Reception wobbles

[mowglik]

Am I expecting too much from school with regard to my ds not settling/being unhappy at school?

My ds has started reception this year, full time since Monday. He was fine for the last 3 weeks of part time, having formed an attachment straight away to a boy in his class, however this boy has now moved on to his best friend from nursery and doesn't want to play with ds anymore.

The teacher told me he cried at lunchtime on Monday and again this morning he cried saying he didn't want to go to school - because this boy doesn't want to play with him.

When I asked the TA about it today I was told that he was fine (when in fact he cried at lunchtime again today) and that they couldn't spend time everyday telling the parents how the the kids fared.

I know it's early on and that things could change but am I being difficult by expecting to be able to talk to teacher/ta through this phase? Also the teacher herself hasn't suggested much other than to say they will keep an eye on it and encouraged play dates.

It's heartbreaking seeing ds so anxious and DH and I have spent a lot of time today explaining to ds that he can play with others and that it's ok to play on your own etc.

Any ideas on how to deal with this further without harassing the staff about it, and any tips on how to deal with ds being upset? Sorry this is long!

I think a lot of children must be experiencing different sort of issues regarding starting school at the moment. A lot of children cry. I think you should trust teacher and maybe relax a bit.
But tbh, at my ds's school, there was always someone chatting to teacher after school in recepton, so I don't think it's unreasonable to have a quick chat asking how he was.

I know it's hard, but they need to start learning that parents are not always there to help, and other children have feelings and don't always want to play , and you should encourage him to play with lots of different children.
And I agree, if you can, try arranging some play dates.

A lot of kids experience tough starts. It helps when they make a group of friends. It must be difficult that his new friend suddenly does not want to play with him. I would encourage other friendships. Set up play dates with other kids in the class. Help him make other friends. But don't let him form attachment to just one kid in case this happens again.

Thanks for the advice - I was afraid of exactly this happening as he has a habit of putting all his eggs in one basket so to speak. I used to say to ds speak to other children as well and he would always say, I will mum - tomorrow .

So I went in a bit earlier with ds today to let him play with kids in the playground and after clinging to my dress he started playing with a few other kids and seemed happier and confident. I may do this going forward. Another mum also approached me for a play date so fingers crossed that will help!

Still a bit annoyed that I was told not to expect to discuss how ds did that day but I will lay off and trust that the teachers are managing these issues in the classroom! Looking around at the reception kids they all looked a bit glum with parents coaxing them to speak to others..

I think reception teachers and TAs are most exhausted at the moment, they have to take care of 30 new schoolers. (Hats off to them!)
Yes, she could have been bit more approachable, but maybe she had to speak to 30 other parents too!
It's really early days.
Going in early sounds like a great idea. And great news he is already invited to play date.
Most of us parents who have older children went through this.
Good luck!

I think the ta was trying to do preventative crowd control, although this was the first time I'd gone to them for a proper chat! Fair play, they are getting to grips with the children as well, but I hope they are more approachable if a parent I had ongoing concerns, this term is hard for both the parents and kids.

I think the kids in reception have just realised that this is how it is from now on so they are all . My ds said to me 'why am I going to school for 100 days' last week so he is feeling the full force of the routine this week!

Def most of the parents at the reception playground this morning were busy trying to encourage their kids so I think most kids are having a wobble - fingers crossed things get easier for them poor souls, they are so little to be anxious and away from their parents.

It's only natural to worry. But don't worry(easier said than done, I know!), he will be fine. It only feels like yesterday that my ds started school, and I was full of worry.
Now he is 9 and in yr5!
Just cherish the moment and they grow up so quick!

I find this thread quite interesting. I do not know what is happening to children starting school now. Why are they all crying?

My DD joined a class of 66 children in a hen and chickens classroom at the age of 4 years 4 1/2 months some years ago now. One child cried and had separation difficulties. The entry to the class was Sept and January but very many started in the January because they were the summer borns like DD and the spring children too. I never saw any parents wanting to speak to the YR teachers every day. There was a professional air about the school and the teachers (2 plus a TA) and we were all confident they knew what they were doing. If children have a little cry, its not the end of the world and they do settle down. If they do not, the teachers will tell you about it. Have confidence in them.

Most children have been to nursery and have spent time away from parents. I do not think it is reasonable to expect to speak to a teacher every day. What if all the parents wanted to do it? It makes an already very busy day even longer. Be very positive about new friendships and do invite children home to tea. Be upbeat and expect the situation to improve. I am sure it will.

Bubbles, obviously you had no worries for your dc to start school.
Every child is different.
AS for me, my ds was selective mute, has multiple food allergies, and mixed race child in 95% white school.
Sorry, but I felt slightly offended with your comment about this thread being interesting. What's wrong with parents worrying about their child?

Thanks irvine, hoping for a more upbeat feel from ds today!

bubbles I can't imagine any or many parents would want a chat everyday but this is the first couple of days since ds started that he's been in tears and anxious about going in and I've not had to speak to teacher before this. I would have thought that teachers would expect this and to be able to reassure parents by a quick chat about how the child was.

I know other schools have measures in place like the buddy system and lunchtime friendship groups etc so it seems to be a common issue.

I don't know that this is a new thing though, I remember my sister starting school she cried every day for weeks and back then parents were allowed to sit in class with a cup of tea and biscuits so my mum did just that! I had a few days like that as well when starting school.

Maybe your dd is made of sterner stuff but id imagine most kids would react to a new setting like that. My ds has been in daycare nursery since 1 though so he's no stranger to being away from parents it's more starting in a new place and not knowing anyone. As I said, it looked to me like most of the kids that arrived early with us were anxious today.

I wish they could understand the saying 'this too shall pass' because that's exactly what it is, but they are too young to understand that.

My heart goes out to you, I had exactly the same situation with my Reception DS last week. It is heartbreaking to see them so upset. I did exactly the same as you and chatted about the other children and encouraged him to ask them to play.

However his teacher was very aware that my DS was upset and why, and she approached me to discuss it and put in place strategies to help. This does seem to have helped and he's more settled now, I think the TA's response was pretty unhelpful TBH. Hope it gets easier for both of you

There are presumably 28 other children in the class to play witb is what I used to say to kine when they said 'x won't play with me'. Friendships will shift, some days they'll say nobody plays with them, some days they don't like xyz, some days someone was mean to them. They're tired, they're realising they have to go every day. Prince William said yesterday George was fed up of going. It's normal.
You need to step down from. The highly anxious position you are currently in. School will tell you if there is an issue. The TA is right they don't have time to give daily updates. Do they feed the drama if who is playing with who. Step back. Chill out. Your son will then likely relax into it a bit more.

Well i think that is the difference 1/12 of the kids are now only 4+ a month. As opposed to 4 and 9months they would be in april.
They are all used to a 1:8 ratio or 1:15.
A lot of kids will already know others and in fact that can make it worse for the new ones as some are already paired up.
Dd1 seems to prefer to play regularly with up to 3 kids. So when those wouldnt play she wasnt very happy.
You can repeat that it is best to play with lots of different ones but if dont like to do that.

Compared to nursery in which you could get at least 5 minutes with the staff at the end of the day, school is a lot more rushed.

Knowing how your child got on, particularly if they are not settling in as much as hoped, is perfectly normal and hence any feedback from teachers is crucial.

But on the other hand, give it a few more days to see how he gets on, perhaps he will settle down more and have a few more friends.