How to support son (7) with dyslexia

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Hi all. I have a son who is dyslexic. His reading is OK-ish, but his spelling is very poor.

Although we now have a diagnosis and the school is supportive, he is becoming very demoralized as he takes longer than nearly all the rest of the class to complete writing tasks for example, and says he often has to stay in at break time to do so. His confidence is taking a real hit.

Up till now I have mainly let the school deal with this. I work full time and by the point we are all home at 6pm or later, we are all pretty much over doing more work.

I am beginning to think though that I need to change my hours and be around more to help him. I feel like I am letting him down at the moment. But currently, I don't know what helping him would really involve and even whether it would be helpful. Getting him to do more work after school is a struggle at any time ... and is more work the answer, or is that just additional stress? Is it better to keep my earning capacity up and perhaps pay for additional support?

Does anyone have any advice or thoughts on this? Thanks so much!

how much practical support are school actually able to give him? Please find out exactly what changes they make for him in class - if any? As his reading is 'OK-ish' as you put it, is he at expected levels, despite the dyslexia? Has he managed to get by so far, despite the slow writing tasks and the poor spelling? Are there others in his year that are not so able and therefore get the TA help, extra support time? No money for higher ability kids... This is the problem we found at a state primary with our son. The taking longer to do everything was terribly demoralising, and we too saw confidence fall dramatically. We ended up taking time - slowly and steadily - at home to apply different learning approaches with the spelling tests and the handwriting. There was very little local additional support for us after the demise of Dyslexia Action, so we read up as much as we could, and tailored the reading, spelling and writing to his interests. look locally online for additional support, I was lucky, my working day was shorter and we had some time in the evenings and weekends. But we saw the main benefits from just talking to DS about the dyslexia, showing him what successful dyslexics can do - again loads out there on the web - and rebuilding the confidence that he had lost - it's no fun staying in at break time to do your work when it takes so much more effort to write down what you can because of the dyslexia.

Thanks Brendans, that's so helpful.

I think I need to see the school again, to understand where he is more precisely on expected measures. His dyslexia diagnosis said that he is above average ability. My sense is that he is bright and especially really imaginative (but I would imagine that many mothers think that)! It's so demoralizing for him that he can't get his ideas down on paper.

I like and trust his teachers, but inevitably, they are really busy.

I have ordered some books from Amazon today for him, which approach spelling via cartoons, and I have also ordered some books for me which give more information on how to support a child with dyslexia. I also found a book which is about dyslexia for him, which I thought we could read together and hopefully help with confidence.

Ultimately I think either I need to carve out more time from my working day, or I need to buy-in help. I don't think the school can give him anything more intensive and I can't just watch him slowly sink!

Your DS is probably too tired for extra work after school - dyslexia assessor told me that my dyslexic DS was perpetually exhausted as his processing and short term memory issues meant that he was actually working harder than all the other kids in his class, attempting to keep up in class? I am surprised that the diagnosis you received didn't say what would be done to support your DS in the classroom and also what you could do to help him at home. I didn't feel I could help my DS by working with him myself and moved him to a specialist school, tho appreciate that we were very lucky to have that option.i do empathise with how awful it is to see your child's self worth diminish as they struggle in class - just keep telling him that Da Vinci and Churchill were dyslexiic, too.....where in the UK are you? Helen Arkell in Surrey are good and offer holiday and weekend tuition...

He should not be made to miss playtimes because his writing speed is slower than his peers.

Thanks Polista.

That's a very good point about his exhaustion. He is quite shout-y at the moment and although obviously that's not OK, I think it might originate in part in tiredness and frustration. He is also quite introverted so really needs that downtime after school. What he most wants to do is stare at a screen of some sort, but we obviously try to limit that.

And that is my concern about any additional work after school - so even if made a commitment to do say two afternoons a week with him straight after school, would he really be up for it? And am I the best person, as I do find that he is less willing to accept help from me.

Perhaps I will also look into weekend tuition and a few hours then might help. When you say specialist school, do you mean private but also specialist for dyslexia? I am not sure whether there even is such a thing round here! We're in south-ast London and seemingly surrounded by very 'academic' private schools - which we can't afford!

Pls PM if you like,.OP - my DS is lucky enough to now be at a private dyslexics only prep. I know of another specialist school in Victoria I think - Moon Hall might be name, I will check. Your DS is probably cleverer than half the kids in the 'academic' London preps near you - it's hard for these dyslexic DC to believe that life is a.marathon not a.sprint and that dyslexics usually 'get it together' slightly later in their school.career, when supported x

