DS YR1 bad behaviour

[Ilovecrumpets]

Hi everyone

I was just wondering if anyone had any advice for me.

My DS (5 summer born) has just moved to Yr 1 at a new school. In reception we would occasionally have weeks of bad behaviour - the school described it as low level and nothing to worry about, so things like he would name call one playtime, once he drew on the corner of a child's painting. It would be one incident a day but seemed to be for 2 weeks and then we would get long periods of good behaviour. It was always at playtime or just after. He has always been a more tricky, intense child ( I can really see that compared to his younger brother).

He has moved schools for the start of year 1 and the teacher has already spoken to me twice about his behaviour - so we had name calling, pushing and then grabbing someone ( the latter was apparently on the instruction of another child according to the teacher). He is struggling to integrate. Again this is always at lunch time.

I think at least some of it is social immaturity and not knowing how to make friends and fit in - but I am really concerned - particularly as this now seems to have also involved physical stuff. I'm worried about him getting a reputation and obviously just find his behaviour unacceptable. I'm at a bit of a loss though as to what to do. We always support whatever the school says, we genuinely are consistent at home at rewarding good behaviour and sanctioning bad ( although strangely he has been much better at home ( he has a younger brother). There was quite a lot of bad behaviour at his last school from lots of children, but at his new I feel like he is really standing out.

I must admit I find it particularly difficult as I was always a 'good' girl. Also because he honestly can be such a lovely, kind boy.

Tbh, I was surprised that former school said name calling and damaging other children's art work "low level".

Moving school must be very unsettling for young child. Hopefully he get settled as he get used to new routine, friends, teacher etc. Definitely the immaturity can be a factor.
I think you just have to back up teacher and work together to guide him, and make him understand what is/isn't acceptable.

There are a couple of good books available for children about dealing with their anger in a healthy way. Maybe you could try getting a couple of those and talking them through with him, help him to build strategies for coping better when he does get angry so that he doesn't lash out?

I wonder if there is anything in particular about the lunchtime environment that sets him off. Anything that is worrying him perhaps?

Thanks miss yes it does seem to be something about lunchtime, I guess it's the longest play time. Some of it I think is that he maybe finds it a bit hard to fit in with other children - so I know the name calling was after some children had said he couldn't play with them.

The books sound a good idea - I think he does understand that what he does is wrong and is usually very embarrassed/ashamed afterwards ( can't look at anyone, pleads not to talk about it because he knows he is wrong etc.), its as if he can't stop himself and lacks self control and/ or doesn't know how to handle the situation ( particularly rejection)?

I'm finding it hard to strike the right balance because I don't want school to take over everything and is all get caught in a very negative cycle at home as well.

Can you talk to the school, tell them what you've said above and ask them if there is anything particular they've noticed about lunchtime that is setting him off, or anything they can suggest? We have a list of children that we try to keep a closer eye on and suggest games to, because if they get bored they tend to get naughty, his school may well have a similar list.

Thanks sparkly by chance I managed to catch up with his teacher and she is observing him at lunch. She thinks a lot of the problem is he really likes 'rules' and she noticed that the pushing etc. seems to occur when another child is breaching the 'rules' ( for example it was 'boys' turn for the football pitch ( although why they separate them by sex is a mystery to me!) and the girls started coming on the pitch, DS went over and was telling them to get off and then went to push; similarly when another child was pretending to kick he shouted and then went to push him away. It is true that he is very into rules and fairness ( although sadly not the rules around not pushing etc!!). I suspect he finds the chaos of playtime difficult - not that that excuses his behaviour.

I don't know whether it would help, but could you invite any of his classmates round for a playdate, or to meet up in the park after school/at the weekend? Just thinking that spending some time with one person, rather than thirty, might help him to develop a friendship and also, perhaps, to learn about playing with others.
It does sound though like the new teacher is keeping an eye on things, which can only be positive.