Those using private schools - to what extent did you consider state schools too?

[Ladymuck]

There seems to be an undercurrent on MN that parents opting for private schools view themselves or their kids as better than others, which I find strange. My own view and experience is that having the ability to pay gave us more choice than just the state schools, but it was still a matter of finding the best school for the temperment of our chidren. Also we wanted one where we could support the ethos too - we didn't want school life to be totally out of step with expectation at home (so a catholic school for example wasn't an option).

In total we looked at 8 schools (we're in London so there is some choice, but actually we don't have a primary school very near us - the nearest one which doesn't have church requirements is a mile away). Of the ones we looked at (5 state, 3 private), there were 2 which we wouldn't have wanted our children to go (1 state, 1 private), and we would have been happy with the other 6. In the end we opted for the school that seemed to be able to manage rather active boys best - it happened to be private. This saved us from the lottery that can be the state schools application process, though I know that we would have got a place in at least one of the schools. FWIW I did find that each school did have a different style and atmosphere - they are all very unique, and I'm not sure I could pick any out as the "standard state" or "standard private" school.

I appreciate that we're fortunate to be able to fund schooling without huge sacrifices, but I'm wondering what other MN private schools experiences are? Did you deliberately opt out of state, or did you consider schools across both sectors?

We considered both state and independent right through to the point at which we had to make a choice i.e. registered well in advance with independant schools (although this obviously has a cost attached).

Our reasoning was:

• schools change, and a lot might change between application dates and having to make a decision (e.g. this might be several years in the case of independent schools)

• children change. At 3.5 (i.e. point of deciding on an infant school) we believed our DS1 was a loud boisterous boy who would do best at a particular type of independent at 7 (i.e. strong on discipline and sports)

He is now 7 and we have just opted for an independent school which is firm, but not too authoritarian, and strong in arts/drama/music (he hates sports!).

• family situations change. We applied to State schools at every eligible stage, as we didn't know if either of us might a)die or at least b) lose our jobs/ health/income...

I think this could largely be called a 'hedging your bets' strategy

Forgot to say, DS1 was 'hassled/ semi-bullied' by the very sporty group of boys in his Yr1 class simply because he wasn't good at football/ was a bit geeky. It wasn't handled very well by the school. We like to think things would be better in a smaller independent school with better discipline.

We have sent one DS to state secondary and another to independent secondary. DS1 went to independent secondary because he was very strongly academic and the local state school wasn't setting early enough and did not offer three separate sciences for GCSE (at that time). The school he attended is one of the leading academic day schools but wasn't a pushy school, nor was it filled with rich kids (most pupils were from professional/academic families). DS2 wasn't so academic and we were unwilling to send him to less academic independent schools as we felt they could be snob factories full of rich kids doing drugs from an early age. He attends the local school which has a complete cross-section of our local rural with science parks community.
I think you have to go with your gut feelings - if you like a school and think your DC will flourish there you should send him/her there whether it is a state or an independent school.

That's interesting Lilymaid - how do your sons find goign to 2 different schools - is there ever an issue with one of them viewing that his school is better?

Ladymuck - They are four years apart and were only ever at the same school for a year, so they were used to being at different schools. DS2 has only been concerned about his brother benefitting from all the money spent on his education fairly recently (a friend of his told him it was unfair). He was happy to continue on from primary school to local comprehensive with all but one of his class. We are now having to consider an independent sixth form for him as the state sixth form college he is likely to be offered a place at has disappointing results (e.g. 38% of AS candidates in Maths got U grade last year).

We applied to 2 state, one private. Were accepted at the private plus 1 state. Decided on private (this is for ds2) for various reasons.

DS1 attends a state school.

ds3 we'll probably not bother applying to state school and just put him in the private one that ds2 attends as we're very happy with it.

we looked at 3 private preps and 3 local village state schools, we opted for private prep for a myriad of reasons, main being hte whole ethos of expectations , the state schools just didn't match up to what i expect in terms of manners, behaviour, respect etc, i think that dd1 would be just fine at state school academically but that the private school offers so much more in terms of producing ( couldn't htink of right word here) a well rounded individual. ( also she gest to wear such a cute uniform - no horrid polo shirts and sweatshirts - i know how superficial am I ? )

For us it was about choosing the right school for DD, and the fact that we were in a position to pay just gave us more choice. Again we are fortunate to be in a position where private school funding was not going to mean lots of sacrifices for us. This was obviously made easier by the fact that we only had one child.

