How cross should I be over DS lifting up a girls skirt.?

[LynetteScavo]

Ds1 who is in year 3 went happily into school today after point blank refusing for the last 5 school days. If we tried to force him he kicked and scremed and yesterday, when we did get him in he just ran out again.
His teacher called me in after school today because he had kicked some boys on the play ground, and lifted up a girls skirt.

DS says he kicked the boys because they were all playing football, and he kicked the ball when he thought it was a free kick, but it wasn't. 3 boys started pushing him. So DS pushed them back, and it turned in to a huge fight, with DS apparently managing to kick two boys enough to make them cry. I'm rather shocked, as he doesn't normally go 'too far' in situations like this, as we've taught him to walk away.

DS says he was having fun with a couple of other boys who dared him to lift the girls skirt. I've made DS write the girl a letter of apology, but all he would write is

To XXXX

Sos

XXXXX

He is quite bright, and could write a much better letter, but obviously isn't sorry.

How concerned should I be about this type of behaviour? The teacher who saw DS kicking wants to talk to him tommorow. I know he's really scared of her, and am worried this could put him off school for life.

Any advice welcome!

But whilst I know we all want our children to do the right thing, writing a letter of apology might be making something trivial into a big thing! I think whether or not a very young child is upset by having her skirt lifted is a very subjective thing. I don't remember getting upset by it when it happened to me - but then I was engaged at the age of 5 so obviously flirty from a young age! I'm not condoning the behaviour, I just think that sometimes it is better to wait to see whether something is an issue rather than turning it into an issue yourself!

I wouldn't be overly annoyed TBH. If you believe the pushing story, then IMO Kicking is quite justified. However I wouldn't tell child such i would say " tell the teacher" whilst not dishing punishment.

Re lifting skirt, clearly a mysogynistic act and he needs pysychotherapy immediatly, family councelling and boot camp.

Or maybe a " that's not nice supposing someone showed your grundies to the rest of the playground, how would you feel?"

and a talk about it rather than a " you must be sorry, are you sorry?!! eh?!eh? how very.... etc..etc.."

Yes and hope the little girs mum doesn't take the same line of action my mum did when it happened to me!

I could have done with a mum like yours Thomcat Unfortunately, DS would be more than pleased to show off his Spider Man pants. It's normal behaviour in our house.

If the lifting of the skirt issue is a one off, I wouldn't get too wound up about it. Obviously if it were to happen a couple more times, it needs to be stamped out. I have a DD and two DS's, and my stance would be if DD came home once and said she'd had her skirt lifted up, I wouldn't panic, after all, boys do do things like that sometimes, and especially around yr 3 age, they don't mean any harm by it. They're just being silly. However, if DD said it were happening on more occasions, then I would go into school.

I would be much more concerned about his unhappiness at school. A fight's a fight, it happens sometimes, perhaps that was a one off too? He may have friendship issues that need adressing, certainly, if he does have aspergers, even mild, he may well find it difficult to interact with his peers and relate well to them.

I hope things improve for him.

Thankyou Mummy Penguin

You're welcome. Good Luck.

[angry]@Cez5kop boys will be boys is the worst response to the situation.

I watched the documentary India's Daughter in which the consequences of a society with boys will be boys was very evident. One of the rapists justified the gangrene which led to the medical student's death with: decent girls are home by 9pm; she would have been OK if she hadn't struggled so hard.

OP'S son pulled down a girl's skirt, not that extreme, but he crossed an important line - was he trying to get others to like him, bully, humiliate or intimidate this girl?

He needs to be able to understand that it was not acceptable to do this to anyone without express permission, other issues about school reviewed separately with the school and an apology given to the girl if that's what she wants. His reluctance to write the letter indicates that he's not realised after the chat at home how bad this is considered.

If he did that in 3 or so years, the other parents could escalate the matter to a school suspension or even get the police involved.

gangrene = gang rape

"Boys will be boys" has been used for far too long a time to excuse behaviour like this. I have a DS and if he did the same I would let him know in no uncertain terms that lifting girls' skirts is unacceptable. Yes, it's probably more of an issue when boys are teenagers but you need to put a stop to it now so that he doesn't repeat his behaviour when he's a teen.

This thread is nearly 8 years old so OPs son is a teen. Hopefully he turned out OK.

Ah, didn't spot that. Why on earth do people resurrect such old threads?

Zombie thread alert!!

I have a daughter in Year 3 and, I'm sorry, but I would be bloody furious if a boy lifted her skirt and the "Boys will be boys" comment is ludicrous . Most boys in Year 3 are perfectly aware that lifting girls' skirts is inappropriate and wrong.

OP, I think you need to explain to your DS that what he did to the girl was unkind and humiliating for her. The potential dx of Asperger's makes it more complicated in that your DS genuinely doesn't understand why what he did was wrong and he was reacting to peer pressure from other boys (who, presumably, did know it was wrong).

Cez5kop appears to have done a search for "knickers"- there are several resurrected threads. Yuck. Reported.