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Apparantly my ds (5) is the talk of the playground, what would you do?

20 replies

DrNortherner · 27/04/2007 19:03

Ds is 5 and started school last September. He has had a few problems with learning the bounderies, he has been on a smiley face chart for 3 months which has greatly improved things.

Another boy on his class is also on a report chart and today I chatted to his Mum. She informed me that our 2 boys are the talk of the school and some parents are actively encouraging their kids to stay away from our boys, one even said she would not be suprised if our kids end up with a statement for bad behaviour. She also feels that in the morning parents pul their kids away from our kids and roll their eyes. She said the majority are members of the PTA (3 members have kids in my ds's class)

Now I have never felt this, or heard anyone discussing my son. Other than the normal 'Isn't he boisterous?' coments.

I'm not sure if she is over reacting or if I am being niave.

She has been to see the Head today to discuss as she is so upset over it all. I don't know if I should do anything cause I have only heard it from her.

I'm a bit shocked and lost for what to do. I don't dislike any mums in the playground and always make a point of smiling and saying good morning. NOw I have thought about it there are a few who never say hello to me, I always have to go out of my way. Now I am wondering if they are taling about my ds.

I know this is such a ramble, but I'm new to this school malarkey and don't know how to handle it. Or if I should just grow a thicker skin!

Thansk for reading.

OP posts:
sniff · 27/04/2007 19:07

I dont have any advice sorry

but the other mom might be pulling your ds into it so she doesnt feel its just her son
I think this gets done a lot

jomist · 27/04/2007 19:11

This sounds all too familiar, it's a pity the parents can't let their dcs chose who they want to be friends with. As for doing anything about it, I'm not sure what you could do. Talking to the Head isn't going to stop small-minded parents behaving like their kids couldn't possibly do anything wrong and might catch your or any other childs behaviour as if it were an illess.

southeastastra · 27/04/2007 19:12

'some parents are actively encouraging their kids to stay away from our boys!!'

that's mad, even if they are more lively than the others how can they learn to all get on with each other if they're being encouraged to stay away from them.

most 5 year old boys ime go loopy on the playground.

i'd ignore them really they sound nice

LazyLineThreadKiller · 27/04/2007 19:17

I think that you can say that you are not normally an oblivious person, then there's a fair chance that you aren't missing anything. Maybe sniff is right, possibly the other mother is being over sensitive and taking things the wrong way and wants a partner so she won't feel so bad.

Of course, we should never underestimate some mothers at the school gates. Maybe they are talking about you.

I think you are doing the best thing, being pleasant and smiling and saying hello. That's a hell of a lot more than a lot do.

Mum2FunkyDude · 27/04/2007 19:17

I would say if you are really concerned to voice it to the teacher, they will know straight away if there is a problem. Also take in consideration that you've only got one mum's fairly emotional view, it could be that she is overreacting, and that there is nothing wrong, I don't personally believe that 5 year old are capable of being a bad influence.

shouldbedoingsomethingelse · 27/04/2007 19:18

I just typed a long reply then lost it

Anyway its possible the other mum is drawing you in so that she doesnt feel so alone or paranoid when she talks to the head.

All children settle in at different rates. I wouldn't worry too much. If I pulled my son away from anyone who has ever been a bit boisterous he wouldnt have any friends!

Dont worry and if anyone says he a bit boisterous just say "yes he is and he is getting much calmer in school, he has had all smiles on his chart now for the last xx weeks" It wouldnt hurt to remind them he is "getting there"

LazyLineThreadKiller · 27/04/2007 19:18

There is meant to be an "if" in that first sentence.

pindy · 27/04/2007 19:26


Speaking as a previous PA member, School Guv etc etc -

ask the teacher outright what is thought about your ds.

Is he regarded as boisterous?
A bad example?
To be kept away from?

etc etc

You need to know so that you can address the situation.

It is important.

Good luck!


twentypence · 27/04/2007 19:27

However well liked your child is, there will always be some people who don't say hello (not morning people, don't realise it would be nice to do etc.)

I would carry on being normal with everyone, as that has worked for you so far and let the other mum fight her own battle in her way (going to see head).

SherlockLGJ · 27/04/2007 19:30


I fail to see what relevance their membership of the PTA has to her comments.

