Tips on how to handle a difficult school situation

[WhatDoIDoAboutThisNow]

Week four of year 5.

DS is a nice child (other teachers have commented on this). He and a group of friends were in trouble last week for misbehaving in class. Reading between the lines, and talking to other parents, it sounds more like normal 9-year-old boisterousness, coupled with an inexperienced teacher with poor classroom management skills (I used to be in education myself). The head of year has stepped in to back the teacher up.

There were also accusations of bullying, which in one instance involved two children who were good friends - so of course the parents of the "bully" contacted the other parents, only to find the incident hadn't actually happened.

The teacher's turn things round strategy involves among other things, a star chart for good behaviour. But unfortunately she seems also to have decided that this group are "the bad kids" so it feels like nothing they can do will turn things round.

She also has other slightly odd classroom practices, like getting the kids to read the results of their spelling tests out loud rather than coming round to make a note of them privately. This led to the two children with dyslexia being laughed at for "only getting 3". The thing was, they had a different test, with only three questions on it.

I've talked to other parents, and on a rough head count, she's alienated 1/4 of the parents in the class - and that's only the ones I know about.

So the question is, what do I do? How do I address this with the head of year/head teacher? It feels like her classroom management is poor and some of her teaching practises are not the most constructive ones she could choose.

I want to try to turn this round diplomatically if I can but I'm really at a loss as to how to tackle it.

So the teacher has:

• Not tolerated disruptive behaviour
• Communicated concerns about behaviour with parents
• Sought advice from senior members of staff who support the teacher's actions
• Implemented a positive behaviour reward system

If that's all correct then maybe chat to your child about expectations in school and support the teacher's decisions that sound like they follow the school's behavior policy

No, to me it doesn't sound like you are stirring up anything or that you are gossiping or talking behind the teacher's back.

Your action plan sounds good to me. Talk to the teacher with emphasis on your DS, how it is affecting him, how he wants to improve but doesn't know exactly what else is expected from him, etc. Let the teacher know that you are in the same page with her, the things you agree with her and are trying to reinforce her message at home.

Hopefully this will improve communication with the teacher and things improve for your DS

Internalising the message? Dear lord above. Is that what we are at now as parents? I'm glad mine are not in primary the poor teacher.

Tell him to sit down shut up don't dick around and do as he is told.

And ffs don't be talking inexperienced teacher and make out like it's somehow her fault.

What subject exactly did you teach at what level?

OP your strategy/action points sound smart.

She is a new teacher to the school, getting the lie of the land and adapting to the school's culture so she's bound to make a few mistakes. She might not even be a great teacher - it happens - but I think you have to give her a chance and certainly make ds' time in that class as successful for him as you can and that meeting framed like that sounds just right.

It could also be that she has high standards for behaviour and your ds isn't meeting them. It's also true that as class, confident students can be rather 'pack' in their behaviour and she's sending a clear message. Good that you've reinforced the message at home but getting clear direction between teacher - child - parent can only be a good thing.

I might be tempted to see if ds has a better week first before having the meeting to give him a chance to adjust his behaviour and for her to get a better understanding of him.

Anyway, thank you to everyone - including the very critical posters - for input. It has (a) talked me down from going in all guns blazing and (b) given me some pointers for how to address this constructively.

(I do understand that teachers are under constant fire all the time from government and the popular press, to the extent that criticism of one teacher's teaching practice can feel like a criticism of the whole profession - but really, that's not what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to find some sort of constructive middle ground with a teacher who does seem to be a bit out of her depth, is getting support from management, but isn't always getting it right every time, any more than I do as a parent.)

Oh, and I've no intention of posting my CV, any more than I have any intention of posting identifying details of the school. It's an anonymous forum, that's the whole point.

You have no idea if she is out of her depth. You are not in the classroom.

Is your role in education as an actual class teacher? I had a role in education when I worked in the office ...

Sorry - missed that you said you taught.

But really. He's year 5 and he's dicking around and not behaving. He's been pulled up on it for a week or two. He needs to wise up get his head down and do as he is told. That's it. That's as much internalising as you or he need to be doing.

Sit down. Shut up. Do as you're told and stop messing around.

What's to say other than that ? Really. Seriously. Get a grip.

Six years of standing in front of classes, with excellent feedback from students and management, and very good exam results, FWIW.

Do those of you in teaching honestly think parents can't tell which are the good teachers and which are the teachers who are not doing so well? We know when our children are coming home excited about what they've learned, able to tell us how the techniques they've learned in maths work, wanting to tell us about the story they've written. And we know when our kids are coming home miserable. It's the coming home miserable that is my top priority to get sorted out.

Do talk to her about stopping the use of the positive behaviour reward chart. These are horrendous for children with SEN. I thought good schools now recognised this and had stopped using them. It sounds in your situation as if it is de-motivating your son rather than inspiring him.

I am not going to comment further on the thread. There has been lots of other useful feedback.

You seem to be saying "all the other teachers thought he was nice so it has to be the teacher's problem".

