It's Northerner again with issues with ds school and teacher.......

[DrNortherner]

If you have followed my threads you will know that ds aged 5 is being deemed the naughty baoy at school. We have had lots of negative comments from his teacher. He is now on report, a smiley face chart which has greatly improved things. Yesterday he got full smiley faces and had a fab day.

At home time today his teacher said to me:
'ds went to see the headmaster today and he was not happy with ds as he kicked a boy at playtime. It was very nasty and this boy has a big bruise, it was one of the bigger boys and ds was lucky it was a nice boy or he might have had a kicking back'

I asked what triggered it she shrugged and said it was nothing to do with ds he was simply 'throwing his muscles around'

She then went on to ask about ds's diet, and mentioned tht lots of fizzy pop and sweets can have an effect. (asif I didn't know)

At home, ds said this bigger boy had stolen his friends cap and his friend was crying (his friend has autism and struggles in these situations) so ds took it upon himself to get the cap back and kicked the bigger boy, friend of bigger boy kicks my ds.

Only my ds goes to the Head teacher.

Now I know ds should not have kicked, but I can see some good in what he did, albeit a bit misguided. I feel they are victimising him, though do not want to be perceived as a mum who will hear no wrong about her child.

I will talk to teacher/head but I'm struggling with it all tbh. I know ds can be challenging, but I feel they have written him off as the naughty boy before he even leaves reception.

Any advice much appreciated.

Thanks.

It is so hard in situations like this - teachers rarely accept they are wrong. I would certainly tell the teacher your ds' version and ask if the older boys were also dealt with (altho i doubt they will tell you), but at least she will know you will not just accept nonsense.

Do you know which teacher he will get next year - maybe he will gel with her and things will get better. I have seen some of your threads on 'bad choices' and it is frankly appalling that a teacher can bully a child like this If not are there any alternatives (change school?)

I get similar guff (but nothing like as bad) about ds - whenever he does anything (generally high spirits) I get told it is 'because of his age' (he is the youngest and Head wants him to stay down a year) - like no other boy ever behaves like that, whereas I know he is generally just copying or retaliating from what he tells me!!!

Best of luck!

To get to the bottom of fights between little boys does anyone's head in. You only got your son's version of events. Also a school would not tell you how the other children were dealt with.

I would praise your son for the smiley faces and not make a fuss about the rest.

Hopefully your son will get on better with his teacher next year.

Poor you. My DS was very rough in his first term and earned a reputation for fighting and being naughty. He is much better this term but it is difficult. I tell DS that whatever happens he needs to tell a teacher as he will always get into trouble if he fights regardless because he goes much further than the rest. His teacher is extremely nice, really likes him and recognises when others wind him up (all too easily unfortunately). And I have to admit I always take his side of the story with a pinch of salt - at this age they are very good at self-justification.

Are you friends with any of the other mothers of boys in reception? And have you done any playdates? I think that you might find it helpful a) to see your ds in context with some of his peers, and b) to have people to chat with who have the same teacher. I sometimes struggle to work out whether something that has happened with ds has been treated reasonably or not, but talking to some of my other "mum"friends can give me an insight, and occasionally one of them will drop a hint that they may have picked up that all is not well.

But they did tell you when he had done so well yesterday and been so helpful, didn't they? And said he had a 'magnetic personality' and other nice things?

Sorry - but if he kicks people he is going to get into trouble, never mind what happens to the others.

Would this be a good moment to use Sophables 'use your words' advice? tell him it was good to look out for his friend - but to use his words - tell a teacher about the cap and the crying, NOT to kick anyone?

Thanks for your posts.

Of course I have told him it is unaceptable to kick anyone, regardless. What anoys me is it was relayed to me asif ds was a thug, 'throwing his muscle around' and 'nothing to do with him'

The whole story tells a slightly different picture, he was sticking up for a friend. The other boys mum called me last night and not only did they steal his hat but also his shoe.

Anyway, guess I need to stop being so sensitive. Am asking for a meeting to discuss ds in general and how they plan to challenge his energies in a positive way. I referred back to my Steve Biddulph book last night and in his section about high drive boys he says early in school, if not channelled correctly they can become the school villan.