Quads separated at school

[quadmamma2]

Hi , I have 5 year old quads , our catchment primary wasn’t great so we opted to homeschool until a place for all the kids was available at our preferred school. They would be primary 1. We were told there were places available and today we got a tour, but we were told they would be split between 3 class P1g , P1h and a P1/2 class. This has made me feel uneasy as they all have slight developmental delays, all struggle in social situations, each ‘block’ has there own play ground and each class is in a different block meaning they all couldn’t socialise at break or lunch , to add I’d also pick them up at different doors. My OH wants to take he places as it is a busy school and they may not be offered again. Would you take the places ? Should I ask if it can be two and two so none are left alone ?

As a twin mum I have to ask...how did you cope with their babyhood???

The playground situation does seem very strange tbh. I've never experienced that sort of building.

From a teacher's POV- four children with additional support needs would be extremely difficult. They will get more targeted attention if they are split.

Glad it wasn't just me who let my sister do the talking .

I appreciate you say you know the benefits and that you don't think they are ready but what advantages do you see of them staying together when you know from the past they cling to each other and rely on each other. You have a great chance in that school is new to them, they know no different they won't even know they can be in the same class. If you don't split now then you could find it much much harder in future if they know they can be together.

I think it is a shame you did not take the three places that were available at the start of the year, there would have been far more flexibility to sort out which class was best for them, and I think you could have put in a good case for the fourth to be offered a place as well as a multiple.

So the places offered are the ones available? In other words, if you put them together it would mean moving another child out of a class mid year? If so, I don’t think it’s reasonable for you to request that (unless there is another child who wants to move for some reason).

I'd see if you could split them 2 and 2. Im one of a triplet and went to a primary with 2 form entry. We would take it in turns, and look forward to the year where we were in a class by ourselves. We obviously walked to and from school together and were together at all other times. We shared interests which isnt uncommon for children of the same age and gender to have so we were together then too. We had separate friends but all knew each others friends too as we at some point had been in a class with them too. We were together until we all went to different universities and it wasnt until then I had ever really gone anywhere by myself (apart from Saturday jobs). Their bond wont be affected by being in different classes. There is alot of independent time in school anyway, and if they all have different learning needs they would unlikely be in the same "groups" anyway.

I chose to separate my twins from reception. Best thing I ever did.

I’m a twin and much preferred being separate - I love my twin dearly, but when you are together you are treated as an extension of each other, which was really hard for both of us

As a teacher and a parent of twins I feel very strongly that there is never a reason for keeping multiples together.

Nutty why not ? Im a twin myself and went to a single entry school until P3 we were separated then back together then separated all dependent on levels. Never an issue we liked being together and when separate often got envious (she is going on a trip to so and so , there class did so and so) we actually preferred being together and both developed fine and now are just as close to each other as our other siblings. My main concern is at nursery they would all work independently but enjoyed knowing the others were close by . Our nursery split rooms into groups (Cats , dogs , rabbits etc ) and our girls were separated, so during independent play they could play together but during structured activity were separated.

I'm not a parent of multiples (though have lots of friends with twins), but almost everything about bringing up a child requires some kind of compromise. In this case, the compromise for your DC to go to the school that you want is that they won't all be in the same class.

I get that the different sides of the building thing is tricky - and who wants to do four lots of parent-teacher conferences?? - but something has got to give and if this school is right in every other way, you could at least try it surely?

I don't think that there is anything wrong with asking, but you may have to accept that the school doesn't currently have two classes with two spaces and will probably be reluctant to disrupt things for a child who is settled in their current class so as to keep your children in pairs.

I can understand why you are concerned given your experience at nursery (although that was quite a while ago now I assume) and I can also see why you'd like for your children to be able to play together at break times and not to pick up at the same time from three different entrances. It may not be possible to change the classes but perhaps there are some other compromises that could be made.

Ole surely the point is that you should do 4 lots of parent/teacher meetings even if they were with the same teacher. Picking up children from different doors is something many (most?) parents of different age children manage to do.

