Having trouble communicating with head teacher at primary

[rollaelephant]

Hi, I have had problems communicating with our children's head teacher numerous attempts and different tactics over the last 5 years have finally come to a head. I will no longer talk with her due to her rude manner and have now raised the issue with the board of governors. All the other teachers and deputy are great and easy to communicate with. I've requested that we no longer deal with each other and if I can communicate with another member of staff or via e mail. My question is being raised because my husband is worried that my difficulties with the Head might get the kids kicked out of the school? Both kids have never been in trouble and we love the school and all the other teachers it is literally just the Head I clash with (and I am not the only parent who struggles with her). How difficult can the Head make it for me? Do I have the right to request to talk to other members of staff? Currently waiting to hear from the governors although I am worried they are in her pocket.... TIA

Do you need to deal with the Head on a frequent basis? Ordinarily parents would speak with the class teacher and then maybe progress on to the head of key stage/similar management role and rarely interact with the Head at all.
No idea about a private school but in a state school we have enough trouble removing the children that have physically abused staff and pupils on numerous occasions let alone because the Head and a parent are a bit miffed with each other.

Hi they are at a state school and she likes to be informed and keeps us away from the teachers unless by appointment. She has verbally banned me from talking to class teachers which is why I have asked the governors to get involved. I had to talk to her about bullying and sons special needs requirement's. I did try to talk to the deputy who I find much easier to communicate with but she blocked me from doing so and I did I lost my temper and told her she was useless... then I sent a much more professional e mail and an apology to the other teachers for my loss of temper and she sent me a letter that was to be frank disgusting

Surely there must be more to this? I guess your only option will be to see what the Governors say.

oh its too long too explain we just clash I just wanted to know that the kids wont be affected because the head and I cannot communicate and its 5 years of trying. We love all the other staff they are amazing. Hopefully the governors will be able to help and I can communicate with school via a different professional there. Thanks for input

I am sure you can communicate with other members of staff (unless for some reason they have requested to be shielded from you and the head is protecting them). I have never needed to speak to the head (because like your children mine have never been in trouble) so I speak to the teachers if there are any worries the kids are having. I might smile and nod hello to the head but otherwise never need to talk to her.
Why would the head verbally ban you from speaking to the teachers? Have you said something to upset them?
When you lost your temper with the head and told her she was useless were you verbally abusive? In which case the head's position seems reasonable.
It would be interesting to hear the other side of the story. From what you have said the head has no reason to ban you from speaking to class teachers so the governors should be able to help. If the head has good reason (the other side of the story) then they will not.

It does sound like the Head is shielding the other staff from you. How often, on average, per week do you hope to talk to a member of staff? It's not usual for parents- even those of children with special needs- to have an actual conversation with a Teacher more than once a week or so, if that.

I'm afraid that if you are prepared to call the Head useless- which is verbally abusive-, you probably are on a watch list. We have a list of parents at school that nobody talks to on their own. You would be on that list.

It won't affect your kids, but they will pick up on it. I think you should take a step back and have a dispassionate think about the way you communicate with school. I very much doubt your relationships with the other staff are as positive as you think if you have been banned from speaking to teachers.

I'd agree there does seem to be a breakdown in communication.

I have also refused to speak to a head teacher as she was useless!

She can't have any impact on your child unless she breaks confidence in your dealing with her and bitches in the staff room - which will impact on the teachers beliefs - she may well have suggested she doesn't want teachers to talk to you - so can make it difficult for you to do so

Was there anyone else there when you called her useless? If the other teachers saw your loss of temper then they might not want to deal with you in case you loose your temper with them. They are teachers employed to educate children. Not deal with temper loosing parents.

I have to agree with the people who are saying that she is trying to protect the other members of staff from you by insisting all communication goes through her.

I've never had cause to contact the HT in 5 years!
Why do you need such frequent contact with the HT?

If she has 'banned' you from speaking to her staff there must be a reason for it.

Well. Our HT once 'banned' (it's a question of perception) all parents in the class from talking to the class teacher about reading.

This was in Y1, with a NQT. Same as in Reception, where this had been encouraged, parents had been commenting in the reading record when they felt their child had been reading the books on their level very easily. Sometimes directly, sometimes indirectly suggesting that the teacher listen to the child read (which happened only rarely) in order to see if they might be put up a level. As in reception, the parent volunteers who changed the books would flag to the teacher whenever there was such a comment. Just making the teacher aware, and saving the teacher from having to read all comments in all reading records, when most of them just said something such as 'read p 1-8'.
But it appears the teacher felt stressed by these occasional, polite requests. (Just to reiterate, nobody asked for their child to be moved up a level, just for the teacher to listen to the child read and make their own assessment.)
Parents were invited to a meeting, on very short notice (next day), with the HT and literacy person. Class teacher was not there, as she was feeling too stressed. At this meeting the HT stated that it was of utmost importance that the children read every book of every band, so there was never any question of perhaps moving up a level, and therefore - and because Y1 was about phonics rather than about reading - the teacher was not going to do 1-1 reading with any children except those who were most struggling. Seeing as we now all understood how it works, could we please refrain from talking to the teacher about our children's reading (and refrain from writing any comments in the reading record too - they would not be read by anyone except the book changing volunteers).
From that point onwards the teacher didn't do 1-1 reading with any children except the 'daily readers' (who she heard maybe once/week).
And from that point onwards nobody moved up the book bands except when they had read all 50 or so books on their level.

So yes, there was a reason for the HT banning us all from speaking to the teacher (about reading). I just don't think it was a very good reason. And if I hadn't been able to make that short notice meeting that was called, I might well have experienced it as the HT banning me personally, rather than everyone.

Some teachers are poor. Some headteachers aren't great either.

I do wonder why you are verbally banned from speaking to class teacher..

MY DS;s head called me for a meeting and started with " we haven't caught up for a while " I did comment to my friend this should not be a sentence yo hear from your child's head.. but there are issues as to why she has been involved at various points.

However I do have a home/ school book for my Ds have regularish meetings with my Ds's teachers.

I wonder about your approach.. When I have had issues with teachers, I have always approached it from my DS's point of view, or need never about the teacher themelves. I do wonder how you appraoch issues considering the level of contact you seem to be having.