Teacher threw a book - would appreciate your thoughts

[Beenherebefore]

Before we start, all my geese are not swans. My daughter is not perfect. However, she is not a disruptive little shit either!

She attends a private / prep school and is 10 years old.

Every day the girls have to write the date at the top of the page.

My daughter did this and then wrote out some corrections from the day before.

Later on the class all did a piece of work. She was first to finish and handed her book tot he teacher as usual.
Teacher opened book, slammed it shut straight away and said "go and check this".

My daughter returned to her seat, checked work and handed it back in.

Teacher took another look said "are you telling me this work is faultless? Where is the date?"

My daughter was nervous answering but politely pointed out where the date was.

The teacher then shouted "you're so frustrating" and threw the book to the other side of the classroom (width, not length), away from my daughter.

She then retrieved it and returned silently to her desk where she quietly cried. (she VERY rarely cries and didn't make a thing of it).

However, she was obviously worried and upset as it was the first thing she told me when she got in the car.

She is still unsure of what she did wrong.

I've emailed the teacher and am waiting to hear back but I'm not very good with these things and would like to hear your thoughts on this.

I'm not sure what justification there could be for this to be honest.

This is a prep school that she has attended since she was 4. She's 11 this year. The kids there are just so the opposite of unruly and disrespectful. She would never answer a teacher back.

Once she was told off for something that she didn't do. She actually stepped in to a situation between 2 other girls but she got blamed / caught up in the telling off. When I asked her shy she didn't explain or stick up for herself she said "Mummy, that would be answering back, it doesn't matter, I was just telling you about it".

So what are your views on a teacher throwing a book. Whatever the reason, but in this case it would appear for a misunderstanding of where the date was written.

I think I would be waiting to speak to this teacher after school and let him/her know that in no way am I going to allow her to get away with this mentally abusive behaviour. It's teachers like this that makes kids hate school and authority. I would speak to the head teacher about this.

Thanks ChristineC320. I've never had anything like this before and am just a bit shocked. I brush most things off. My children will sometimes tell me things that teachers do / say and I always excuse it and get them to see the other side etc etc. But I'm struggling with the throwing of a book I have to say. I'm going to email the head and copy the teacher in I think.

That teacher sounds like they are having other issues and your poor daughter got caught up in it.

If you don’t get any response from the teacher, I’d advise to take it to someone else. That’s just not acceptable in a classroom, and she needs help.

Did your daughter think it was very out of character of her?

In my book that's out of control, unprofessional behaviour from a teacher.

What I would do about it would depend partly on what I'm trying to achieve.

What I did when teacher threw something across the room in a state school classroom was to approach the Head ( but bear in mind I'd already given up trying to converse with this teacher- I'd tried, and it was like talking to a wall), and I described what the teacher did. Not what I thought of it. Not what I felt about it. Just what happened. Because if you attack and are overly critical, sometimes management closes ranks.

I asked the Head" are you ok with this?. I would expect my child to be in trouble for throwing something across a classroom. Is the right behaviour being modelled here?"

But I already knew the teacher in question was a blinkered Wally who was useless at promoting good behaviour.

I suspect your approach to the teacher first is generally more helpful and appropriate.

Teacher has done an action which is not what you hope to see going on in a classroom. Keep the focus on that.

I second scary maybe her marriage is ending, a parent is dying: she’s struggling. Nonetheless, she just cannot take out any feelings of anger or frustration on a 10 year old who really hasn’t done anything wrong.

It sounds like she wanted to be left alone but again, she just doesn’t have the option.

It definitely needs flagged up with the Head or HOD. She might need time off, or something. But throwing a book suggests she’s out of control. I would be interested to know how out of character this is as well.

Yeah I agree. There must be a back story to this.
And listen, my daughter is not perfect. She can be frustrating. Absolutely.
But to throw a book and leave a child upset and unsure what the hell just happened!?!

My daughter says she shouts a lot. Not at her per se, just generally, she is a bit shouty.
She is new to the school and to the country. Not sure of the relevance if that really, just that she hasn't been at the school for long and is maybe realising that prep schools in England are not for her?

Sorry, I cross posted with some of you.

I agree totally, everyone is fighting a battle of some description, she could have anything going on in her life and I have sympathy for that - totally. But you still don't throw a book. There wasn't even really any build up to this as far as my daughter is concerned.

I think you are right, I think the "are you ok' with this attitude from me is far more productive that steaming in being outraged at this. Thank you.

So, possibly a cultural thing?
I'm quite ancient, and a teacher doing that when I was at school wouldn't be seen as complaint worthy then.
But times have changed.

I'm aware of schools in countries I have visited recently where shouting, throwing something across the classroom and not allowing children a voice would not be seen as problematic at all.

She's from Australia. Not sure it would be a cultural thing. Sounds more like something is going on. Either in her personal life or maybe she just finds my daughter frustrating, as she herself said, and lost it.
MY daughter says "she doesn't like me" but I'm not taking much notice of that. She may well not like her. You can't like every child you teach. Wether that's true of not is by the by.
This is a prep school, not an crazy unruly school with problematic teenagers driving you mad!
If it is a fact that she finds my DD frustrating we need to know why and deal with it. And the teacher needs to know that throwing a book is unacceptable.

