Just wondering what others would do in this situation.
DD is 6, in Yr2. She has been in the same friendship group now since foundation. This is about one of her friends - lets call her Lily. I have seen DD and Lily interact a lot over the years outside of school at playdates, parties etc. and at an activity they do together.
Lily is not very robust. She gets upset very easily at perceived slights (eg DD has accidentally bumped into her whilst they're happily playing) and there's a lot of tears and tale telling over nothing. I am honestly not the kind of parent who thinks their child can do no wrong, but I've witnessed these interactions so many times to know that DD is not intentionally upsetting her.
The problem is what's happening at school. They use a traffic light system for behaviour and increasingly DD is being "put on red" for an incident, always involving Lily. DD tells me that things aren't on purpose and I believe her based on what I've observed so many times. I've even heard now from another parent on a couple of occasions that their child has told them it was unfair on DD.
I'm not sure that things are properly witnessed by an adult and that DD is being reprimanded based on Lily's reactions. Lily is very small, her speech is that of a younger child and I don't know whether this is affecting the teachers' judgement in a way as she presents as being younger than she is.
One problem is that DD doesn't argue her case to the teacher, despite me explaining to her that she needs to speak up that they were playing, things were not done on purpose etc. I'm fed up with having these pep talks with her now but I can understand why at 6 she doesn't want to debate with the teacher.
I don't really know what to do. I've told DD to be gentle around Lily, avoid boisterous play and not give her any reason to become upset. But they're an established group of friends so they inevitably will always play together. And really at this age DD should be able to run around with her friends without worrying that one of them is going to go crying to a teacher.
Would it be reasonable for me to speak to school, and ask them to assure me that DD is only reprimanded for things that have been properly witnessed by an adult who is 100% certain they have been done on purpose? I don't want to come across as "that parent" who thinks their child is faultless but equally I'm starting to become worried that she's going to get labelled as unkind.