Reception - late starters and difficulty settling

[Lioninthemeadow]

My DD has just started school in Reception this term (we moved here from overseas so she missed the usual September start) and is really struggling to settle in.

I know its very early days, but she's not a happy camper and we have regular tears. A lot of it is normal for starting school I guess, but I think its extra hard because everyone else in her class started together in September, so they all had time to settle in and establish friendships.

I feel like she's just been thrown in to the middle of things - there was no kind of induction, she hadn't even met the teacher and we didn't have a chance to chat to the teacher and tell her anything about DD. I'm also still in the dark about most stuff school related too - I just assume if a book or something appears in her bag I'm supposed to do it with her. I guess I expected there would be a bit more communication but maybe I'm expecting too much!

Does anyone else have or had a child that struggled in reception and can reassure me that she will find her feet eventually? She is finding playtimes really hard and I feel so bad for her :(

I'd ask for a meeting with the teacher. I would sincerely hope that she hasn't been thrown in at the deep end and has (for example) been assigned to a buddy and been shown the usual school routines, but it would be worthwhile for you to talk to her teacher about how she is settling in and strategies for helping her get used to the school. You can also ask about things like "what am I supposed to do with this book!"

I wouldn't worry so much about friendships but again you can ask the teacher to keep an eye out that she is not on her own too much - I think very many children in Reception don't have special friends but just play with whoever is there, or find out that they like building with the blocks and so does James, so James becomes a sort of friend.

Yes,my son was the same. He started in the January and had similar issues, tears every day etc. It continued until Feb half term and I was really worried about him going back to school after the holiday. I thought he’d be even worse after a break but in fact things suddenly clicked and he was absolutely fine.

I think it took the first 6 weeks for him to learn all the rules and for him to encounter and get used to all the different aspects of school - PE, assemblies, playtime etc. There’s so much to get to grips with and if no one is guiding you through it it takes longer.

He’s now 11 and at secondary and he settled in very well this time round - probably because everyone else was new too! I hope your daughter settles soon - I know how hard it is for you too!

Thanks both, that's reassuring. I'll give it a couple more weeks and if things aren't improving, I'll have a chat with the teacher to see if there is anything they can suggest (and ask some of the things that have been confusing me!) It's so hard to watch her cry each morning and try to get out of going to school. All part and parcel of starting school I guess, but I hope it gets better soon!

Couple of things I would do - I would make an appointment to chat to teacher - you have probably missed any ‘intro’ meetings for parents which would cover how they teach reading/phonics etc and other useful info about how it all works and it would prob help to catch up on that and at the same time check in with them re your DD and how she is being helped to settle
The other thing is to try and arrange some play dates - is there a class rep or Facebook page? Can you chat with some mums in the playground? Teacher could also suggest children your DD might get on well with and you can then ‘target’ them for invites :-)
Depending on when her birthday is, throwing a class party (if you can afford/bear it!!) is also a good way to get to know more people :-)

Slightly different scenario here - I moved mine at end of Yr 1 and they had to join a class who had been together nearly 2 years already...play dates has really helped here :-)

Miaow that sounds really hard :( I definitely think its more difficult to come into a group of friends who already know each other, especially if you don't have a particularly extroverted child.

Playdates are a great idea - I think I will try to get a couple sorted for half term, as DD is currently so knackered after school and liable to burst into tears at the drop of a hat.

She's had her birthday already, but lots of class parties coming up so hopefully that will help too.

Hi. I'm afraid I don't have any good advice for you but I just want to tell you that we are in the similar situation!

We just moved from France and DD1 is starting reception this Friday, which she is not keen on...
She used to eat lunch at home in France and absolutely hates school canteen as well. ( Her previous school in France was only 1min away from home)
She speaks some English( both DH and I are non-native English speakers) but not great.

I really hope that things will get better for DD and that she will enjoy her school life soon xx

Hi, its normal even for some children who started in September to still be finding it difficult. I would make an appointment with the teacher as soon as possible and tell her clearly that your daughter isn't settling.

There probably isn't as much communication as you're expecting. Its odd when your child starts 'big school' but you become accustomed.

Have you met any of the mums? If anyone asks how she's getting on, don't be afraid to say she's not very happy yet...lots of mum's would be forthcoming with a playdate.

Do you have a class list? We have one arranged by the class rep but the school could give you a list of first names, then you could ask your daughter about the different children. Its a whole new world for her and she may find it hard describing or explaining who's who to you or even remembering, so if you could go through the list together and find out what she's thinking it may help (be prepared to hear all sorts though and take with a pinch of salt!)

At our large school DC arrive all the way through reception. Some settle in immediately and some take a few weeks. Write down a list of concerns and queries and arrange a 15mim chat with teacher. All will be fine before too long I'm sure