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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

I feel like I've failed my child already and he's only in Reception!

27 replies

SleepFreeZone · 09/01/2018 13:49

I had no idea my child was meant to be reading to me, instead I was reading to him!! It's been going on for months.

The wordless books where you went meant to discuss what was going on suddenly turned into books with words and then books with lots of words! I had no idea that the expectation was that he was meant to be reading these books to me. It seemed far too early for that! I'm such a dumbass 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

So I've been merrily reading the books to him talking about what was on the pages and getting him to name seasons, weather etc etc. All the time he knew full well he was meant to be reading to me but kept quiet. So now he is a few months behind his friends and I feel so crap.

I'm on massive catch up now and trying to educate myself with phonics so I can help him as much as possible. Argh.

OP posts:

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jimijack · 09/01/2018 13:52

Me too! Exactly the same today in fact it occurred to me.

Except that there is no way he can read any of these to me, he just can't!
I've been picking out letters he can recognize, other than that, clueless!

Stilllivinginazoo · 09/01/2018 13:52

School won't change his books to harder ones if they can't see him progressing
He's pulled a fast one.this will be first of many
Don't fret over it
Chalk it down to experience
Onwards and upwards

KalaLaka · 09/01/2018 13:55

Relax!! All reading is beneficial. You're doing fine.

daydreamnation · 09/01/2018 13:56

I work in F2, I'm a nursery nurse and listening to and teaching children to read is part of my everyday working day ( just to give you some background!)
You have absolutely not failed your ds, you have made a mistake but your intentions were good and sharing a book every evening is a wonderful way to encourage your child to read!
Believe me at least half of my class are never read to and certainly never have an adult listening to them read their books from school. This is despite me gently reminding them time and time again.
It's great that you have now started to listen to him and please do ask school for guidance with phonics etc In their shoes is be delighted to help you!
You're doing fine!

babyboyHarrison · 09/01/2018 13:57

It’s only the first term don’t worry. They’ll have been doing all these things at school so he won’t really be far behind if at all. The school will have sent him with books they think he’s capable of (and a bit of a challenge but not impossible) based on their experience of him during the school day. Sounds like you are making an effort and spending time doing the work with him which I think is the most important bit.

We sort of had the opposite in that for the first time our boy has been sent home with a book with no words having been doing phase 1+ (oxford reading tree) books. No idea what we are supposed to do with it! It’s all still new to us as parents not just the kids.

Callamia · 09/01/2018 14:02

Reading TO your child is great. They’re learning all sorts from that. Don’t bash yourself one bit.

All the evidence about vocabulary size, literacy etc reports ‘being read to’ as a major contributor. So, far from failing...

GuestWW · 09/01/2018 14:04

You sound like a great parent - you have made reading enjoyable and un-pressured. He is a lucky child because it is most likely he will associate reading with fun, comfort and imagination. I am sure it won't take him very long at all to catch-up.

So many children never experience that.

Original poster

SleepFreeZone · 09/01/2018 14:04

Thank you all for being so kind 💐 Ive been beating myself up for 24 hours. I've had the weekend from hell so I'm probably being stupidly dramatic.

Thing is he read to me last night and this morning and he could blimming well do it. He's just been having me on for months.

He's got an incredible memory and I have a feeling he will just memorise the book in the future once he's read it once. Does that matter? I know we've been asked to memorise 45 keywords anyway so I assume a lot of the other words become stored in our memory after a time too otherwise all of us would be sounding out every word 😬

OP posts:

fizzicles · 09/01/2018 14:10

You haven't failed your kid and he hasn't tried to trick you. My DD is in reception and I am also a reception teacher (since last week, anyway!). She sometimes gets books that she can read (I.e. she knows all of the ohobemes/tricky words) and we try to encourage her to read as much of those to us as she can. Some days she will, others she's just too tired or distracted so we might take it in turns. But sometimes her reading book has lots of words that I know she can't read yet. If that's the case, I would read it to her, maybe ask her to read certain words, point out certain letters/graphemes, talk about the story, guess what will happen next, think about how the characters are feeling. There is lots of learning to be done, even when they are not reading the whole book to you.

I think ideally, every child would bring home a book that only contains words they can read (fully decodable), would read it to an engaged and responsive adult who had a good understanding of phonics and what their child has learnt already. The reality is that school might not have enough nooks are an appropriate level, some kids won't read to anyone at all, or will read with an older sibling, some parents have little experience with phonics as they learnt to read with a different method. So schools and parents have one do the best they can. You've been reading regularly with your child, now you can encourage him to read to you as much as he/the books allow. He'll be fine – there's plenty of time to learn to read, and you don't need to compare him to his peers.

1happyhippie · 09/01/2018 14:12

I have three dc and I read al their books with them until they started recognising some words.
They are all pretty good readers. You haven't let your child down at all op.
Wait for the day you forget to sign the bloody reading record after they have happily read to you, then you feel bad 😩

PurpleTraitor · 09/01/2018 14:15

My reception aged child has never read to me. My older child could not read until well into year 1. We read together daily. I don’t see the problem.

