DS and Maths class

[KnackeredOldWoman01]

DS, age 6 ( Aug born) Is in year 2. He has been doing really well at school and has been moving up ability sets. He has been moved into a higher group for English but he is becoming really upset, saying it’s too hard and is worrying about it at home. I can’t bear this and I have spoken to the teacher 4 times now. Each time she says she has spoken to him and apparently he is doing well and he seems happy in class.

Well at home all I get is tears and worry and I cannot bear that my 6 year old feels like this. He gone from loving school to crying on the way in each morning.

I’m having a meeting next week to discuss this as I want him moved down a group, but I can foresee a situation where I get told No. I would like some advice on how to approach the meeting, thank you. DS’s well being comes first.

Take them the problem, not your idea of a solution. Don't ask for him to be underchallenged academically because he is having trouble emotionally: that way lies madness. Explain that he's upset, even if he's not currently showing that to them, and discuss what you can both do to help him. If moving him down were the answer, they'd be seeing that in his work.

Moving him down to work that won't challenge him cannot be the best solution. Go and talk to the teacher, explain what he's saying at home and see what she suggests.

By the way, it makes no difference unless the thread gets more specific, but your subject says maths while the body says English...?

We used to set at our school (I'm a teacher) but the evidence about it is mixed so we don't anymore. Results are actually better since we stopped.

Anyway, your son's school does set. There's often a lot of overlap between groups - the top of one group and the bottom of the next. When we set, we would think about the personalities of the children; some would thrive being at the top of a lower group whereas others did better being around higher achievers. It sounds like your son would benefit from a temporary switch, being at the top of the group below might help to build his confidence. The last thing you or the school will want to do is put him off a subject at such a young age. I would emphasise his confidence when speaking to the teacher.

There's no reason why he can't be challenged in a lower group. There will be a lot of overlap between groups.

And don't forget that when they get t secondary they do all the same stuff all over again in the first couple of years and get bored to tears, so his emotional well-being is far more important than racing ahead through the sets.

Sorry it’s Maths!

Thank you for your input. I just want him to enjoy learning without worrying. I can’t bear to see my 6 year old in tears over school. It shouldn’t be like this

Absolutely, it shouldn't be like this! Definitely not suggesting you simply accept the situation - it needs to change. But the fact they they think his set is fine suggests that he's achieving the standards they expect, which in turn suggests it's the right set for him. Maybe he has somehow picked up the idea that it's not OK to find things hard and make mistakes? It's very easy for children to do that even though nobody wants them to, and for later success, it's crucial that they learn to see difficulty and error as a sign of a learning opportunity, not as things to be ashamed of. You might find it helpful to look up Growth Mindset stuff, eg youtube talks by Carol Dweck, and discuss them with him. (Some of the science of that gets over-interpreted and over-sold, but it's really important stuff nonetheless, I think.)

It sounds worrying. I would try to find the cause of his distress. If the teacher says he is doing fine, to the teacher's eye, he isn't struggling.
Is there other issues? Other children annoying him, distracting him etc?
Any physical difficulty( difficult to sit still, difficult to write, etc.)?
I would try to find out why he find work so hard when teacher think he is capable.