Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Flip

Original poster

Unhappy about ds friendship

15 replies

Snowno · 10/12/2017 19:59

DD (4) has just started school, always been a well bahaved child
However since starting school her behaviour at school has been not so good. Pushing friends etc. She has started to settle down of late, however I have concerns about a friendship she has made.
She is playing every day with only one child , a girl who is 8/9 yrs old (yr 4) who has a very troubled and complicated background (violence in the family,ss involvement etc.She has been violent towards her family due to behavioural difficulties) My Dd is saying she plays with her every day and stops others picking on this child.
I am not happy for a number of reasons - mostly the Age difference and the experiences this child has had , I don't want my Dd to grow up too quickly and hear / learn things / be influenced by this child .But on the other hand I feel proud that she is standing up for a child who is having a very rough time.
So my question is do I intervene and ask the school to try and encourage my Dd to play with children her own age ? (And visa versa)

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ryvitaandchocolate · 10/12/2017 20:01

The age difference would worry me, but I think the rest is a bit mean really.

llangennith · 10/12/2017 20:03

Regardless of family background she may be stopping your DD from making friends with her year group. I would speak to the teacher.

Movablefeast · 10/12/2017 20:04

I do think that is a big age gap and it's not appropriate for a 4 yr old to be "protecting" an 8 yr old. I wouldn't say anything negative to my child but would talk to the school for a way that they can intervene subtly.

I think it shows the 8 yr old is immature and needs more support.

Alwaysstressed999 · 10/12/2017 20:04

That's a tough one! You don't want to just dismiss the older child because she's got a shitty home life. Perhaps having a nice friend in your DD will be good for her! But I would also be a bit worried too about my little one picking things up/hearing stuff they shouldn't! But tbh when they go to school then they'll be picking all sorts up anyway! I would say to the school in the nicest possible way that you have concerns 😕

Original poster

Snowno · 10/12/2017 20:07

I totally get what your saying , I am not meaning to be mean - that's why I am worrying about it.I know this child has been very violent at home , so I am concerned for my Dd. Age difference is my main concern , I suppose I just feel that this friend (through no fault of their own) will not be the most innocent 8/9 year old and its concerning me having my Dd who has just started school grow up too quickly or get involved in being bullied or learn the wrong things.

OP posts:

user789653241 · 10/12/2017 20:08

Why hasn't she made any friends from her class/year group? That is more of a worry to me. It looks like your dd and other girl both have social difficulty and attracted to each other.

Original poster

Snowno · 10/12/2017 20:11

Thank you was having a sleepless night worrying about it. As I was worrying about the friend as my Dd might be her only friend , but at the same time really concerned for my Dd as she is very impressionable and has had a tough time settling and getting her own behaviour right and been in trouble quite alot.
Not enjoying this primary school stuff already !

OP posts:

Movablefeast · 10/12/2017 20:14

What behavioural issues is your own child having?

Original poster

Snowno · 10/12/2017 20:15

I think my Dd has made friends in her year , however gravitates to this other friend at playtime , not sure why. Will speak to the school this week.

OP posts:

Original poster

Snowno · 10/12/2017 20:17

my Dd just had some settling issues and pushed the boundaries , not good at sharing,wanting to be first etc. But this has settled down now.

OP posts:

user789653241 · 10/12/2017 20:23

My ds always made friends with older children when he was younger. I think he was mature for his age, and got on better with older children.
He only started to make more close friends of his own age in yr2 upwards.

Original poster

Snowno · 10/12/2017 20:34

Irvine thanks should I just leave it alone ? not sure if I am being a bit precious and over protective. My Dd is mature and big for her age and has always had friends a year older. But I think yr 4 seems a bit too old and the violence and bahavioural difficulties from friend to family is concerning me. Not sure what school could do anyway tbh.

OP posts:

Movablefeast · 10/12/2017 20:40

They could find other children for the older child to be with

user789653241 · 10/12/2017 20:46

No, I don't think you should leave it, I think it's good to have older friends, but better to have same aged friends as well.
My ds was happy at school, but also felt only that he didn't really have close friends in his year group. He got on with other children and to teacher's eyes, he looked popular and always smiling and happy.
But inside he was feeling isolated, but didn't know why he couldn't get on with children his age like he did with older ones.
So I would speak with teacher and ask her opinion and keep an eye for her.

Original poster

Snowno · 10/12/2017 21:01

Thank you great advice . Will talk to them this week.

OP posts:

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread