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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Fighting in school- what do you tell your child?

15 replies

spudmasher · 27/03/2007 20:16

This is a bit of research really to help me understand the feelings of parents..
My two girlies are too young and girlie to be having scraps at school, but I have had a terrible day today at work because of fighting between pupils at school.

It was nigh on impossible to stop the fight which was between two big year six boys. Very nasty- got caught in the crossfire a bit myself whilst attempting to restrain.

Anyway, in the aftermath, when the parents had been called in and after the blood had been mopped up, both sets of parents said that they had advised their boys to fight back if anyone had a go at them.

Which they had done.

Spectacularly.

Well, this advice is against our school policy and the parents were told that they would struggle to find a school where this was acceptable.

I am in no doubt whatsoever that the parents will continue to advice their boys to fight back.

With the current climate of stabbings amongst teenagers left right and centre I really am at a loss as to what to do.

Of course parents want their children to survive in these tough times, but we really don't stand a chance if tis is the message coming from home.

I feel helpless.

What do you tell your kids about conflict at school? What advice do you give them?

OP posts:

southeastastra · 27/03/2007 20:20

most parents i know say if you're hit first fight back. which i don't agree with.

i have quite an agressive 5 year old and tell him to tell the teacher the minute he feels one of his agressions coming on.

NKffffffffee0f7f95X1118efd8f2d · 27/03/2007 20:29

I haven't had to deal with this but I would tell my children to get away from the fight and tell the teacher on playground duty.

Really hard for teachers to deal with this sort of thing if parents are saying something else. At least the parents have been told and hopefully they'll take it on board. If you haven't already, you could try explaining what you do expect children to do if they feel angry and want to ht someone.

Good luck.

Original poster

spudmasher · 27/03/2007 20:32

I have a really nasty feeling about this.

We have been all through it with the parents on more than one occasion (the whole school, not just the parents of the ones involved today).

I have a nasty feeling that loads of parents are telling their children to fight back...

In which case, what the hell can we do about it?

OP posts:

NKffffffffee0f7f95X1118efd8f2d · 27/03/2007 20:35

I suppose you go to the next stage of discipling, whatever that would be in your school. Horrible for the teachers and really exhausting but better for the children. And therefore for the school. And the teachers. The sensible parents will thank you for it.

I hope it gets better.

NKffffffffee0f7f95X1118efd8f2d · 27/03/2007 20:38

That was meant to read "disciplining" of course.

Blandmum · 27/03/2007 20:40

We had a girl who started a fight with another (teenagers). It took 3 adults to drag the girl off. Mother said she had a 'right to defend herself'

Yes, that is good! Very helpful.

Also had parents complain when boys were excluded for carrying knives. Apparantly we should have realised they wer only for show.

I tell mine to shout for help.

Original poster

spudmasher · 27/03/2007 20:41

Yes. We try not to exclude.
We are held up in our borough as being an exemplary inclusive school!
The main reason being, if some of the children are at home, it has a negative effect on them. They are better off at school where we can keep an eye on them and they are not being fed propaganda by their parents.We also try not to withdraw activities that are of benefit to them such as swimming and football. They need that.
Some see it as a badge of honour being excluded.
Sounds like we don't deal with it but we do in the best way we can.

OP posts:

NKffffffffee0f7f95X1118efd8f2d · 27/03/2007 20:41

Martianbisop. I'm about to do a PGCE. Secondary. Am I mad?

Original poster

spudmasher · 27/03/2007 20:43

Martianbishop - what messages from home are your pupils getting?

OP posts:

Blandmum · 27/03/2007 20:45

no!

95% of the kids I teach are totaly fab
4% are silly and easily led
1% should be in a school for EBD

As I drow into school yesterday (I'm on part time because of dh being ill) my sixth formers were going off site to another leson, and all waved and said hello.

When dh was first taken ill they sent e-mails, and cards supporting me. They sent gifts to my kids at xmas, some offered to baby sit etc.

The vast majority of kids are a pleasure to work with.

Best job I have ever had.....I also went into it after having kids.

NKffffffffee0f7f95X1118efd8f2d · 27/03/2007 20:46

Oh good. Thank you for that.

I think I've spent too much time on the TES website where it sounds as if secondary teaching is one long round of sexual harrassment, ducking as chairs are thrown at your head, calling the union and seeing the doctor for anti-depressants.

I'm starting to panic really.

Anchovy · 27/03/2007 20:58

Its interesting, isn't it?

DS is 5 and we had our first playground incident today. Child in his class wanted something of DS's, who wouldn't hand it oer so got pushed face first onto the gravel - result one very nasty gravel rash over cheek and round eye.

My whole temptation was to say "Next time X does this - X is well known for being "direct" to put it mildly - just shove him back". DS is both bigger than him and reasonably agile. I had to really bite it back.

DS went and reported it to a teacher straight away. And I have bigged that up with him and told him that is the right way to deal with it and how he must deal with things in the future exactly like that etc. But I know what I would really like to tell him.

I think you have to start with zero tolerance and at a young age. And I think the school has to be seen to be in control of it, so that parents don't take the law into their own hands.

Chattea · 27/03/2007 20:59

I'm sure there have always been a few parents who say 'fight back'. I imagine that in recent years that number has grown because they feel so helpless in the face of growing violence among teenagers. This is a problem that has to be tackled at an all-school level, with open meetings for parents and teachers to attend, to thrash out how to keep everyone safe. The majority of parents will not want their children to fight, the minority, however, will be the loudest, most aggressive and most influential. The head, the school, the teachers and the non-violent parents need to make this issue an absolute priority and send out very clear rules about what is and isn't acceptable. Otherwise it will only get worse.
People take the law into their own hands when they feel unsafe or that their children are unsafe.

Good luck

Chattea · 29/03/2007 00:28

I don't want to have the last word on this - come on those in the know, please!

ratclare · 29/03/2007 09:40

its a tough one this isnt it . I have always told my son that he should walk away from situations. But a little while ago his friend provoked him and he ended up punching this child in the face and causing a minor injury ie cut and bruising . As i wasnt there at the time i have no idea how he was provoked ,other than the other child hit him over the head with a bottle . As a result the school ,quite rightly in my opinion , excluded my son for 2 days , as they couldnt allow violence. The other child was also punished and the boys are friends again. My FIL was disgusted that the school had taken any action as he said my son had a right to defend himself ! I dont think my son had any right to injure another child and to be fair toi him he did say 'i know i should of just walked away ,but he wouldnt stop tormenting me ' .The bottle by the way was plastic i believe .

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