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How long do I let this go on?

8 replies

strongteabag · 09/04/2007 11:30

DS1 (4.8) started reception full time in January. Just had his school report- he is doing extremely well academically. Socially he is a little shy, perhaps immature....just very quiet and slightly anxious. Coming on leaps and bounds though and I have no worries- he is a quietly confident type, that's just his personality and I want to leave him to find his own way.

I do however suspect he is being bullied. We talk loads, he is very open and honest and 4 times I have spoken to his class teacher. Some examples are saying he has to hide/bruises on his chest and eye etc, telling me he feels scared and unhappy at playtime and repeatedly naming one boy who 'hurts him' and 'comes to find him' His class is full of boisterous boys, and DS1 is still learning how to handle them. I could go on and on but will try and get to the point! I have spoken to the headtecher about inadequate supervision at playtimes but I haven't yet been forceful. I am really worried about DS and sad for him, angry with the school but at the same time I can see the school as a whole entity and want to help the school as a whole. I really don't want to cause trouble, I don't know what to do. At what point do I take this further ie take it to the board of governers?

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juuule · 09/04/2007 11:54

I would say get forceful Now! Your ds school experience shouldn't be such a miserable one. He's not yet 5 and needs someone to deal with it for him at this age before he becomes even more anxious. As for him being a little immature - isn't that normal for a 4yo

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slondonmum · 09/04/2007 11:58

Hi there - how awful. Have you told the Headmaster you think he is being bullied? The school has to take action. You really need to get forceful now, as the previous poster says. Best wishes

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Squonky · 09/04/2007 11:59

I would be very concerned if my child was coming home from school with bruises. It is possible he has got them from a bit of rough play, but it needs investigating, and it needs sorting.

Good luck with the school, hope you get it all sorted soon.

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DimpledThighs · 09/04/2007 12:04

invite the named bully over to play after school - get the measure of him and might start a friendship.

When he comes make it really fun. I have done this - it worked.

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Whizzz · 09/04/2007 12:07

have you also spoken to his teacher ? I would follow the 'chain of command' and only go higher if you weren't happy with the response. Maybe also chat to other mums & see if anyone else is having problems, and maybe to try & encourage friendships with other shyer children

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strongteabag · 09/04/2007 12:45

Thanks for you responses. I do think that they are into rough play- and I am sure my DS wants to get involved. He has told me they play too rough most of the time. What worried me were bruises across his chest- it must have been really rough. He did tell me that he went to find one of the boys in class 5 to help him, which I thought was quite wise really.

I have invited a couple of friends for tea, that went well. I am apprehensive about asking the named bully because I have younger children, including a small baby, but I guess I should as I know it would help. DS really wants to be friends with this boy but he keeps pushing him away.

The class teacher has been excellent and supportive, she has spoken to the class about what is good and kind etc, but most incidents happen at lunchtime where it is the lunchtime supervisors and less structured play. The school has a new headmistress who is aware of some rough behaviour.

Personally I am happy for the moment to talk to DS about ways of coping. The main thing is pressure from DH to take this further, he has rung up the school before and now he is saying he wants a meeting with the headteacher. Probably a good idea. It's the Easter holidays now so once he is back at school and all the pre-holiday excitement has died down I will see how he gets on.

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essbeebarmy · 09/04/2007 12:58

Message withdrawn

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NiceCupOfTea · 14/04/2007 11:49

Hi,
What's the situation with lunchtime supervision at the school? We have a bunch of Midday Supervisors (mainly other Mums) on the playgrounds and fields. If it's the same with you, could you have a word with a few supervisors and ask them to keep an eye on him & bully-boy for you? Talking to teachers is fine, but at lunchtime they're never around to see what goes on (at least at our school ).
And by the way, I personally wouldn't invite a bully to tea. Tried something similar with DS1 years ago and the kid traumatised me (and it made no difference to the situation). Couldn't wait for him to go home...