Daughter has become too attached to one friend

[ScottyR]

Hi everyone, its my first time posting here but after personally ending up in tears taking my daughter to school this morning, I was hoping somebody could offer me some advice. My 4 year old started school at the end of September (1 week of half days and then full-time from beg Oct) and I was amazed at how well she settled. She went to nursery for 2 days a week before that and she always struggled when she moved from the baby room to toddlers to pre-school. However, she is now struggling to cope and has become very attached to one girl - she is literally all she talks about! Thankfully the friendship is reciprocated but depending on how names are called in the register etc. they may get put into different groups and this has caused a few meltdowns at school. She's also very emotional at home about going to school, in case she is separated from this girl, and has literally cried all morning about it. The teachers are aware and are actually trying to separate them more in class, which is obviously upsetting her even more, but she needs to be able to socialise more with other children and forge more friendships. It just concerns me that, if her friend is off sick, she just won't cope as she is using her as a comfort blanket I assume. I'm trying to speak about other children more indoors and am starting a new dance class with her this evening to try and build her confidence/realise she can do things on her own but I wondered if anybody else had been in the same situation and had any advice to offer? I'm sure she'll grow out of it soon but its breaking her heart. And mine

I sort of had the same experience, but perhaps not as dependent as your dd is. My dd had a best friend in her nursery from age 2. By age 3 we transferred our dd because we wanted her to start at the catholic school we planned for her to attend. She kept seeing her best friend from the previous nursery a few times a week, as I am best friends with the mother. However, because my daughter was in a different school, she made other friends at the school. Her best friend did join her at the school in reception and they of course stuck to each other like glue. However, my daughter also introduced her to other friends. So they managed to also play with other kids and have some other friends. But of course stuck with each other quite a lot. My dd would talk about her best friend all the time as well. My sister did point out it was not good they were so close. However, my dd best friend moved to France after first term and we by coincidence at the same time got our dd into a French bilingual school so pulled her out of the catholic one. My dd still has not found another best friend. She spent a while talking about her old best friend and referring her to as her best friend still for almost a year after she left. But because I'm friends the mom as well, we saw them over summer, keep in touch etc. So the girls will always be friend. I felt a little sad bc my dd said she does not have a best friend here anymore. She has many friends at school and is popular, but has not really found one she clicks with the same. I guess thats a good thing? Better to be friends with many then with just one.

I think encourage play dates with other kids. Invite other kids over once a week for example and see who she plays well with. And encourage other friendships that way.

Thank you for your reply. Its definitely better to be friends with more than one so it seems all I can do is keep encouraging this and hope she also finds her confidence and grows out of it. Fingers crossed!

Hi @ScottyR, I know this is an old thread but I am in this exact situation. Can you tell me how things worked out with your daughter and do you have an advice? I hope she is thriving. X