Can I ask what your child's school might do/has done with persistent disruptive/negative behaviour in Reception?

[JessiCake]

I can see how very difficult it is with such young children.

However there is a child in DS's class who has caused problems, ranging from the minor to the much less minor, for pretty much all the other children in the class (and several in the other 2 classes) since September.

I won't go into specifics as it's identifying. But think: CONSTANT nasty comments about appearance, calling people 'stupid' etc. Physical aggression: pushing other children over and laughing etc. Has actually hit at least one child on the head. Destruction of other children's property: treasured items brought in for Show and Tell defaced or deliberately broken. Disruptive behaviour in class, resulting in repeated bans from playground etc.Hard to describe this but just think jostling at carpet time, refusing to let children sit in the spot this child has designated etc. Also, manipulation: has secluded one or two other children and dictates who they are 'allowed' to play with.

School, I can see, aren't quite sure how to handle it. Usual sanctions applied to 5 year olds don't appear to have any effect.

Parents are now involved. Not sure they really appreciate the scale or the seriousness of the problem. Certainly it's not been getting any better since they were made aware.

Do any of you have experience of similar, and if so, how did your school/leadship team/class teacher handle it?

Apologies for the shameless bump! Just wondering if anyone has any advice/info about what has happened in other schools?

I had this with my oldest. The kid (4 then 5 years old) clearly had behavioural issues and a 'gang' of mum's got together to complain (formally) and constantly talk about the kid at drop off/pick up. They tried to rope me with the sniping by telling me scare stories of how some kid in another school was hospitalised/stabbed and implying that if I didn't do anything I could reasonably expect similar to happen to my kid. The boy was formally diagnosed with behavioural problems and SEN's now has a designated classroom assistant with him at all times and still is only allowed restricted access to the others at play times.
We make a point of inviting him to our kids parties, as many make a point of not inviting him and I said to the teachers at an open evening that they did a great job and thanked them for standing by the boy in the face of such horrible accusations from some parents.
It also must be very difficult for the SM to look after him and face the dirty looks and contempt of the gang. I admire her and try to be friendly whenever I see her.
My daughter has learned (herself) over the last 2 years to give the boy the stare when his behaviour is unacceptable and he has learned to stop. So it has proved a good life lesson for dealing with difficult people of which i am sure she will meet many as she gets older.
The reality is that some of the worst members of the complaining crowd should take a long look at themselves for being so horrible about a 4/5 year old and if I was honest should take a look at their own child's behaviour which in terms terms of cruel comments, teasing, bossyness etc is harder to deal with than the kid with behavioural problems. But that d8es not mean you should not perhaps bring it up with the teacher and suggest that the kid might need more support and have a behavioural assessment to get the support he may need

Thank you Daddybegood, that's good to hear things calmed down.

I think we're looking at different sitautions, slightly, as there's no 'gang' of mums or other parents in this case. There have been complaints, I gather, but they've all been made independently. There are also no dirty looks at the parents as a CM picks this child up and drops off. Most parents at the school work and are busily hurrying to and from jobs so there's no a cabal gathering at the playground gates to bitch and swap stories. It's taken months of school for anyone to realise that it's not merely their child being affected and that others have been putting in complaints too.

I suppose I'm just wondeirng what the school CAN do. Because for the sake of the entire class, not just for the sake of the child who obviously does need help, this needs solving and solving fast, before Year 1 starts and the same thing starts to happen all over again.

Private, international school here.
The child was put on reduced hours, with 1-1 TA support while they were there. Hours further reduced to 2hrs schooling a day when things didn't improve. Not sure what the next step is going to be. Child struggling with a few hours a day with 1-1 support. No SEN provision in country.

Not having a gang is helpful as I found it quite toxic. You sound like a group of responsible parents so its a positive thing suggest constructively to the teacher that more support for the child may be required. They would know if it's unusual. My second daughter also had some of the issues you describe in her class that have continued into year 1 with no such intervention so I think in her case the disruptiveness was seen as a frustration but not requiring of special intervention......and my third starts in September and am fully expecting more of the same.
My kids are no angels either I am sure, although i always stress and reward kindness, politeness and only insist in never hitting or hurting anybody.
It is v. hard to accept that our kids sometimes might be exposed to pushing, teasing bullying etc but I think (unfortunately) it's normal

We've moved this thread to Primary Education at OP's request.

Thanks HQ for moving!
Thanks Daddybegood and BalloonFlowers.

One of the trickiest things to have witnessed (first hand) is that the child in question is singling out 3 or 4 children who are just NOT the sort to be bossy/aggressive themselves. If anything, the gentlest/quietest/shyest kids in the class (of whom my DS is not one!). I've first-hand wiitnessed the child shove/kick them and one of the mothers in particular is getting very upset as her child is now reluctant to go into school because the child in question has 'banned' them from playing with others.

It's impossible, in my admittedly limited experience of 5 year olds, for the kids to handle this satisfactorily themselves. I know they need to learn about standing up for themselves but under relatively normal circumstances, which I don't believe this is. There are of course other playground issues, I hear back from my DS about: shoves, unkind comments etc but nothing LIKE as persistent or extreme as the issues that generate from this particular child.