My DS is now in late primary, but diagnosed with dyslexia and dysgraphia at a similar age to yours. It's really tough, your poor DS. The tiredness, frustration and being wiped out after school is really familiar.
A few things - i agree with educating that he shouldn't have to stay in at break if he hasn't completed his work due to his dyslexia. We had similar issues, went in and talked to the teacher and agreed that if he made an effort and had done a good amount for his own abilities he wouldn't be kept in. similarly they have a 'pen licence' system and DS got his when he'd demonstrated that he'd worked on his writing and improved within his own abilities, rather than waiting till he'd reached some objective standard. Not all the cover teachers etc stuck to it but he was kept in less.
re how you can help him - agree with brendan that supporting him with his confidence, exposure to positive role models etc is one of the most helpful things you can do. in terms of practical help, my understanding of the research is that DC with dyslexia need a mix of 1) regular practice on the micro-skills that they're struggling with and 2) adaptations so that they can circumvent the difficulties and show their strengths - e.g. your DS's amazing imagination. So my DS does some work handwritten in school but does longer pieces on an alpha smart, or sometimes the teacher's computer. In terms of 1), polista really has it with it's a marathon, not a sprint. At first it's really hard to see the wood for the trees but over time with our DS it seemed to become clearer what all the different things he was struggling with were, and then we could target them individually. e.g. if your DS's reading is only OK and his spelling is a struggle, it's likely his ability to 'hear' phonics sounds is limited and he needs lots of practice with these. Re writing, going back to basics on letter formation, positioning etc, there will be changes but in our case it really was slow and gradual. My DS has had literacy support in school with phonics, it's worth really trying to push this. re doing extra work, does he get homework? DS's teachers agreed that he can do some basic skills work with us instead of the set homework, so its not something 'extra'. Sorry, a bit of a ramble - hope it's helpful.

London school I meant is Fairley House in Lambeth sorry. I also tried to boost my DS' flagging self esteem by encouraging him in sports he liked/was good at outside of school, we all need to feel we're good at something, no? Your DS' teacher and school will hopefully be doing likewise - if I were in charge, your DS would be made class prefect, football team captain or something in which he can take pride and keep his end up with others in class. Sadly, school we left wasn't like that - it was more 'to them that have, shall more be given.' E.g. clever kids at top of class should also be put in A teams for every sport, to add to their bragging rights and to their lustre when applying to senior schools! Luckily, DS' new school not like that!

It's a really tricky one. I'm in a similar situation. Both my DCs are dyslexic and I work full time, so it can be hard to stay on top of what the school is doing and I have limited time in the evenings to supervise anything myself.
I have a termly meeting with DS' teacher and am quite bullish about finding out which strategies are working, which aren't and making sure that nobody wastes time pursuing things that don't produce results. I ask lots of difficult questions and am generally horribly demanding and pushy!
It is harder with DD as she doesn't have a diagnosis so despite her clearly having massive problems with reading and writing, the school fobs me off with "There are others with greater needs".
I strongly believe there are enough hours in the day for school to crack on with teaching them and I don't think formal learning should spill over into home time. Having said that I buy loads of comics (Beano, The Phoenix, Lego Friends, Ningago etc) for the kids, lots of graphic novels and loads of books and audio books to encourage a love of reading and the acquisition of complex and sophisticated language. I am also signed up to Nessy which works well for my kids and they enjoy.
I would knock on the head immediately this keeping your son in at break to finish work. They are setting inappropriate tasks which he can't complete in the time, so they need to change the tasks not punish him. I would be very very firm about that. I got so teed off with it with mine that I requested the head call me every time to discuss it with me first and explain the rationale. If he was being naughty, fair dos, if not, forget it. I have to go through the argument every year with every teacher. Exhausting and annoying.
Good luck!

My ds has never been kept in at playtime to finish his work. That must be very upsetting for your ds. My ds does some of his work on an alpha smart and sometimes he dictates to a teacher who types for him. They think my ds learns alot from being able to do his writing work verbally. They never push my ds to write alot. He has Dyslexia and dysgraphia.

Our DS is 7, nearly 8, and he is severely dyslexic. We've recently moved out of London and he's at a small village school where everyone is very much treated as an individual. The school support him as much as they can in lessons (he has fabulous TA and a laptop to use with assistive software and "games" that help with his reading and spelling) and they have agreed to us having a private specialist dyslexia tutor go in to the school to work with him for one hour a week (she's AMAZING). We also do the "Toe by Toe" book at home whenever he's up for it, usually about 2/3 days per week in the morning over breakfast. I agree with pp that it's pointless adding anything further on to the school day. DS is completely exhausted in the afternoons.

It's all working - slowly - he's becoming more and more confident and engaged with his learning.

Link for Toe by Toe here: https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0952256401/ref=mpssa111?ie=UTF8&qid=1516129536&sr=8-1&pi=ACSX2366SY340QL65&keywords=toe+by+toe&dpPl=1&dpID=41hENsFY5pL&ref=plSrch

Polista - Fairley House is also for dyspraxia and dyscalculia ... also aspergers and in some cases autism (they’ll do their assessment when considering the child and let the parent know if they can help).

Just in case anyone is reading who thinks their dc doesn’t fit the dyslexic mould ...

In my experience reading and writing problems are linked to a poor knowledge of the English alphabetic code. I suggest studying this website: www.tcrw.co.uk , which provides an understanding of the synthetic-phonics principles, why some children struggle and what can be done about it.