I am not sure I believe the other Mother. TBH.
Do the other mothers turn up and supervise play time ?

ScummyMummy · 27/04/2007 19:32

he's 5, he's a sweetie and his behaviour is improving by the day. Be guided by the teacher and the teacher alone. She can and will tell you if there are problems. Ignore ignore ignore other parents possible views. Please. Keep smiling at everyone. Brush any worries aside. I know this must have been horrible to hear but if there's any way you can not give in to natural insecurity about this it will be good for you and your boy. A bit of a thicker skin is a good idea if you can do it, I think,

popsycal · 27/04/2007 19:34

i read PTA as PITA
perhaps a freudian slip in this particular instance?!

Go direct to the teacher - ask her how ds is doing. How long she invisages the chart being needed. How she plans to get him off the chart. Ask if you can have some examples of his behaviour that is concerning her . Is he on the special needs register? Ask her if you don;t know - and ask at what level. BTW of you have not heard abotu SEN register, chances are that he isnt and is therefore MILES away from a statement of special needs.

Once you put your own mind at rest,you will find it easier to ignore the gossips

Ladymuck · 27/04/2007 19:40

To a certain extent every class will have a couple (or more) kids who are more difficult than the others. And the other children in the class soon work out themselves who those children are. I doubt that any parental intervention by other parents will make any difference to your ds. Nor will it make a difference as to how the other children interact with your ds1 - if he is a good playmate he will naturally be included. If he is a difficult playmate, that too would influence the children more than a parental directive.

What are your relationships like with other parents re playdates etc. I think that I have been relatively lucky in that whilst ds's behaviour is at the extreme end of his natural group of friends, as playdates etc were set up from the very start my mum-friends cannot desert me without being very pointed about it (or at least they haven't so far!).

"Talk of the school" is probably a bit extreme unless it is a very small school tbh. It sounds as if the school is working with you in helping ds's appreciation of boundaries, and you'll probably find that in a year or two he is immensely more mature and able to cope in these more structured circumstances.

Whilst it is uncomfortable knowing that other parents could be discussing your ds, I guess you need to decide whether it makes any difference to his and your relationships or not.

stleger · 27/04/2007 20:22

'Talk of the school!' In my experience kissing, weeing in public or saying bad words to teachers leads to that - 'boy behaviour' of a more rough and tumble doesn't.

DrNortherner · 27/04/2007 21:36

Thanks guys, you kind of put it into perspective for me.

Popsy I have not heard about him being on SEN register so I don't thunk he is.

LGJ - not quite sure what she meant about PTA lot, there are a few mums who also help out alot at school and perhaps have inside info, so maybe she was referring to that.

She seemed to really resent the fact that her son has one of these charts, where as I had not thought of it as a bad thing. It is helping and improving his behaviour, so I think it is a good thing.

There is definatley no swearing, kissing or weeing in public. It's just boistourness - shoving, pushing and pretending to be power rangers etc etc. My ds is at the top of this scale and has a short attention span, but his teacher has also said he is bright and popular so I guess he just needs to learn the bounderies.

I will talk to the teacher about the chart and ask how ling he will be on it for but I will think about asking if he is a 'bad' example and should be kept away from.

OP posts:
popsycal · 27/04/2007 21:38

if the sen register has not been mentioned, his behaviour can;t be massively severe and he is nowhere near being statmeneted. Ignore the gossips and talk to the teacher

hope things get sorted

stleger · 27/04/2007 21:48

He sounds great!

twentypence · 27/04/2007 22:11

Other mother seems to be taking this very personally. I would tactfully distance yourself from her and her negativity. It is going to take her son longer to improve as the school doesn't have her support.

You seem very reasonable and aware of your son's needs.

Londonmamma · 27/04/2007 22:16

Lots of mums get a frisson of pleasure from tutting over children whose behaviour looks worse than that of their own DC. It's a bit mean and obviously very hurtful to you. Five year old boys are notorious for not quite 'getting' school. Be patient, give your son lots of love, hugs and encouragement and try to find mums who like little boys!

Jacanne · 27/04/2007 22:23

With regards to the PTA having inside information - I wouldn't have thought so - we were always very careful to ensure that no child was discussed any where near them - they may think they know more but I'd be surprised if they do.

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