Am I being PFB or should I speak to teacher?

[HastingsLikeTheBattle]

DD is a sensitive 11 year old in year 6. She changed to her current school just before the summer holidays last year, but has settled in quite well.

For the past few weeks, she has been coming home upset saying that no one on her table likes her, that they constantly make fun of her size (she is the smallest in her year by a mile) and that they are actually stopping her from doing her work.

My worry is, I know full well that DD can be a little dramatic at times, actually a lot dramatic. I haven’t heard from her teacher that DD isn’t managing her work, but DD is definitely saying that the constant niggling that the others do is too distracting. For example, throwing things on the floor from her tray, saying they don’t want to work with her in group work, meaning DD will occasionally get moved to sit with the other girl that apparently no one likes. Ironically DD does like this girl and has asked to sit with her permanently but her teacher has said no, she can’t move tables as she is needed on her table to help the others with their work (teacher had also said this to me in the past so I know it’s not just DD ‘s word on this - she is bright).

It is really starting to affect her already quite low self esteem, at a time when she’s already struggling a bit (she’s a young carer for her sibling). As a single parent it’s times like this when I wish I had someone to bounce ideas off - hence me posting

Ask to see the teacher

Definitely speak to teacher. There's an obvious solution, move her next to her friend. She's not in school to be an unpaid TA.

Absolutely ask to meet with the teacher and explain how your dd feels about school.
Sounds like it's quite difficult for her for a number of reasons.

Definitely talk to the teacher, explain about her being a young carer and exactly wha you've said here. Any teacher worth their salt will listen.

Speak to the teacher. At the very least it's good for your dds self esteem if she feels she is being listened to.

Usually, when a child is sitting with other children they discuss work. She is not necessarily helping them with their work. It is obviously a shame they are unfriendly and do ask if she can move.

I would try and talk to her about moving to secondary school. From what you say, I cannot see how this will be easy. She perhaps needs to be less dramatic as whe gets older.

I tend to feel sorry for children who help to care for siblngs. They need their own life and not have someone depending on them whentheyare so young, as will surely happen as you get older. Give her space now.

Bubbles the teacher actually sends DD across the room to help various pupils once she has finished her work. There are three stages of work, finishing with the “challenges”. DD finishes her challenges quickly then gets sent around to help the others stick on the beginner two stages.

And yes, we have had the conversation about needing to be less dramatic many, many times She has quite low self esteem and self confidence, will instantly apologise and tear up the moment she gets spoke to - and not necessarily for ‘bad’ things, things such as her hair being a bit out of place, the bus being late etc. Things that aren’t remotely abybodys fault let alone hers.

She has plenty of space thanks She does activities practically every night of the week (would do more if I let her) and we go out together just us two. By no means does she have a restricted life purely because she is a young carer, if anything she gets extra opportunities (going ice skating tonight with her young Carers group) so absolutely no need to feel sorry for her.

I'm not an expert on this but I thought young carers could be any young people who have siblings with additional needs. It's not that their parents expect them to bath their siblings and do the laundry.

Anyway OP yes I'd be speaking to the teacher. In fact I did so last week, for my freakishly similar sounding Y6.

Sorry, not necessarily siblings either - that's just where my head's at.

THanks Sky, DD doesn’t bath her sibling, they’d both be horrified

I spoke with the pastoral link this morning as the teacher was busy. DD says they have a plan now to deal with it if it happens again, so hopefully things will improve.

Mine only does as a punishment if she hasn't scrubbed the floors hard enough

Sounds like school are really on the ball. Good stuff.

I am sorry if I got it wrong but I have seen children on tv who seem almost to be doing a job as carer for a sibling or parent. Being a caring child and being a child carer that means you do not get to do what other children do is a big differential. I do like to see all children having a proper childhood so I am glad she is. I do hope that her situation improves at school.

You might be interested to know that one of the most successful ways of improving the educational outcomes for pupil premium children is peer to peer help. This obviously benefits the child who is struggling but also helps the bright child because they get to explain concepts. However it needs careful monitoring and clear goals and training for the brighter child. Your DD should be given extra hard tasks if she continually completes early. Is she pp herself?

Where I am a governor we have 5 levels of work in maths. Those who are not grasping the basic concept go over it again and have a differentiated curriculum with more TA input. Then we have hard, harder, hardest and Herculean tasks. Plenty of bright children do the Herculean and the teachers then give them extension work to broaden out concepts. Ask the school how they cater for the brightest children. What is their Herculean and extension Work and how can she benefit from it?

Thanks Bubbles that’s really helpful I don’t think they have any Herculean type tasks, but I think I’d rather DD do half peer to peer and half extra challenging tasks - I’ll have a word with DD to find out a more accurate picture. I’m just going off what I remember the teacher telling me.

I have no problem with the peer to peer stuff, neither does DD. Apart from when she’s supposed to be helping those who constantly belittle her. As the pastoral lead said this morning, there will come a time when DD doesn’t want to help anymore because of it, which would be a shame for all concerned.