I’m not sure you should be expecting a school to treat them differently to any other children. They have to go where the spaces are and will undoubtedly be fine doing so. Whilst the special relationship is lovely, they do need to learn independence too and if they are all in together that can become difficult. My twins were together in nursery and inseparable then split between classes at reception. They pined initially but got over it and realised they had sufficient resilience to cope; it was actually good for them in the slightly longer term. By the time they went boarding they were in different houses because they were different genders but as they’d learned to be individuals they were fine. Are you sure it’s not you projecting your anxiety onto the children?

I am going against the majority here, I believe that children need to feel secure emotionally before they can learn, and if that means keeping them together, or 2 and 2, then you should push for that. You are their mum, you know them best. Others can give anecdotal advice but you are the one who understands their needs better than anyone. Ask for what you believe to be in their best interests.

Younger children are often let out at different times to older ones, or have to be picked up in different ways (eg my younger child had to be picked up from her classroom where my older child was taken by his teacher to the playground door and then let loose which was much quicker). The OP could have a timing challenge if she is supposed to be in three different places at the same time. Especially if it's a big school (which I assume it is if it has classes called 'g' and 'h').

I think you are probably worrying too much. My twins are separated at school and they have really grown in confidence since they have been in different classes. They also have different break times. Have you asked them what they think?

The school is set up like so

P1G(teachers initial)
P1H
P1M
P1O
P1/2
P2...
P2...
p2...
P2/3
P3...
p3...
P3...
P3/4 and so until primary 7
Where it is
P6/7
P7
P7
P7
P7(not every year)

P1 leave at 3 , 2- 3.05 , 3-3.10 then p4 and p5 at the gate at 3:15 and p6 and p7 and 3:20 (due to size of school )

Playgrounds set up

According to dual classroom block (share exit to outside) so P1m and P1g are together , p1h and p1o are together , p1/2 and 2.. together. The years share open areas (p1-3 and 4-7) this means they aren’t in a line per se but round corners through gates ; I have a 9 year old at the school already who i collect from the gate (teacher doesn’t have to hand to parent as such).

Posie the school though needs to consider the best interests of the teachers/other children& parents Hence why they may not want to move individual children and then give one teacher 4 new children who are likely to need a significant amount of support.

Ah this is tough - I knew that I wanted my twins together when they first started school and this worked really well for reception and the first part of year 1, but by mid year 1 it was becoming clear that they needed to be separated (one has additional needs which were becoming more and more obvious and the other was holding himself back to be with his brother). Separating them meant also moving schools as they were in a one form entry school so it was a huge decision and I agonised about it even though I knew it was the right thing to do. I was so stressed and anxious about it all but they managed the transition absolutely fine, much better than I expected and it's been the best thing for both of them - both academically and socially.

So I suppose what I'm saying in a roundabout way is that you know your children best and you need to trust your instincts on this. That said, it's much harder to find the right spaces for 4 vs 2 children! Can you sit down with the school, talk through your concerns and just see what they can do. It sounds like places do open up from time to time so could you start them and then aim to move them around if it's not working and when spaces open in other classes?

I agreed with the head at our new school that we would review on a yearly basis whether to keep mine together or apart which helped me as I didn't feel that it was a forever situation if it didn't work out.

Best of luck, it's not easy making these decisions about schools at the best of times and it's even harder with multiples I think. Even having twins, I can't begin to imagine the challenges with quads!

I'm a twin. Same class and same form and same gcses. Wish we'd been separated. People can't help seeing you as extensions of each other and can't help comparing.
And we do get on v well but vv different.

I think (in England anyway!) you only need 1 place for multiples as if last place in PAN is take up with multiples then the others are admitted under some rule?

We had places at there catchment school and 2 other non-catchment schools (none were right for us) is we don’t get any of the 1 place for multiples (we were also applying after the places had been given so technically speaking for it to stay legal other children wouldn’t be allowed there places)

You will find most schools have a no siblings together policy. For good reasons. Plus you can’t expect to swell a class by a third with all sen children

We have both twins and triplets in our two form entry school (and I think another set of twins). The ones I know are 3 in one class and 2 in the other (sibs) and I think that means the other set are with the triplets
So 5 out of a class of 30 are multiples. Should be possible to put them together, even two and two.