DS school choice predicament. HELP!

[tvhearts]

So my DS is at a lovely preschool/nursery class (I’m not sure what it’s called in your area) which is part of the school he’d attend. He’s been there since September and has settled ok. It’s our local village school and my MIL use to work there and is good friends with the current head. There were a couple of things that have bothered me about it, lack of outdoor provision, classrooms are a little small and crowded and ok this is going to sound bad but all the staff are 45+ it’s great in one respect that the staff have been there years but i do think it perhaps means the school isn’t very “forward thinking” That said the staff are really caring and basically we were happy with the school.

We have to complete the form for his place at school in January and my husband suggested looking round a few others before we made our final choice ... BAD IDEA ... we did and really fell in love with one. I won’t go into loads of details as the post is already long but it’s fabulous and we really want DS and eventually DD to go there. We love that they do so much outdoor stuff and the class sizes are really small. My DS has done a couple of trial mornings as obviously we didn’t want to make a decision without doing that first and he really loved it he seems to have taken to it so quickly, he also seems to love the teacher which is cute. It’s definitely added to the final decision.

So basically the question is this - how the hell do I tell the other school?? I’m just so aware I look like a total bitch who’s snubbing my local school! Offending my lovely MIL and all the friends I’ve made there “it’s not good enough here for my child” etc etc but I don’t want to send my DCs to my 2nd choice school to be polite?

PLEASE be kind, I know I probably sound horrible saying all this but would welcome any words of advice as I’m really struggling with what to do here.

Don't tell the school anything?! If anyone asks, be honest. You prefer the other one. That's what school choice is, your preference. I'm struggling to see the issue?

Well how do I say "err he's not coming back?" Doesn't seem much point in him continuing the preschool there if he won't go to school there? My MIL is on the PTA there and sees the head as friends. I can't really just say nothing?

Why do you have to say anything? Surely you just fill in the forms and indicate your first choice. Once’s DD’s been allocated you can then tell the head in writing. As far as people’s reactions, you will find you come up against this a lot, wether it’s not going to the local secondary school, (don’t even think of going private!) type of university etc. You’ll develop a thick skin soon enough, you might as well start now.
Decision’s for your child’s education is not based on personal relationships but what’s best for her at that particular time. Where she will excel the most. Forget about the naysayers, practice your death stare and don’t engage with the twiddle twaddle.

Get DH to speak to mil. If she’s the type that will kick up a fuss then tell her nothing till all is concluded. I’m sure she’ll find something to say to the head. If she is reasonable tell her in private, she will see sense, for all you she might even agree with you but just kept quiet.

You don't need to tell them. The school will receive a list of pupils who will be starting in September and your child's name won't be on it. Am assuming the other school is not usually oversubscribed and you are certain that you'll get a place?

Honestly, you’re massively overthinking this. You don’t need to say anything. IF Ds gets a place at the other school, his name won’t appear on this school’s starter list. Simple.

It’s a bit awkward, all the social links with the school. But I guess all you can do is be honest. “We’ve put school A as first choice because we really really liked it etc”. Your DS is unlikely to be the first child who’s had a different school as the first choice.
I wouldn’t say anything to the school until places are allocated if I could avoid it though, in case this lovely school turns out to be oversubscribed and your DS doesn’t get in. Have you got the local down as a back up choice on your form?

As for pre- school - unless you meant there’s an option to switch him to the other school’s pre-school, I’d leave him in pre- school, it’s about more than just getting used to the school it’s attached to after all.

Why do you need to tell them anything? Firstly, your child may not be allocated the school you prefer (I’m assuming it is a state school) and he may end up going to the village school anyway. You can only express a preference for a state school. You cannot choose per se.

Secondly, if he does get in to the school you want the current school will be informed by the LA as they will receive a list when school paces are allocated in April. And you DSs name won’t be on it so they will know then. Honestly don’t stress about it. Staff won’t care nearly as much as you think they will.

I'm not trying to put you off your choice - but please consider a couple of things
if its a state school small classes mean financial woes for the school
a nice teacher can get pregnant and got on mat leave or leave for promotion

that said don't make a big deal. We did a similar thing (my DH was a governor on the school we ditched - v embarrassing) We just said 'the admissions will be coming through soon and I wanted to tell you personally that DS name wont be on the list - we have loved this school and wish you all the success in the future but for DS we feel that x school is more suited to his needs. So here you could say x school's outdoor learning opportunities are what he needs.

Thanks for your replies, I appreciate them loads and especially that no ones been too horrible yet haha. I get what you are saying definitely but it's just that the situation is perhaps a bit different here. He's in the nursery/receeption class so already had loads of comments like "ooh next year he'll do this" etc and it's already making me feel awkward. I think because the school is so small it would seem odd if I didn't say anything.

Thanks grasspigeons - that's so helpful and nice to know others been in the same position xx

The only thing I would say as a caution is if you are out of catchment, check the admission rules for siblings. You might find when applying for a sibling place at this school that the oversubscription criteria puts siblings out of catchment last. Not a problem if undersubscribed for the year but will be if it isn't. Aside from that, it sounds the best fit for your ds. Leave it to dh to sort out the awkwardness. After all, it was his idea to look around other schools!

I agree TV in small schools where your child is in nursery class I do think its courteous to say something but it doesn't need to be much.

The head teacher was really sweet when I explained. She just said it was a shame and she felt that DS would have thrived at her school after seeing him in nursery but that X school was a good school, she knew the head there and was sure he would thrive there too. It is just a job to them at the end of the day and it must happen all the time.

The school isn't oversubscribed at all, certainly now but like you say could be an issue next time. Might ask the head about that. She'll start preschool there relatively soon.

Also, they have a nursery there so my thought is he might as well be at the nursery where he'll be going to school?

Are you certain you would get a Reception place being further away? On the form you can certainly place your preferred one above the village school. Are both usually undersubscribed? However it would be a risk to move him for nursery as that gives no priority in the admissions process so you may then find yourselves having to move him back again. If you did get allocated your preferred one for September would moving after Easter be an option. Are you happy to do the longer journey in all weathers, to parties and playdates, for 7 ish years?

It is all the social links that would have put me off in tbe first place.

I know what you mean temporary, I'd like to be a bit more anonymous too

As others have said, it's probably not as big a deal to the teachers as it seems to you. It happens all the time for different reasons. You don't have to say anything

In fact I would be hesitant to say anything and certainly not move nursery until your place at the other school is actually confirmed.

If it's not your local school, I'm assuming you don't know how many siblings and catchment children will be applying who will have priority over you. Have any new houses been built recently nearby? That can also change how over/under subscribed a school is.

Fill in the application. Then put all thoughts of schools to the back of your mind until offer day. Then when you know for sure where he will be going then you can tell people.

When you say DS has had trial morning, presumably this would be in the preschool? When picking a school, remember not just to think about your child now but how he will develop. Small classes in a state school is very unusual and is possibly unsustainable. Do they actually use that lovely outside space? Finally,as others have said what are this chances of getting in and those of his sister?

Hi yes, they do forest school twice a week so it's used. I'm going to ask the head about this sibling thing next week as it's definitely something I need to consider.

Admission codes should be on the schools' websites.

Forest school twice a week all the way through school? Genuinely or just what they tell parents?

Yes they do, you can tell looking round it's not 'for show' think that's why we've been "wowed" it really is lovely 😊

You don’t need to ask the head OP. All schools must publish their admission criteria on their website so you should be able to just look it up. The school I work in gives priority on distance rather than sibling links so it is worth double checking.

Thanks thesamecoin will check website now x