He's year 5. What age does that make him? 9 rising 10?

"Do those of you in teaching honestly think parents can't tell which are the good teachers and which are the teachers who are not doing so well"

How can you tell so early in the year how good/bad the teacher actually is? I don't know what my ds's new yr5 teacher is like, at all, except her face.

And we know when our kids are coming home miserable.

Yes but a child coming home miserable is not necessarily because the teacher is out of her depth. My child would be miserable if he'd been told off, even if it was entirely his fault.

so you have a perfect child who has never been in trouble before, yet all his previous teachers have had to move him to the front, which puts him into the category of the worst behaved 10%, consistantly, long term?

How many children do you think always need to be moved to the front?

How many seats do you think ARE at the front?

How old are you expecting your child to be before there is a reasonable expectation for him to be able to behave without being moved to the front?

Why is it ok for him to disobey the teacher if there are a lot of children involved, and it is a young teacher?

You do realise that he is approaching the age of criminal responsibility, don't you. it is not going to cut any ice with any judge in the world to say " others were committing the crime to, and the policewoman who told them to stop was very young"

in other words your mouthful of excuses and supposedly mitigating circumstances are all totally irrelevant, and your child is clearly one of the naughty ones and always has been, even if other teachers have not spelt it out to you.

You need to back up the school and support the teacher, and stop shit stirring with other parents.

and teach you child to behave, before it impacts long term on his education, and the education of those unfortunate enough to be stuck in the same class as him.

Do those of you in teaching honestly think parents can't tell which are the good teachers and which are the teachers who are not doing so well

it is very easy to tell which teachers are good at "edutaining", but not which each well, and certainly not which discipline well, as disciplined children will be coming home feeling aggrieved and try and get their parents on side, if they have parents who collude in that.

of course, you can continue ganging up against the teacher with your little playground band, if you enjoy the feeling of power, but just look at a few other threads on here.

That teacher doesn't have to accept any crap from you, or anyone else, she could leave the school any time she chose, and walk itnot another job by breakfast time tomorrow, she could leave teaching altogether, if she chose. Literally dozens of teachers up and down the country are walking out for good every week.

The school would NOT be in a position to replace her, your child would be stuck with a stream of temporary, supply and unqualified teachers, and it would be down to you.

I am constantly amazed by the number of students and parents who feel so hard done by at not having a real teacher, when they are the very individuals that had made the previous "real" qualified teacher decide to leave.

He may have been a nice child in previous classes, doesn't necessarily mean he's behaving this year. I know a few kids who are lovely when they are alone but wind each other up and egg each other on, they've been nice in previous classes because the teacher knew this and didn't let them sit near each other, this piece of knowledge wasn't passed on and the new teacher let them pick their own seats, they were absolutely horrible. If you know your son is usually sat somewhere near the front and easily distracted, is it worth saying to the teacher 'please can you move DS to the front away from x, y and z, I don't think he understood when you suggested they choose more sensible seats'

Totally agree that you are stirring up shit with other parents because your ds is misbehaving and you would prefer to think this is down to poor management by teacher. Give yourself a reality check. Your ds has been caught misbehaving. He has continued to misbehave and has not achieved any stars although other children have. He has decided it is more fun to chat and misbehave with others in his friendship group. You are backing him up by looking for explanations for his behaviour elsewhere. The other parents of the miscreants will of course back you up as it lets their offspring off the hook. However, you are setting yourself up for more trouble down the line as chances are your ds will continue to be a PITA in Y6 and beyond, especially at secondary where you will undoubtedly blame inexperienced teachers or other naughty, disruptive kids for his behaviour.

OP - I'm a teacher and a parent and I DON'T think you are shit-stirring. School is a community and parents and children do talk about school. It isn't some secret society and when you tell a parent about an issue you are having them yes, people will empathise if they are having the same problem.
I spoke to my friends when I had an issue back in June with reading. I may be a teacher but every school is different in their approach and parental involvement expectations. My DS is my first born, my friends had children in the same class who were 2nd and 3rd borns so they already had experience of the class and the teacher. So naturally you speak to them before bothering the class teacher.
That is NOT shut-stirring. It's fact finding.

Getting to the point. Whether the teacher is or not, your DS is obviously concerned that the episode where he was in trouble has clouded the teachers judgement of him and showing anxiety about where he fits in. Perfectly normal.

I would advise that you speak to the teacher and be honest about his feelings - he was in trouble for a misdemeanour. It is out of character for him and that he is unclear/trying to pull things round but feels like it's going unnoticed. Either the class teacher will reassure you and say it isn't the case (and the teacher will make more of an effort with him) or it may be that your normally good boy is changing as children often do and his behaviour is becoming a concern in which case you have to tackle each one when you find out the answer to it.

If you back the teacher up and let your son know he needs to behave I'm sure your son will go back to being the nice, well behaved boy he is. If you start undermining the teacher to him and telling him it's her not him and going over her head to complain to her superiors i think it will be a lot harder as he will lose all respect for her and see it as a licence for him to do what he likes in class.