DDs new teacher is Queen Bee at gate

[Boofy1]

I've got that sinking feeling - any words of wisdom to keep me afloat? I've kept out of ALL school gate cliques/nonsense thus far. Hooray!Only one alpha Mum is proper horrid (even DH noticed, unprompted, and was taken aback!) and I avoid like the plague - makes catty comments at me & DD, teacher-hogs every morning, crazy competitive, face liked smacked arse, manners of a piggy, barks orders at her own kids and others;, basically your bog-standard miserable, toxic mare. Said Mum's just got a teaching job at school and is likely to be DDs form teacher come September. Wail! Anyone been there and survived?! Feel sick...

Sorry, no advice that sounds awful.

Eeek, no suggestions from me but she won't get away with that kind of behaviour once she's a teacher in the school, very unprofessional. Don't know what the answer is, other than crossing your fingers that your DD doesn't get lumbered with her as a teacher.

Form tutor makes it sound like secondary, but the parents at the gates sounds primary.
If it's secondary then the form tutor isn't massively involved in every part of school life. If primary, I have no advice but I'd like to think she has enough professional respect to not discuss what she knows through school with her gaggle of mums at the gates.

Surely you already know if she's your DD's teacher-hasn't there been a class swap/transition?

Keep it professional and grit your teeth for the year. She will have to rein in the attitude working there and will not be able to be as cliquey with her friends as she'll just be too busy. There will be no more hanging around at the gate for example as she'll be dismissing her class and dealing with them after school.

Speak to head privately now about some of your concerns. Ask for your child to be placed in another set.

rollonthesummer we find out class teachers on the first day of term. They do a day visit to the class above, but say the classes are a,b,c they go to that class in tbe year above, but it is made clear that classes are not fixed.

Boofy I think I'd sit tight. Not any occourances when school starts, and report actual events of a member of staff if they occour, not fears based on personal rather than proffesional interaction. Fi ges crossed it all comes to nothing.

Why not just give her a chance!

she won't have time to run a private fiefdom if she is running a class, and will soon find out the perils of being door stepped every evening when all you want to do is grab a cup of tea, eat some sugar, and get on with your staff meeting, planning meeting, team meeting, marking, preparation etcetcetc before you go home to sort out your own kids, your own home and your own life.

Marglemore
Speak to head privately now about some of your concerns. Ask for your child to be placed in another set.

He might change the sets just to give the teacher some protection and for a quite life.

What age, do you need to be involved at all?

I wouldn't speak to the head at all. She hadn't even started her job yet.

She might be an insufferable gossip as a parent but that doesn't mean she is going to be unprofessional.

Wow, I can see that you feel uncomfortable about it, but I am more shocked at your comments about this teacher, especially "face like smacked arse."
You sound more horrid to me, tbh.

Thanks, all. It's primary - DD starts Year 3 in September.

(Roll - no allocated teachers yet - apparently they tell us late August).

Irvine - good point - I must sound even worse! But she has been proper horrid for a full year to me, DD and DH (plus most other people, apart from a select few who also teach there or are married to teachers). I don't mean to imply she's ugly, just that she's always glaring, moaning, bitching and looking cross.

Cake - wise words. I'm hoping that when she's in professional mode her behaviour is different. Sugar - thanks also. I can't see other parents taking too much nonsense from her for too long, so fingers crossed.

Thanks again for help. I know I sound whiny. I'm just feeling down that the one negative character that's caused us stress this year could loom very large in DDs life, and potentially cause her misery. We're relatively new to school and she's the one parent who has made an ongoing, concerted effort to be unfriendly, unwelcoming, and unkind.
Will sod off and get a grip now...

PS. Viques = 'private fiefdom"' Wonderful turn of phrase. Love it. That is exactly it. Thanks for making me smile and being so helpful.

Sorry Op, for mean comment! You actually sound lovely.
Hope everything goes well.

I will likely have a similar situation, extremely competitive "friend" will be teaching in dd's school, no advice but following... No offence to teachers but the ones I've encountered in my "mummy circle" have been very competitive & convinced that their dc are head & shoulders above the rest....

I don't understand how a fellow parent at the school gate can have such a devastating impact. Surely the teachers didn't feed it, it simply isn't in their interest. She might also be a brilliant teacher.

I wonder if you overrate the importance of her facial expression and her competitive nature is surely going to be an asset if your DD is in her (now world-beating) class? She will naturally stop teacher hogging, sounds all good.

What are 'manners of a piggy?'

I wouldn't be happy with someone like that teaching my child

Wow, I'm a teacher and none of my colleagues would entertain someone like that. In my experience, working parents tend to have less time for all the school gate nonsense and tend to pick up and drop off with no fuss. Plus she won't be at the gate alongside you if she's teaching. This may be a positive change ☺️

I think teachers would be horrified to know they've been judged like this before they even start.
Honestly, your comments reflect more on yourself than on the woman you describe. You sound very keen to be critical before the year has even started and to be hoping for support from other parents, suggesting that they 'won't stand for it'. It's not a battle to be fought or a hierarchy to be established where teachers and parents vie for supremacy and power. Isn't it about a partnership and starting with the view that you want to work together, rather than being on the look out for things to be unhappy about.
OP, you many find this teacher isn't your child's anyway. If they are, how about taking a step back and allowing a fresh start and trying to have a genuinely open mind? And sorry if this sounds patronising, but do you think you could set yourself a challenge to not say anything negative about the teacher (whoever it is) for at least 2 weeks? It's just too easy to be in a negative frame of mind and to have criticising and moaning as second nature. Yes, there are times to complain and to moan, but knowing when these are and when it's better to just be supportive is really important. And finally, I would say it's SO important that your child doesn't hear you bad mouth this adult. They will be a teacher in the school, possibly their teacher, possibly not. However, the way children respond to teachers and their experience of school is significantly affected by the parents attitude towards school and teachers. It's really worth bearing in mind if you feel like a moan - make sure no little ears are ear wigging first.

Hope your child has a great start to Year 3.

Slightly off topic but I don't get all the stress I see on here about school gate nonsense and cliques etc - surely you just collect your child, say hello to a couple of people maybe, and then go? When/how do people have time/opportunity for being nasty to each other? Genuinely confused. I'm a primary teacher and as far as I can tell people get their kids and go home My DS is going into Reception this year and some threads on Mumsnet make me a bit scared of what will happen to me! How is 'the school run' such a big deal?

I would say that this is a good thing - she won't be able to behave like a cowbag anymore and will actually be on the other end of it!!

I agree with @Marglemore and @BoneyBackJefferson

Nip it in the bud before it becomes a problem. I'd recommend you stress that it isn't a complaint and you wish the parent/teacher the best in her career. I'd also hope that a good head teacher would be reasonable and treat it as a 'conflict of interests' (as you have somewhat of an existing relationship) rather than a slight on their new staff members ability.