Parent teacher meeting hell

[Kerm1]

I hadn't my yr1 parent teacher meeting for dd3 2 weeks ago. Dd is still almost completely illiterate. We raided concerns last year with her reception teacher who told us that she could read, that she was likely just being stubborn with the homework and that she was pulling the wool over our eyes. Knew this wasn't the case but we let it go as she was sure there was no problem. Dd is summer born and the youngest in the class. We spoke to this years number of times and she agreed from the off that she was behind and struggling with her reading. We asked for support for her and were told that she wasn't a priority. She was eventually withdrawn for some small group support which the school never informed us about in January but we have been told that there has been no progress.
At the parent teacher meeting the teacher told me that dd has no interest in anything, constantly talks and disrupts the child next to her, is making no progress, must understand that it is bad manner to contstantly talk through class. There was nothing positive except that "she's well able to stand up for herself". Told that even with the group support attainment gap is widening between dd and everyone else in class. Again I was pushing for some support and possibly and assessment of some sort. Teacher said that she saw no need for an assessment as she didn't think that dd had any learning disability. I said that there is clearly a problem and was told that "she's of low iq". And that was that.... no extra support, no discussion about any possible explanations, nothing. We have booked dd in for a private assessment to see what's what but at are at a loss to know how to deal with dd's teacher. I went to the principal to ask for extra support and reported what had been said re iq and I suspect the teacher may have gotten into trouble because she is now essentially refusing to engage with myself an dh. There is still a lot of the school year left.....

I agree with the advice about private schools. Experiences of friends with children with SEN in private schools have been largely negative. They don't in my (admittedly) limited experience have the supports in place or are particularly interested.

Aside from my annoyance about the schools attitude which both myself a dh share this whole debacle has caused myself and dh to respond in different ways.
I'm a bit of a glass half full type. I can't help but imagine the worst case scenario now. And i feel guilty. I can't help but think that we have missed a lot or didn't take things that we did notice very seriously.
I think that I thought that she probably had some attention issues and possibly dyslexia. Although neither of our eldest are dyslexic. My siblings both have children with add/dyslexic issues to varying severity. My eldest had a lot of attention issues in year 1/2. To be honest he still does. He has just learnt not to be disruptive. And he never had any academic issues.

When we went to see the head about dd and the pt meeting. I explained that I wasn't just upset that her teacher had told us that dd was of low iq and that's why she wasn't learning but that this was tagged onto the end of a meeting where, among other things, she said that dd needed to learn that it was just bad manners to talk while she was, for example reading to the class. Fair comment. Until she tags onto the end that the child is of low iq.
What??? So much so that she can't learn to read. The head said "oh so you are upset about mixed messages?" To which I said that was more than mixed messages, that by definition a low iq was under 85 and as such if the teacher was correct dds whole school career was likely to be a hard and painful one where as her peers develop and grow the gap both academically and socially will grow and grow. I said that wasn't a case of mixed messages - that it showed a level of callous disregard towards a vulnerable 5 year old. That the teacher can't have it both ways, dd is either a disruptive nuisance who needs to be knocked into shape or a child who is so slow she can't learn and therefore is surely entitled to some empathy and understanding.
I might have said something about the teacher essentially giving us a diagnosis that would mean the child might never lead a normal life. I'll admit I was a bit overwrought. I was waiting for her to say that I was getting ahead of myself. Nope. I just got " oh yes it must be very hard".
WHAT???

Had this with DS - summer born poor memory easily distracted in an oversized ( not sure how they got so far past 30 limit but they did ) class.

We were told he was not very bright - behind in maths and couldn’t read couldn't even blend.

In addition he was failing, passing and being borderline on hearing tests and his class behaviour which had been fine was increasingly an issue.

Got nowhere with the school till the next year with a very experienced teacher had the class and class number also went down.

In mean time we turned to mathsfactor for maths – clear explanations and practise and numericon as physical aid to help.

We turned to Dancing bears – 10 minutes a day for reading.
There was a tip with blending which helped DS shouting out very loud and it made a massive difference – he could start to hear the sounds and how to blend. Though he also need the practise of recognising letter sounds so it was more instantaneous.

Next year teacher gave more support for reading at school and sent more books home for reading and we kept up Dancing bears. Took about 18 months to get him where he should be.

The over years had to work with spelling and handwriting as well. He fine now – top sets and well in advance of where he’s supposed to be and his current teacher and school thinks he’s great.

My youngest has had similar issue with short term memory and needing a lot of repetition but different school, more on the ball teachers and smaller classes and it’s been picked up earlier andso been much less of a hill to climb for that child.

We have numicon. It's good because she treats it like a game rather than school work which she is now almost allergic to.

It's good to hear you had some success with dancing bears as well. I was looking at that also but as I previously posted I think it's best to wait with more reading programmes until we hear from the psychologist.

BigKiteFlying, I was also glad to hear that your ds memory issues improved. Dds visual memory is fine. It's her auditory memory that seems to be a bit of an issue and we are beginning to think that that is because her receptive language and general listening skills aren't where they should be.
I was just never previously concerned about her language because her speech is would appear to be just where it should be for her age. Maybe not as good as her siblings was at a similar age but fine nonetheless.

We did have concerns about language with DS when he was 3/4 he wasn't always clearly spoken though vast vocabulary but screening by speech therapist we arranged outside school and one nursery school did placed him as normal. It's why we had so many hearing tests - which were a mixed bag.

When we finally did apples and pears program, same people as dancing bears, there were diction sentences he couldn’t remember a whole sentence. We realised then two stage verbal instructions were an issue for him and we’d been compensating around that without realising.

He fine now though don’t know if that an age thing, or practise though I do think he has strategies like repetition in place and a lot of things are automatic for him – punctuation, timetables he doesn’t have to think which I think leaves more memory for other bits.

It felt impossible at times with him - especially all the failure rages around homework but he got there. Good luck.

Miaow: It is perfectly possible for children in private schools to fly beneath the radar. You can easily get poorly trained (unqualified) teachers and SEN provision can be very hit and miss. Children frequently drift along in a class if the school does not have a strong intent to educate all children. Who is checking that all the children make progress in some private schools? No-one. They can easily take money, promise the world, and deliver very little. Around here some children just drift back into the state system to get better, appropriately targetted teaching. They also cannot get into the independent secondary schools who do not accept all-round special needs. Only very mild dyslexics. The future secondary options can be hugely curtailed.

DS2's primary first assumed a physical hearing problem and when this was ruled out assumed lack of ability/low IQ explained his lack of attainment/progress.

He had huge issues with reading and writing, attention and concentration, following instructions, engagement and motivation etc. They commissioned an EP assessment to prove their assumptions. The EP formal assessment placed him on the 99th percentile at age 6/7 much to the schools horror as lack of ability was clearly not responsible for lack of attainment/progress.

He has since been diagnosed ASD, ADHD, dyspraxic, dyslexic. They still couldn't cope ie provide adequate support to bring attainment in line with ability. IME schools desperately want to excuse/explain under-achievement with no interest on how this impacts on self esteem and view of self as a learner for DC.

DS2 is now doing internet school and working 2/3 years above chronological age. Same issues but they no longer impact on attainment as the learning environment is so different.