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Original poster

School Absence Penalty

37 replies

michaeldu · 11/07/2017 08:57

I had to take my 5 years old son out of East Ham school, to go back to Vietnam as my mother-in-law, collapsed and was taking into A&E. Unfortunately she did not pull through and so we had to stay back to deal with the funeral and my wife had to deal with her mum's estate. So James was out for 24 days in total. Now I have received a fine of £60 from the council. I have written moving letter to headteacher of school but he is stubborn and will not cancel fine. I could take my son back earlier if I could but my hands was tied. My wife state of mind was not right as on several occasions, she told me, she wanted to end her life and so that she can go with her mother, while we were back in Vietnam. So no way I could have taking my son back earlier and to leave my wife back in Vietnam with her state of mind.

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LockedOutOfMN · 11/07/2017 09:05

So sorry to hear of the death of your mother in law. I don't really have any experience in this area, but it does sound as though your circumstances warranted the absence. Can you provide the school with copies of relevant documents such as the death certificate, flight details? Otherwise maybe you could contact the L.E.A. and see if they are able to waive the fine. Good luck, and sorry again to hear of your family's loss.

Original poster
michaeldu · 11/07/2017 09:16

Thanks for your reply. Yes. I did write a moving letter to the headteacher. Attached my mother-in-law death certificate. So I finally met the headteacher yesterday and he was so stubborn and still say that I have to pay the fine. I told him he has no heart. He does not care about anything. He is the headteacher of a school, teaching thoudsand of kids. He needed to make an example. This was an opportunity to do something that make you fee happy. I told him if I was in his shoes and someone came to me with what I have gone through. I would approve the absence as I thinking that family has gone throught enough. To fine them will make it worse. He said he had to follow guide lines etc but I said, you need to take a look at the circumstances of what has been put to you. Do something good in your life for once? But again he refused. I said we as a family was peacefully grieving for my mother-in-law and now he has suddenly make us angry again.

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Original poster
michaeldu · 11/07/2017 09:19

I am at a point where I just do not want to pay the fine. Go to court if I have to and fight my way there. I did not take my son out to go on a holiday. It was a holiday. It was the worse experience I have ever had in my life. To see someone you love, fighting for last breath of their life in the hospital and you could not do anything. It was hard for me to take. I am a strong man but this I could not take. So my dilema now is. Pay the £60 and get it over or go to court and hopefully the court can see our pain and cancel the penalty.

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Original poster
michaeldu · 11/07/2017 09:20

Sorry. Meant to say not a holiday.

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2014newme · 11/07/2017 09:23

Did you seek permission before taking your child away?

georgjensen · 11/07/2017 09:34

You are fortunate that they didnt de-register you With a 24 day absence he could've been removed from the school role and you would have lost the place.

user789653241 · 11/07/2017 09:46

I am very sorry for your loss.
I would be in same situation if something happened to my parents, since I decided to live in a far away country from my own.
I think HT's hands are tied, it may not be his personal choice.
I get it why you feel unfair about this, but if it was me, I would just pay the fine and forget about it. I know it's against the principle just to pay, but I don't think it's worth having a prolonged stress over a small fine.

Original poster
michaeldu · 11/07/2017 10:01

I agree with you. I can pay the fee of £60 and get it over with. I have one more shot as I also wrote a letter to the council themselves. They are looking at my appeal. So lets hope that they have some heart. Surely there must be a rule for bereavement. No one wants to take their child out, and travel 8 thousand miles to attend their grand-mother funeral. For a 5 years old kid, it would scar them for life. So we only allow him to see his grand-mother from a far. So he only saw his grand-mother on a bed. That all we allow him to see. I just think people need to see the pain that family go through, especially bereavement and stand up and do something good. If this headteacher had approve the absence. The council will not question his judgement but will applaude it.

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2014newme · 11/07/2017 10:32

Did you seek permission for the absence?

Floggingmolly · 11/07/2017 10:42

Sorry for your loss, but please don't make a crusade out of this Confused
You removed your son from school for 24 days without permission, regardless of the reason. (Why did organising the funeral take this long?)
Pay the fine. "People", whoever they may be, do not need to see you fight for what you consider right. They're just applying the same rules that apply to everybody.

Original poster
michaeldu · 11/07/2017 11:05

I do not want to argue with you, Floggingmolly but you are the same as the headteacher. No heart. I hope that when someone in your family pass away and you see it first hand. You get all the help you can get. Then you can see what this all mean.

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Natsku · 11/07/2017 11:10

I'd not pay and let them take you to court if they want as I highly doubt they'd win as those were reasonable circumstances.

But on the other hand its only 60 quid so if money isn't tight it might just be easier for you to pay and get rid of the stress.

pilotswife · 11/07/2017 11:23

The law is ridiculous - I sympathise with you. I know how long and convoluted it can be organising a funeral and tying up an estate in Asia. And your son is only five ...
Hard to advise as I don't know your financial situation and I don't live in the U.K. - therefore not too familiar with this law. There is no way I would ever "seek permission" to take my child out of school in this situation but I would advise them they were absent for the following reason ..
Good luck and I hope your family is recovering .

Original poster
michaeldu · 11/07/2017 11:37

Yes. The law is ridiculous. Thanks for your kind message. We were grieving fine until we received the fine and the headteacher did not help us. I am hoping the council have some care and cancel the ticket. They are my only hope now.

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RickOShay · 11/07/2017 11:39

When this law was

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 11/07/2017 11:42

When was your child five?

breadwidow · 11/07/2017 11:50

The law is mean. When your child turned 5 is a critical question as statutory school age doesn't apply til the TERM AFTER children turn 5 so it may be that the fine is not valid anyway!

Others have asked if you asked the school first. I can see why you didn't but I know from experience that telling the school before you went (even if not asking permission) mat can to avoid this situation

Sirzy · 11/07/2017 11:55

It's not about having no heart.

We aren't talking about a couple of days out of school but missing a months schooling. That isn't good. I understand you felt your hands where tied but the head teachers hands are also tired. As someone said earlier missing so much school if unauthorised you are lucky they didn't deregister him.

You have been having a horrible time as a family, don't make things harder by getting into unneeded battles. Especially not with the school your son will be at for the next 6 years. Pay the fine and move on.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 11/07/2017 12:04

Just a heads up if your child is in reception. As someone said above when the absence and the birthday is is critical.
If your child was born after April they cannot fine you at all this year. If his birthday was between January and March and the absence was in the spring or winter term they cannot fine you and if birth between sept and Dec and absence was in autumn term the same applies.
Although if year one this is all null and void

Original poster
michaeldu · 11/07/2017 12:07

I did write the school a letter before I left. Now they say they do not know anything about the letter. I wrote to the email address they gave me, of when I will take my son back to school. So they knew all along of the number of days my son will be out of school. Now they say I did not ask for permission. When you have a bereivement, you are not hanging around to wait for pemission. You do not know how long your love ones will last.

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tiggytape · 11/07/2017 12:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
michaeldu · 11/07/2017 12:10

I will probably end up paying the fine and I do not want to take the case to court and make my wife even more sad than what she is now. We just want it to end. To tell truth but still I think it is not fair.

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Tomorrowillbeachicken · 11/07/2017 12:12

Is the child in year one?

Original poster
michaeldu · 11/07/2017 12:16

Now my daughter who is 14 years old and was out for same amount of days. However I did not received a fine from her school. So her headtacher was more understanding and approve her absence. So the headteacher can approve it and they will not get into trouble. If they are brave enough and can see the pain that family go through when some one they love pass away.

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