They've not put in place 1-1 support yet as far as I can see but I think that sounds a good step as (at least from what I've been told by my very informative and usually correct DS!) there are often times when a lesson/activity has to stop/grind to a halt/get interrupted because the staff are having to deal with the fall-out from yet another incident.

Not sure of this exact child but want to emphasis that st this stage some kids will still be only 4 and younger than others were on starting yr r.
I think often schools need closer supervision of break times.
Because in say nursery there may be a 1:8 ratio and i think a lot of children at school would benefit from a higher ratio than the 1:15/1:30 at least up to 5yo.
Kids can change a lot in the yr r as long as it is strict enough and out of 5 struggling ones in our year 4 are significantly better mid yr 1.
In fact the stricter routine has helped

We're a year on from this. We have a child in yr1 who has been moved on having been expelled by first school. They are incredibly disruptive including punching a teacher and throwing a table. As parents, we're just trying to get to the end of term without loosing it completely over them. And hoping they get moved on again. Not great for the child but every one of our children have been physically targeted and hurt at some point, some more than others. Some kids have most definitely been bullied and singled out. I think you just need to speak to teachers honestly about your feelings and incidents that you have observed - nothing else. They build a picture and I trust the school to act appropriately.

One thing to do is to go to the school and ask what strategies are being put in place to protect your child and to enable your child to be educated without disruption. Your child has the right to go to school and be educated without fear. How the other child is managed isn’t your problem and confidential.

Mary19 thankk you, that actually puts it much more clearly in my mind! How could I have not seen that this is the angle to be thinking from??!!

This is exactly it, too: I am getting really concerned about the disruption factor - far from a pushy mum but DS loves school and is finding the interruptions frustrating. And though DS hasn't been on the receieving end of violence (yet), there have been 2 particular children that I know have been upset about going to school because they are frightened of this child.

I'm going to try to speak to the teacher before half term and get some clarity.

Naty, it's a good point re age and numbers. Actually this child is a late Sept-born so one of the oldest in the class. Bright-seeming child, too, very verbal and quick.

shoelaces, that sounds awful sorry :( I appreciate your advice too about speaking honestly. I'm so worried about not being yet another one of many voices complaining about this child and do recognise it's a very small child, I don't want to label or (as far as possible) judge. However I do think they (and the child too) would benefit from calm voices giving them facts at this point.

Very helpful everybody, thank you.

I didn't think all this sort of stuff would be an issue as early as Reception tbh!

Hi OP,

At my school the child would be 'referred' by the class teacher to the EFYS lead and possibly the SENCO, to see if there is a chance of underlying issues causing behaviour. The parents would be bought in for a meeting and a behaviour plan drawn up.

I think it's crucial for everyone to catch behaviour like this early. It's better for the child and for his peers too.

Thanks Rockandroll, appreciate the post.

I couldn't agree more that this needs (as far as possible) nipping in the bud asap. This child is a strong character and as well as upsetting several, is also managing to mislead others. The misbehaviour in the class has got worse and worse, as far as I can tell, and I think close to the end of the year the kids should be settling down into the routine and not still having quite so many of these issues (I get that they're little still but one of the whole points of Reception, as far as I have been told, is to ease them into the behaviour the school expects of them for the next 6 years).

I'm going to think about how to sensitively approach the class teacher (who I think is trying to do her very best dealing with a very tricky situation; she's not very experienced and I really feel for her) and get my points across without finger-pointing etc. I just want this solved, for everyone's sake.

Our reception children either get taken to nurture group or to the year one teacher if they are playing up.

Oh, nurture group sounds a good idea Tomorrowwillbeachicken - is it a kind of love-bombing thing?

A nurture group is learning through play. The child is taken back to nursery basics and they learn to socialise with others. They try and teach the child that hurting others through words or deeds is not acceptable. They are run by very experienced teachers and they really try and get the child to learn and play without hurting others. They are reassured and given time to mature in a more secure environment. They are then reintegrated to the mainstream school with advice from the teachers. These children often require 1:1 TA time for reintegration.

Going to another classroom isn’t acceptable in my view. It just disrupts other children, takes the child away from the YR curriculum, and often YR has better staffing ratios anyway.

See the Exclusions/Appeal thread for how not to deal with a disruptive child!

We have it with one of the kids in DD2's class a fair bit of the time - and DD2 is the quiet, not very assertive kid so takes the brunt of it sometimes. She idolises this child though so it makes the dynamic of it difficult - will never say no as they railroad her completely then shove her away when they've had enough and she gets hurt.

I actually really like the child in question and their parent - they've got some difficulties but they've also had a really really rough start in life and there's a lovely little kid in there as well. The most I've done is just to ask the class teacher if they can gently distract DD2 from being magnetically attracted to this kid for a bit as it was getting a bit too much and we're working on assertiveness skills with her at home as well - I'm not going to block the friendship or anything, but DD2 really needs to get more confident standing up for herself when it gets onto a negative level. That part is something I'm going to request school support us with next year (think DD2 is one they're eyeing up to pick up for a fair few interventions anyway - various SEN).

School have the wheels turning with regards to a diagnosis for the child in question's problems (this isn't a breech of confidentiality - mum told me), but those turn slowly as hell!

Thanks everyone. Extremely helpful and much appreciated