I don't understand the etiquette of playdates

[sallythesheep73]

Just that really...

We have 2 children. Each year they both have b'day parties - we invite 16-20 children to each and get invited to 4-5 parties in return.

And the same with playdates. We invite people over (with / without parents depending on their age) and yet we are hardly ever invited back.. We've done sleepovers with no sign of return sleepover..

The parents always say 'oh you must come to ours' and then we never hear anything more.

Luckily DS1 seems robust to it but I have to say it leaves me confused and hurt. When I was a child there didn't seem to be as much 'playdate action'.

And you could ask if we don't get invited how do we know its happening. Well the child DS considered their best friend has for the last 2 years (we have also been on holiday with them) invited another child on his birthday treat rather than DS and the mother has even told me (several times) when they have a sleep over with the other child!!?? Surely this is tactless or is she trying to tell me her child doesn't want to hang out with ours?? I have asked DP but he seems to think they are weird but that I am also over thinking it. DS is very social and we are assured by the school that they are happy and that the other child is their best friend.

I am a sociable adult but just don't seem to understand play dates. Can anyone throw some light? Is it because DH does most of the drop offs and pick ups and so we are a bit 'out of the loop'?

Play dates are definitely a minefield

No, they're really not!

Find out or ask child who they are friends with, arrange for child to come back to you after school. Sometimes friend's parents will reciprocate, sometimes not for whatever reason. But does it really matter? The important thing is that your child is playing and having fun with their friend, if that takes place at your house or theirs isn't that important.

I don't get the not inviting that child back if a return playdate isn't reciprocated. What do you do when your child asks if their friend can come and play? Say no because it's 'their turn' to invite? FFS, there is a lot of pettiness on this thread.

If I think about it, we invited about 20 to DD’s party and she will probably be invited to about 8 this year. This is partly due to others having smaller parties, being allowed parties every other year or being offered a family outing or party and choosing the outing.

We also have more play dates than she goes on.

But I have to think hard to really know because I just don’t count and if she wants a friend over then she has a friend over. I don’t care if she has the friend over 10 times and never goes back to their house. We find it easy to have friends over - we have the space and plenty of stuff to play with. I actually find it easier to have a friend over for DD than have her at home with just us. That may not be true for everyone. I’m generally grateful that people will let us borrow their DC for my DD’s amusement. My parents were always really welcoming to our friends as kids and I think it paid off when we were teenagers and tended to have friends at our house, so my parents could see what we were up to.

For parties, DD has one every year and I don’t limit the numbers too much. Again, doing this may be easier for us than others and it is how I was raised, so it’s normal to me, but may not be to others.

So my advice is to stop counting.

I found that because I don't do play dates it means we get left out of group lift arrangements as well. So we'll get to a party and find one Mum brought a stack of kids but we were not asked.

I hate play dates anyway.