Behaviour in reception - helping my child improve!

[Dinglingding]

Hi everyone

I was just looking for some advice on things I can maybe do to help my DS improve his behaviour at school.

DS seems to struggle on and off with his behaviour at school - so we will have 3 weeks of excellent behaviour and then 1-2 weeks of lots of relatively low level stuff, so pulling a girls hair or scribbling on the corner of someone's work. A lot of it seems to relate to one boy in particular who he sometimes follows ( to try and get him in to trouble I think?). It all started after Christmas when he had a period of being excluded and picked on by the 'cool' boys ( the main boy being one).

He is a child who reacts strongly to things. In particular when told off for doing something it almost seems like he is embarrassed so instead of backing down escalates his behaviour to then do something really naughty. Finds it very difficult to say sorry.

His school report is generally good - attitude to learning excellent but his behaviour rating is acceptable and two behaviour criteria are emerging. In particular it notes that at times he acts impulsively.

I spoke to his teachers a month ago who assured me that although he could be naughty at times it wasn't anything I needed to worry about. They mentioned that his year had had a very difficult first term with an unusually high number of children with severe behaviour problems. Also mentioned he is summer born so young ( although I understood the report to be done on the basis of their age?). Plus he has been improving with a sticker reward system.

He starts a new school next year and I'm just wondering if there is anything I can do in particular to help him? Particularly with impulse control? Obviously I back the teachers up, we have boundaries at home etc. I was always a 'good' girl at school so I find him being 'naughty' particularly difficult!

Vervthe holidays, be really clear with him with regards to what you expect him to do so that he gets more used to following instructions.

"I want you to wash your face with the red face cloth and then put it in the basket. Then put your blue sandals on and we will go to the park"

He needs to know that you want him to do those things and not to go off and play with the lego after washing his face. Then build it up so he is doing a couple of more manageable tasks too.

Try not to fulfill his wants straight away at home. If he interrupts when you are talking to someone else, tell him he is not to and why. Calmly and clearly. Ask him to wait (for a reasonable amount of time) at the table until others are finished. That sort of thing.

Play games where turns are taken. Stay away from activities that give instant gratification.

What you want him to understand is that he doesn't have to be pushy to get his own way.

Unfortunately some dc learn quite early on that if they don't nag and nag to get a biscuit or whatever it is then they will never get one. You need your son to see that the grown ups are reliable and trustworthy. If they say that after we have walked to the shops to get milk we will have a biscuit then that's what will happen and that they don't have to go on and on about it because you will make sure it happens.

Sounds like he is doing well. As long as you are aware of the problem and keeping an eye, I think he will be fine.

My boy wasn't so well behaved in reception. He didn't know how to behave, very impulsive, but as he got older, he started to get what's acceptable and what's not. If the teacher says nothing to worry about, that's what it is. Only thing I would be very clear to him is not to damage someone's work. Talk about it and try to make him understand what does he feel if someone done the same to yours.

I was the same, always a good girl, and found hard to deal with my ds's behaviour at first. But it went well as he grew. And same as your ds, teachers were never concerned. Change to more structured KS1 did great for him too.

Thanks both

savoy thanks those examples are really helpful (the wash face and then go and play with Lego pretty much sums up my issues) and the games where you take turns is a great idea as well.

irvine - my suspicion is also that the change to more structured Y1 might work a lot better for him. He behaves really well in his structured learning sessions, it's the free flow parts he finds challenging.

Is he going to the same school as some of his friends?

No, but he does know one child in his class who used to go to pre school with him. We are doing some play dates and the parents have kindly offered to introduce him to some of the other children.

TBH his choice of best friend for the last two years is part of the problem ( school itself recognised and raised this issue with us)

Is this your reason for moving schools?
This could completely change your son without the other child there so I wouldn't worry too much and just see what year 1 brings

Thanks mum - not the only reason but it is an a factor ( and I'm hoping it does turn out that way - his behaviour when with this friend is very different to when he is with others).

May I suggest that at the new school you make a big effort to make friends with parents and give him a big steer on suitable friends. Lots of children can get attached to the class clown or the naughty child because they think they are funny. Often 5 year olds are not discerning.

Clearly you want him to make sensible choices so have children round to tea that are suitable and keep away from others. There will be unsuitable ones in the new school too! Always speak to the teacher about your concerns because you do not want silly behaviour to spoil his time at school. Most children do grow out of this though and choose friends who really do have something in common with them.

to make friends with parents and give him a big steer on suitable friends

How do you possibly know which kids might be the class clown based on the parents?

You don't but your child will tell you who the naughty ones are or the ones that make everyone laugh. Parents had extraordinarily well developed antennae at our school. They are tribal - they know who is like them and is likely to have a child like theirs. Who goes to the rugby club, the tennis club etc. They suss each other out. Jobs of husbands etc. Where they went to university. It's what happens where I live. Very choosy parents. If you don't want your child to make friends with a wrong un, you make every effort to ensure it doesn't happen. (Not that I bothered though). These people are a pain in the backside, but I am describing their tactics).

BubblesBuddy except of course that the kids of the parents who you seem to be describing, are just as likely to be the bullies and the clowns as the kids from the single parent, no jobs, no university families. Certainly locally in the nearby schools, neither the bullies or the disruptive kids are from the "bad" families, in what is a very mixed area.

Lol