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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Primary education

Would you dare to mention this?

13 replies

earlgrey · 19/04/2007 18:30

DD2 (Y4) is in a school which has a naturally transiant population. In September, a girl started in her class and dd1, wanting to find a new friend, befriended her. She has done this in the past and now the other girl is in with the 'in' crowd.

However, this lovely girl, it seems, is left out of everything, and I'm sure it's because her command of English isn't that great. Three times I've witnessed it myself - escorting the class to something or other, being in the back playground with the older kids, etc etc. Question is, IF I mention it to anyone, would I get anyone's shackles up? DD2 has the only male teacher in the school and (not that I'm sexist)LOL I think that he might not be properly intuned to (a) children learning English as a second language and (b) how isolating that can make her.

The head, who I sometimes share playground duty with, is completely and utterly absorbed in the children, which is lovely, but because of this I'm not sure that he's noticed. Have to sign off now 'cos dds are chumping the bit but would love to hear what you think.

At one time I noticed her just standing by the door for the full 40 mins after lunch. Just looking. I just feel so sorry for her. And I've been working at school for such a short time, I don't want to come across as this know-it-all, it's just my obserbations.

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fryalot · 19/04/2007 18:39

Could you try to encourage her to join in with things when you are working? It seems such a shame. Sorry I don't have any real advice.... don't know whether you should say something or not.

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earlgrey · 19/04/2007 18:46

Sq, I'm only there 2 hours a week, apart from the stuff I help out with anyway. And that's usually on a trip/caring for the reception class.

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fryalot · 19/04/2007 18:47

oh god, I'm so sorry, I don't know what to suggest.... are there any sympathetic teachers who you could mention it to over a coffee or something so it doesn't appear that you are interfering?

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PeachesMcLean · 19/04/2007 18:53

Poor kid. Can I just clarify though? You think the teacher might be leaving her out of things rather than the children? Are there many children in the school who are learning english?

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earlgrey · 19/04/2007 20:39

Yes, Peaches, they've got a wonderful ESL teacher. Just think she may have slipped the net in terms of her capabilities.

And yes, I think it's the children AND her teacher. From my point of view we were going to have her round for a play date before Easter, then we had to cancel. Since then dd1 has been saying 'Well, she'll come round but you won't be able to speak to her, Mummy'.

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PeachesMcLean · 19/04/2007 21:11

Hopefully, if she's one of the in crowd with your daughter, she must be doing ok - maybe she's just not one for larger, more extended socialising...
I'd definitely try and say something though, even if it's just really informally at first to one or two of the other staff there. If you've observed something you're concerned about, surely you've got every right to want to mention it to someone there.

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ShrinkingViolet · 19/04/2007 21:18

and start with "I know this may sound daft but....." and finish with ".....and I wasn't really sure what to do" which IME works pretty well in getting people to do the things they ought to be doing, but (for whatever reason) aren't.

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gladbag · 19/04/2007 21:31

earlgrey - you sound lovely.

For what it's worth (and I'm assuming here, that your job is a lunchtime supervisor) as a class teacher I always greatly valued LS's input into what was happening socially over the lunchtime period. In fact in the schools I've worked in, feeding back to staff members about social stuff they had noticed was an important part of the job, as we were often unaware of things going on that had a big impact for individual children, and carried over into learning and the classroom. And it worked the other way round as well - I often asked lunchtime supervisors to keep an eye on certain children for me, if I was concerned about friendships, or behaviour, or eating, or parental worries etc etc

If you don't feel that the class teacher is approachable, then I think you should have a quick chat with the ESL teacher - just mention that you'd seen her standing by herself for the whole playtime () and say you thought she's be glad to know. There should be systems in place to support this type of situation, and if there aren't, then maybe you saying something will get the ESL teacher involved and doing something proactive for her. I do hope so, anyway. HTH

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gladbag · 19/04/2007 21:37

I've just reread your OP, and think that maybe you are a parent volunteer, which puts a slightly different slant on things, but I still don't think it would be interfering if you simply mention what you saw (although I wouldn't say anything about how you think her class teacher is handling the situation, as that could be construed as over-stepping the mark ).

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SofiaAmes · 19/04/2007 21:46

Wouldn't it be best to mention something to the teacher before the head. It's so simple for a teacher to help include a child (buddy system activities etc.). At my ds' school (state school in usa) the teachers don't seem to generally do lunch duty and therefore are not always aware of what's happening on the playground. For example, my ds (6) started getting bullied by a couple of kids in his class. I mentioned it to the teacher who was completely unaware since it wasn't apparent in the classroom because of the more formal structure there. She made a few adjustments (seating arrangements) and spoke to the class as a whole about fair play and spent a couple of lunch periods outside with the class and in a few weeks had completely eliminated the problem. (DS thinks it's because he beat the ringleader in a math quiz!)
So, anyway, I think it's perfectly possible that the teacher just hasn't noticed and would happily do something about it if you mentioned it.

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earlgrey · 20/04/2007 06:18

Thanks so much everyone. I'm glad to know you didn't think I'd be out of order. I'll mention it next week. The only reason I thought the head would be better is because he seems really 'in tune' with the children and is a very approachable, all-hands-on-deck kind of person. But I'll see who's around next week. Thanks again!

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lucy5 · 20/04/2007 07:49

Isn't there a buddy scheme running at the school?

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Twiglett · 20/04/2007 08:00

I was on a course last night on safeguarding

ok this isn't the same but some of the advice about when you should speak up was totally relevant

ask yourself 3 questions

what would it feel like to be the child?
what will happen if I do nothing?
what would I want if this was my child?

I'd say something personally .. start with the teacher (think of how you phrase it first though) and