Bullyingn

[Iamthedogsmother]

I've posted on other boards about his but got little response so here goes again ....

My dd is 8. She's in year 3 at a very small school, 7 in her year.

Before she started school, she wa really confident. She always had something to say, no one pushed her around. When she started school, this changed quite dramatically. Turned out she was being bullied so I moved her. She was much better at the new school. Then dh was promoted so we had to move and this is the school where she is now. She's really gone into her shell and I'm obviously concerned. She told me this week about another girl bullying her - accusing her of 'making things worse by running to your mum', referred to my dd as her servant, telling other kids that her friend was smacked by her mum because of dd, it just goes on.

Anyway, I reported it to school. It was dealt with as a bullying matter and the girl wa spoken to and admitted it.

I feel awful about it. I don't want to cause trouble but dd comes first. Did I handle it correctly? I spoke to school as it's happening in school and it is a school matter.

Now another kid is having a go at dd.this is much nastier and much more sly, accusing dd oh hitting her when dd hasn't, saying dd called her fat, in other words, turning the others against my dd. My poor dd has not friends now at all.

She's really unhappy and I don't know what to do. I've told school again but I find the mother the second kid intimidating.

I've thought about taking dd out but dd doesn't want to go. There aren't any places nearby anyway.

I'm a really shy person and I have no confidence. Yesterday, I was talking to my friend about it all. She said my lack of confidence is being projected on to my dd and she is mirroring it. She said I'm a 'people pleaser ' as dd is. My friend said I need to work on my own confidence (as well as dealing with the bullies through the usual channels etc) and this will help dd with her confidence. Makes complete sense. What do you think? Maybe it's silly of me but I hadn't really thought that my attitude would rub off on dd.

For what it worth, dd does stuff outside school - drama, karate etc all to help her. She enjoys it but it's having little effect on her confidence. She won't share her successes in school as she feels she'll be labelled a show off. So I'm thinking about home education. Is there anything else I can do? It's really getting to me

Firstly, you did the right thing by raising the first issue with school. You have to show your own child that you will fight her corner and that the bullying child is told that their behaviour is unacceptable.

Have you been into school about the second child?

You need to, if you don't the sly child realises that your daughter is an easy target because she won't tell. The reason the bully makes fun of a child telling their Mum is because they hope that will mean they won't report it and they can continue. You need to explain that to your daughter, it will only get worse if you don't stop it now.

I volunteer in year 5 and we cut this behaviour short. The children are dealt with severely.

Your school should have on their website a bullying policy document that lays out what bullying is and how they deal with it.

Get it (if not on the website from their office) report the second child for their behaviour. You may yourself be scared of conflict but your daughter has to know that you stand up to bullies.