DD (6) not keen on teacher; says she wants to leave school; anxious & crying; possible dyslexia?

[tartanterror]

DD says she "hates" school and her teacher. This year she has someone strict (a good teacher but maybe a bit Teutonic for her taste) and she's been crying and clingy at drop off. We've had this before from time to time but nothing like this. Apparently she's anxious in class and gets upset/cries over small things. Her self esteem seems to be at rock bottom and be a glass half empty sort of girl when things aren't going well.

She's always been this way but it's gone up a notch this year. The teacher has been telling me to keep things calm for her at home, but the fact is she is fine at home.... it's going to school that's making her anxious and tearful!

At home I noticed in YR she wasn't confident with maths so have done lots with her and it's now one of her favourites. She's always liked writing but her spelling is dodgy. I thought that would come in time and I got a Nessy subscription recently to help her/keep it fun - we have to wait to see how much it helps but she's enjoying it. In the back of my mind I'm aware she often reverses or mixes up letters when she writes. Yesterday I discovered that she can't write out the alphabet correctly! She missed out/didn't know/swapped around 6 letters. I was a bit shocked as she's been singing the alphabet since she was 3 no problem. Her reading is good so no problems there; spelling is the tricky area. However she seems to be at the top table so is still managing to work to a good level. She's not happy that children at other tables get to do colouring after their short pieces of writing - while she "just gets more writing"!

I'm wondering if she's had spelling/letter trouble throughout school and has managed to cover it up? Our efficient teacher this year is perhaps exposing her weaknesses and she's struggling with that? She doesn't like to make mistakes.

DD is very single minded and I need to squash this before I have full blown school refusal on my hands! I thought I'd see what small things ( e.g. Colouring) that would help her stay engaged and speak to the teacher, but she's not really able to tell me.

I've tried jollying, persuading and being strict, but she says she wants to "stay with me". She's always been a mummy's girl but this seems to be at a higher level now that she's moving up the school and teachers/TAs are doing less hugging.

Sorry about the long/humbly tale. Any tips for what I can do to help?

MaizeD it’s based on OG so isn’t phonics as we would define it and it definitely used letter names when I saw it but could have changed.

Interesting - thanks.

It’s the silly games, rhymes and videos that make Nessy appealing to DD. It seems to help the spelling “rules” be memorable in a visual way which she seems to like. Not masses of typing so far....

School send home spellings - each word to be copied out 5 times. She does this well when copying but so far the Nessy visuals seem to have helped her recall more than the kinaesthetics...

As far as I can tell our school has a lot of support in place for teaching the kids to read. Writing and Spelling strategies are less well defined.

Because of our experience with DS, I’ve realised that (understandably) the teachers we’ve had so far are focussed on our year with them - and less so on our long term trajectory.

The ‘wait and see’ approach hasn’t served us well with his SEN so I’m not keen to repeat my mistakes with DD ...... I’d much rather get her off on the best foot now, especially as her confidence seems so low

Maybe my question is - how do you get a handle on a child’s difficulties when they are good at hiding/bluffing?

Some children feel safe with "strict" teachers, some children are incredibly sensitive to strictness but thrive with quieter more empathetic characters in charge. I know this because I had both in my primary, and I was scared to death by the strict ones, who no doubt were only being authoritative rather than authoritarian.

I don't think you are being over anxious on your child's behalf, I think she is genuinely might need a different approach if she has difficulty managing the demands of Yr 1. I don't think you are pandering to her emotions, her emotions ARE her difficulties. Is she worried that in some way she has failed by not being on the higher table? I think the teacher should not give colouring to those who complete their work quickly, it seems very inequitable to anyone with difficulties writing.

School send home spellings - each word to be copied out 5 times. She does this well when copying but so far the Nessy visuals seem to have helped her recall more than the kinaesthetics...

'Copying' is indeed a kinaesthetic activity but it's not a good strategy for learning to spell. It misses out the essential link between the individual 'sounds' in the word and the letters used to spell them. Writing the word from 'memory', having broken it into its component sounds and taken particular note of any sound spelling that might be tricky or unfamiliar (usually no more than one per word) is much more effective.

Nessy may well require a child to spell a spoken word, which 'should' require them to break it into its component sounds, but typing the response doesn't provide the necessary kinaesthetic element.

I'm curious, though, if she's not having to type responses what does the programme do to 'secure' the correct spelling?

Some require clicking on the correct option given three spellings of the word MaizeD

I misread the bit about the colouring, I see it is for the lower tables. Maybe the teacher still needs to give everyone the same amount of writing AND colouring. I would have much preferred to do colouring at that age!

I think she needs a lot of reassurance about why things are happening in the classroom and the reason for them.

Follow up: The Y2 teacher decided to take a kinder approach and worked to boost DD’s confidence in the end. DD got back to enjoying school again but her self esteem remained rock bottom and she started saying worrying things about being “no good at anything”. Her spelling didn’t improve through Y2 and Nessy stopped being fun when she realised she wasn’t making progress with the spelling - she can remember the day she learns it but then forgets and can’t recall after 3-4 separate teachings.

A friend suggested an ed psych who has confirmed DD has working memory problems and is dyslexic. She’s bright so is the type that can cover it up until late primary when it’s more difficult to unpick.

If any parents are reading this and their gut says that “something” is amiss, then there probably is!

I’m so glad to see your update! I’ve only just seen this post and was ready to tell you to go private for dyslexia testing my daughter is so similar to yours she is going into year 5 next week- I knew from reception my daughter was dyslexic but no one listens to me- give her time - she’s fine- she’s not dyslexic. Well year four her self esteem was lower than low. I had enough she hated school but liked her teacher who was very engaging. I went private and also ended up finding out she had Irlens syndrome after a specialist mentioned it I got her tested. I’m inwardly dreading year five. She’s so behind and struggling due to the flaming ‘proffesionals’ being so difficult and not accepting that her no progress was a bloody concern! I will be getting a tutor for her this year so she has a chance to try and catch up but I know the school refusal will start soon. So glad you’re in a much better position and I agree as a parent you do often know when something isn’t right yet as a parent you get ignored a lot.

Thanks for your reply Penguin and sorry to hear about your daughter. Kumon has been suggested to us. I think it sounds pretty boring, but apparently the repetition is probably what we need. I can reccomend Doodlemaths app for getting confidence up with maths and they're releasing a spelling version this week so look out for introductory offers. Best of luck