Another Mum rang me about it last night because her daughter was upset at what she had witnessed. My DD said that everyone came up to her after and asked if she was ok etc.

Sounds like she doesn’t like your daughter OP. Like you say, not everyone can get on, all of the time but come on, book throwing ?

I would see it like this: she’s prepping g for next part of lesson, doing some marking or whatever. Your DD keeps coming up to her. She doesn’t like it.

This suggests to me she is
a) bad tempered
b) arrogant in that she thinks it’s ok to display the manifestation of this temper
c) not in control of her behaviour.

It’s ok for her not to particularly get on with your daughter, but it isn’t not ok to show it. That is not modelling good behaviour at all, and is bad for your DD’s self esteem.

I would do what dancing suggests, present the info to the Head and see what they think.

As you point out, she doesn’t really have a lot to cope with. A class of 35 kids who might not have had breakfast and are dealing with all kinds of awfulness in their lives would be a lot harder to teach.

I think you’ve got exactly the right attitude.

I hope the school can help, and that it is something as straightforward as granting compassionate leave.

Thank you, yes.

It's helpful to go over this with you all before I go in to the school about it.

Much appreciated.

Ooops, looks like I was saying 'thank you, yes' to me having the right attitude! LOL! I wasn't saying yes to that! :-)

I second Scary

Absolutely unacceptable. I'd go directly to the head.

The teacher absolutely should not have thrown the book, any violence at all in the classroom is unacceptable.

However I would be very careful about how your daughter perceives this event given her age. What your daughter felt happened and what actually happened can be two different things. Also be mindful of how your emotions play in this situation "she politely pointed out the date", was "nervous" answering. If you weren't there at that moment in time, is this how things really played out?

I'm not saying don't doubt your daughter, but as a primary school teacher myself children rarely uae the truth, but by lying, but by their perception of events.

What that meant to say was you don't have to doubt your daughter, children aren't always lying purposely. Its more about their perception of events.

I think the previous poster who pointed out that it would be totally unacceptable if your daughter threw her book across the room in frustration has hit the nail on the head here. Adults/teachers lead by example. Stressed or not this is poor behaviour on behalf of the teacher and it needs to be addressed. And I don't see how any cultural issue would make this acceptable so no excuses there.
Your poor daughter.. I would be fuming if this happened to one of my children in school.
Personally I'd be looking for this teacher to apologise to your daughter and explain to her that what she did was not acceptable and I'd be looking for the head teacher to assure that they would be monitoring this member of staff.

WS12, agree totally with you.
I asked her to replay the events exactly as she saw them and to make sure she didn't exaggerate as I would be meeting the school over it so it was important to tell it exactly as she remembered it. That's why I used the words I did, but you are absolutely right>
My DD was feeling it, emotions were involved and there are always 2 sides to things.
My daughter clearly frustrated her in some way. I need to know why and what we can do to ease that in the future.
And we need to make sure no more books get thrown too :-)

When I asked her shy she didn't explain or stick up for herself she said "Mummy, that would be answering back, it doesn't matter, I was just telling you about it"

Whilst the teacher's behaviour sounds poor, this also suggests that the whole school, and possibly you, have failed to instill any confidence in your DD to speak up when necessary - although obviously stepping in to peers was there, but also to authority, so I'd also be looking at addressing that.

Awful. The teacher has behaved completely unprofessionally.
How is a child meant to make a piece of work 'faultless' without guidance.
Obv the teacher is having a bad day but your child should not have been on the receiving end. Bless her heart.

@sirfredfredgeorge or the child has been told not to talk or answer back so many times at school that she's now frightened to. Miss Trunchball springs to mind.

@sirfredfredgeorge she is hugely confident and has no trouble sticking up for herself with peers or at home. The not answering back thing at school is more a case of her having respect for her teachers / elders and generally having good manners. In the instance where she didn't explain the situation she just thought, this teacher is too cross and there's no point arguing my case and just took the telling off on the chin. She's quite resilient in that way. Also the school in general is just that way. The girls are just generally really well behaved around teachers in my experience there.
She once got a detention for forgetting her kit 3 times in a term and I said "Don't worry, I don't mind, I'm not cross. Had you got a detention for being rude that would be another things" and she said "oh I'm not worried either, I've just got to stop forgetting my kit" smiled and ran off to catch up with a friend.

Having been in a similar situation can I suggest getting your DD to write down exactly what happened while it is fresh in her mind. Committing to paper also means she won't embellish it and you will have the facts.

Also do you know any of the other parents to ask if their children reported a similar story? If so ask them to write it down too.
I would take my child to the Head and ask them to tell the Head what happened so that you can't be accused of taking your DD's word for it.

I’m old and book throwing was common teacher behaviour in Wiltshire in the 1970s. I’m a little amazed at what feels to me like a big overreaction towards this teacher. One teacher who threw a lot of books also inspired me, best teacher I ever had. As it’s obvious from all the other comments that times have changed & book throwing is no longer acceptable, speak to the Head, but don’t write the teacher off immediately, she’s new to the UK, she could be good.