Runningoutofusernames · 09/01/2018 14:27

In plenty of countries - many with better academic results than ours - he would still have been happily illiterate for another year or two. Don't worry! Besides, this level of sneakiness suggests he's highly intelligent

BubblesBuddy · 09/01/2018 14:38

What I would do now is: get to him to read his school books to you as required. Fill in the reading log if there is one. Secondly: get hold of books and read them to him. The library will have loads. Mine enjoyed poems because they can be funny and have a great rhythm. Story books that are engaging and have lots of new words and stimulate discussion. It not either/or, it’s both. Bedtime stories are still very worthwhile.

I am surprised your school hasn’t had a parents evening on how they teach reading though and to include how parents are part of that.

LittleTinyPig · 09/01/2018 14:41

In reception my DC used to bring home two books - one they were supposed to read to me and a "sharing" book I was supposed to read to them. It was quite confusing!

sproutsandparsnips · 09/01/2018 14:52

In the first term of reception my ds1 was reading to me but it was a frustrating time. DS2 was completely incapable until the end of reception. TBH the fact that you are sitting with a book at all is more than many children get so I think you are doing a fantastic job. You sound very patient!

Original poster

SleepFreeZone · 09/01/2018 14:59

The school did a little after school lesson yesterday on how they teach reading and that's how I found out I was already doing it wrong 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:

Terrylene · 09/01/2018 15:21

DS1 taught himself to read.

My twins did a number on me. They had me reading everything to them. In year 1 they brought in the literacy programme (mostly dropped) and stopped reading individually with the teacher. I got very frustrated with their lack of progress at school and used to buy bundles of ORT books for them which would improve their reading standard within a week

In Y3 I got p'd off and talked to the Head about it - it transpired they were picking the school reading books off the shelf that 'looked the easiest', thus doing a number on the school. In Y4 we visited the Bayeux tapestry and they had me read the English information for about 2/3 of the blessed thing before they got bored and walked off. I got bored with all the bedtime reading and the Head told me to buy tapes. They loved being read to [weary emoticon]

Things improved in Y5 when the teacher introduced daily Silent Reading so she could get her paperwork in order.

They both got the top level for reading in SATs but both were picked out for extra spelling at high school and one for reading practice.

They both went on to A levels in English Literature (well 'read' after listening to every classic on story tapes over the years ).

However, they both have problems with Dyslexia that did not come to light until Uni. So that is worth bearing in mind if things do not go according to plan. A lot of children with this sort of problem manage to look as if they are coping at school when they have a problem.

reluctantbrit · 09/01/2018 15:22

We found that DD didn't want to read as she thought we would then stop reading to her. As soon as she discovered that we had no intention of stopping she happily read her school books.

The school's head of literacy recommends to read to a child until they reach at least the end of primary. We always read books DD found to hard to read herself so she got stretched without the dread to finish a chapter when she found it too much.

Now she is 10 and we still read to her but hardly get much out of a book, she will just carry on after bedtime to finish it herself.

MiaowTheCat · 09/01/2018 17:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsU88 · 09/01/2018 21:26

Dont worry he will be fine.

I listen to reception readers as a volunteer at our local school, and last year there was 1 child who the whole year didnt read at home with a parent, a few only read a handful of times over the year.

What you have been doing by reading and asking questions is actually VERY useful. My dc is now in yr 1 and we have to listen to them read and ask all the "comprehension" questions to make sure they're taking notice of whats happening and understanding what is happening. e.g... "why would mog be sad?", "how could they solve that problem" "what might happen next" "why did Jess do that?"...but i dont think they start that until yr1 and above (may vary from school to school)

reading lots of words is good....but understanding what it all means is VERY important.

Original poster

SleepFreeZone · 09/01/2018 21:57

This evening I decided to subscribe to the recommended phonics site the school seem to use and honestly I found it really dire. It relies on the patentbknowing how to correct the child and I don't feel qualified to do that.

Instead I found a site called www.oxfordowl.co.uk/ and that seemed incredibly helpful for free. I suppose the first site did have lots of games and interactive things but the other site explains what on Earth I'm meant to be doing to help DS and that feels more important right now.

OP posts:

Lowdoorinthewal1 · 10/01/2018 07:52

You could also do Teach Your Monster To Read together. That will teach you the sounds as well as him!

Nectarines · 10/01/2018 08:17

At his age I actually believe that it’s more beneficial for him to be read to at home. That means correct reading, expression, inference, love of reading is all modelled on a regular basis.

This is essential groundwork to ensure he develops into a reader rather than someone who can read.

Original poster

SleepFreeZone · 12/01/2018 09:37

lowdoor I've downloaded that app and DS loves it. Thank you 👌

OP posts:

ItchyKondera · 12/01/2018 12:58

Oh blimey don't worry. My little boy is in reception and last night was the first night he sounded out a 3 letter word! We've only just moved on to books with words anyway, you haven't failed him at all - you have been spending time with him doing something he enjoys and showing him reading is important. Loads of time for him to be able to do it himself

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