Favourite Child and prize day

[legwarmers]

Hi - I am dreading prize day next week - ds10 has already worked himself up and me bcos he says the teacher's favourite will get the good prizes again. I think he is right but I want to prepare him for this disappointment. Young boy is known in school as favourite and teacher doesn't hide it- I.e will openly ignore children with waiting their hands up to answer and choose young lad as soon as he pops his hand up. Children too being children will choose this lad even if others have done better - just because they think it's what teacher would want. Anyway how do I convince my son that it's not a big deal it. As he is just as clever, sporty and loved as this other boy but not as wealthy or popular! Examples plse

Really? Primary schools my kids have been at have been scrupulously fair about everyone getting a turn to shine. Are you sure you haven't got the wrong end of the stick? It's the ones with difficulties of some kind who (rightly) get the extra fuss and encouragement in normal schools.

If this is really going on and not just your DS having a grudge against someone or misunderstanding extra attention being given to encourage a shy child or something, I'd be looking to move school fast. This is not the norm.

Get him to watch Class dismissed on CBBC and chuckle over Markie. There's not much you can do other than hope the yr6 teacher sees through it more. Your son might also be more resilient come secondary school when the teachers are less aware of who donates what to the PTA.

How do you know thus, do you spend time in the class?

Someone somewhere has a bit of a chip on their shoulder, maybe? (you? Your DS?)

If you foster this idea of unfairness and "chosen ones" you put him on a route to chippiness

Not everyone can win prizes. Not a big deal. My kids never got any, they did not think it was a conspiracy against them.

Why does it matter so much to you and your DS? Is outward appreciation of popularity and talent an essential part of your (his) self esteem?

Yes teachers do have favourites and sometimes it's very obvious.

There is a girl in dd1 class who is quite horrible but all the kids always choose her and want her to choose them. It's quite weird to watch as I've witnessed her being appalling to these kids on the playground

Sorry that should say some teachers have favourites. Not all!

Catkind I will look on this angle but I don't think it's a grudge - it's just very noticeable - for a 10 yr old - and obviously I don't know for sure but I don't think the child has any learning or social difficulties. (There are one or two others in the class who do) i also point out that maybe others see in this boy the same qualities that ds sees.

Shoulve - I've just seen a clip - it looks funny!

Realslim - I am quite frank with him for various reasons and I can't and don't hide from showing him that in the society we live in, for social, economic and political reasons life is often not fair and for that reason his trajectory will depend on his educational experiences. If for you
that means bringing him up with a "chip on his shoulder" then I'll take it.

My question really which I may not have put so well in my op is how do I get across that it's nice to get but if you don't - it doesn't matter - without it just being words.
He is very talented in different areas and hears this from teachers and other adults quite a lot - but so much energy is given to end of year prize giving that I dread it.

But only one child can get a prize so whoever wins it statistically it is unlikely to be him and 30 other children will be disappointed.
Life isn't fair but the prize giving is meaningless. It isn't the noble prize.
Just teach him to say well done and not worry about what others do.