenburger · 17/05/2018 18:36

You trust an 8 year old to accurately report these questions? 😬

Witchend · 17/05/2018 19:18

I was a parent governor which was given to me on the spot by the head without standing for election as she thought it would suit me

Well if this is true then it's inappropriate behaviour from the head. It should have gone to a vote whatever the head thought about how good you'd be.

fullponty · 17/05/2018 19:51

and without sounding big headed,probably one of the best parents in the school.

I expect it's well known that you're the best parents and the teacher is in awe. That's why he was grilling your son. They just can't get enough details about your life because it's so inspirational.

stickystick · 17/05/2018 21:55

Omg if anyone catches me saying I'm one of the "best parents in the school" please snap me in two

CruCru · 18/05/2018 09:07

My understanding (from a teacher friend who’s now moved back to her home country) is that it is quite ordinary for teachers to ask questions about their home life.

BookWitch · 18/05/2018 10:34

Elected parent governor here, responsible for Safeguarding and Child Protection.

I can't believe you just said you were the best parent in the school - you lost most of us there.
You were not appointed by the head on the spot. The Head doesn't appoint Governors.
You've now flounced off because we are not all agreeing with you.

If you are real OP (doubtful), you are the reason Male teaching staff are paranoid. Teachers chat with kids.

frogsoup · 18/05/2018 10:40

In 6 years of having kids at school I've never had a teacher compliment me on my fantastic parenting. Not once. What am I doing wrong op?

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