Another Reception starting worries thread..

[DavetheCat2001]

Sorry, I know there is one here already but my worries stem from the fact that my daughter who is starting R in just over 3 weeks only turned 4 on Saturday just gone.

I've been getting bits and pieces of her uniform bought..shoes last week, polo shirts and a jumper today and a few things from the supermarket..socks, tights etc. It just seems she is so little and I know I am going to have a lot of tears and upset on my hands as she is very clingy to me in particular

Both my kids are staying with OH's mum and dad this week, and despite having done this many times before, she had her usual 'don't go mummy' moment. She was fine, but I know from experience that when taken anywhere she isn't 100% familiar with, she melts down and I just know the first few days/weeks at school are going to be like this.

Any tips? I have the home visit on the 11th Sept, and on the 15th she goes in for a full day but with only 10 or so other kids from the class as a sort of gentler phase-in, although it is still a full day (9-3.15).

I did speak briefly to the EYC, but she seemed a bit dismissive and said I just need to leave her there and hanging about isn't a good idea..the sooner I go, the quicker she'll settle.

I just can't bear the thought of the tears I'm going to have. I intend to raise this with her class teacher at the home visit.

I don't think holding her back and missing R year would be a good idea however as I think that first year is probably really important for building confidence/getting to know the other children/teachers etc..

She just looks so little still....

My Dd turned 17 on Sunday and I well remember this dilemma, I now work in a reception class.
Dd would be emotional on occasion and the ta would whisk her away with my blessing, it was obvious that she only cried for my benefit, I could peep into the classroom and see her settled immediately. I often ask parents to do the same now to reassure them.
I also took my daughter home before lunch on a Thursday when it because obvious she was getting very tired, this day was when she had PE in the afternoon, as she was already swimming regularly I felt this was the best session to miss so she didn't fail behind with the academics.
I can't remember when we dealt with the dummy, I don't think it would hurt to leave it just a few more weeks so that you're not removing a source of comfort shortly before a such a big change in her life.
She had gone on to excel at school because it was an enjoyable experience.
As an aside, I find it amusing that people are shocked your DC still has a dummy at night but many other threads on here seen to applaud parents who have yet to toilet train their children before starting school.

I agree - don't get rid of the dummy now if she's only using it at night. Starting school is a big enough change, don't do everything at once. Santa can take it with him at Xmas!

Should also mention, once I knew she was crying for my benefit I shamelessly bribed her with sweets. The deal was; if she went into school smiling she could have a couple of chocolate buttons at home time, worked like a charm within a couple of weeks no more tears or treats!

From experience (I work in a primary school) the little ones who start in September do seem very small and like babies playing dress-up, however they grow up very quickly over the first few weeks and are so adaptable, they thrive on the new routines and the self-confidence they develop is really lovely to see. And when we tell you that they stopped crying seconds after you left the room - we aren't lying! They really do get stuck in to the teaching input / song / activity / playtime and get on with it. Then you get the meltdowns when you pick them up again. We get the best of them at school and you get the worst of them at home. This is very frustrating - also speaking as a parent to 3 all at primary school!

Yes, to be honest I'd rather she had her dummy at night than be a thumb sucker. At least I can remove the dummy (eventually!)

I'm not going to take it away at the moment as I agree with pp's that it's just all going to be too much change at once, but I will be aiming to phase it out soon.

Thank you notin

That's comforting to know

I'm curious, when everyone says that they are exhausted by the end of the day... Does this happen to children who were already 9am-6pm at nursery, or only to those who were at home or with shorter childcare? Trying to prepare myself.

Also, if you don't mind, what kind of activities might they do the first days at school? I want to follow the advice given above about letting them know what will happen, but I have no idea... Will they mostly play? Sing songs? Do numbers? What's the normal routine during the first two weeks?

Everyone promised me mine would be exhausted by full time school ...they lied!

I had a late August child too - so I get what you mean about being small.

I also work in a school.

The advice to calmly move away as soon as possible is really good. I have had to take hundreds of late children to class over the years - they nearly all are fine within seconds.

My advice is you don't want to start 'goodbye' until you have eye contact with a TA or teacher and they are ready to take over. Don't try when they are talking to another parent or child as if you give a hug and a kiss and say bye and they start to be unsettled you need someone to take their hand so you can quickly go. If you do that when the staff are dealing with something else you get a bit stuck.

@jedimum1 my children were used to nursery 8-6 but yes they were still tired on starting school. Everything is new and that's pretty exhausting. People say to expect your toddler back re tiredness and behaviour and that can be true for some. My dd used to fall asleep on way home from childminders and it was only 5 mins drive!

DS was tired ... in the sense we got a few weeks of 8pm bedtimes instead of the usual 9pm bedtimes. No lack of energy apart from that. He'd been doing nursery 3 days 9-5.
DD was if anything less tired, and she was only mornings at preschool too.

I don't really like the phrasing "doing it for the parent's benefit" - makes it sound like the child's trying to please you or manipulate you in some way. I think the thing is it's the act of separating from the parent that's upsetting, so once you're gone the upsetting thing has stopped happening and they can stop crying and get on with their day. Hence prolonging goodbyes = just making the upsetting thing last longer than necessary!

Thank you :) I'll see how it goes and maybe plan to do bedtime slightly earlier.

I don't think the children are trying to be deliberately manipulative Catkind but working in a reception class I have noticed that genuine upset, I.e.falling and grazing a knee doesn't stop the instant a door closes behind them and for many the morning tears do.

Often the first day or two are more tears of nervousness or anxiety but after that they can just be habit or reacting to a perceived expectation. I.e. "I cry mummy hugs and kisses me, tells me how brave I am, gives me more hugs, that's how we say goodbye."
Obviously we keep our eyes open for upset that continues into the class, for friendship issues etc and keep parents informed, I always phone when the tears stop and I would also call if they didn't as the child could be ill, overly tired after a wakeful night or any number of issues.

Agree mrz - my DS was never 'exhausted' by a day at school or 'ready for a break' by the time the holidays came round. Would have loved school to tire him out .

And not all children are nervous about going to school - my DS couldn't wait.

i do think there is an element of some mums clinging on to their children sometimes rather than the other way round .

LOL..mrz I was promised the same ..now ten still not seen this tired boy unless he is tired.

OP I just remembered a little game we had when DD started preschool and thought she was going to miss me. We had magic stretchy glue that joined us together so even if she was at school and I was at work, we were still stuck together. Stuck on by hugs It seemed to really help her. When I started school I had a lion who lived in my pocket. Perhaps you and your DD could have your own secret game.

catkind what a lovely idea!

I'll maybe steal that for my DD!

My kids are at the GP's this week. I've been looking forward to the peace and quiet, and it is great.. but it is SO quiet! Missing them and their chaos!