We visited 3 private schools ad 2 state schools, but also got information about several other schools. I read just about ever OFSTED report, ISC report the league tables I ould get and spoke to some parents with children at the schoosl too. We visited the three private schools when Dd was a year old and had her name on the waiting lists for two of them since then. We then revisited those schools and the state schools when she was 3. One of the state schools was vetoed at this time as, although having great results, etc. I just didn't like it. One of the preps were also crossed out as we felt it was just too small, and a little too far away from home. One other state school we were a little concerned as it was so big, and the other that as we weren't in catchment we wouldn't have a chance.

DD then went for an assessment at the private school we liked best - this was our first choice school, but we also applied for state school too - just in case. As it happens DD was accepted at our first choice prep school before the state school choices wer given out. We rejected our place the same day so someone else could ahve the place.

When it came down to it is was purely the school we liked best and the one we felt that DD would fit in best at. It was the gut feeling thing. She's been there two terms now and we are very happy with our choice.

We didn't look at state schools at all. We only looked at one private school which happens to be on our doorstep. DD loves it.

I did have some experience of local state schools in that DD & I had gone along to toddler groups based in their community rooms.

we moved cities last year. we weren't offered any state schools where both ds and dd1 could both go and the state schools we were offered were all too far from home (I don't drive) and many were ones I would not be happy with.

I would have much preferred a state school at this stage, at least for my dd (the local ones are all good), but would have considered private school for ds because he is dyspraxic and has other problems.and also because MIL is paying.

we are now applying for schools for dd2 and if we get offered a state school (they are very oversubscribed) will seriously consider it - the main reason for turning it down will be that I don't drive and it will logistically be very difficult to pick up and drop off at both.

When I lived in North London, most of the parents there didn't even consider the state schools (and these were the primary ones that were good)

If money was no object, I like to think I would still at least consider state schools.

DS isn't there yet, but we've already put his name down for a local pre-prep. We've moved three times in 2yrs and each time I've considered all the options.

THis last move has put us in the catchment of a very nice state school with a lovely ethos and I have to admit I'm very torn. However, when it comes down to it they still have 30 in each infant class and their site is the size of a postage stamp. The prep has a similar ethos (we chose not to opt for the very academic, very rule driven one just up the road) but limits class size to 15 and it set in 50acres.

We'll look at all the options again at 11 (unfortunately our chosen one doesn't go up to 13) and go from there.

I am always aware of how fortunate we are to be able to choose.

I'm not sure I could have faced looking at schools 3 times in 2 years - I admire your dedication!

It helps that I'm nosey, ladymuck!

We have looked at both state and private schools. We couldn't get our DD into our chosen state school although we preferred the private schools anyway. We do have place for our DD at the local state school however also have place at our chosen private school. We certainly do not think ourselves or our children better than others we simply want what we believe to be the best for our children and are prepared to make sacrifices to get what we want. It seems that the only way of having a choice these days is having the ability to pay.

I didn;t really consider state schools very much I suppose.

Dd had her name down for a local state school nursery. However they have 1 intake per year in September and dd turned 3 in the October so just missing out.

They then sent us a letter to say they were closing down before she was due to start so I put her name down for local playgroup which feeds into local primary school. Was told they had a 2 year waiting list.

So went to open day of newly established nursery/pre-prep attached to well extablished prep which feeds into excellent senior garmmar school.

Fell in love with the place and when it came to reception transfer couldn't bear to take her out, the school is perfect for us and fits our ethos exactly, no SATS, emphasis on music/arts/sport, everything is what we want. It seemed pointless looking elsewhere when we had what we wanted plus dd would be transferring with all her nursery friends.

We did go through a very scary period just prior to her starting when things nearly went belly up money wise.