Homework and taking responsibility?. again.

[OrmIrian]

Sorry. I know I keep on about this subject but we have another ?situation? today. DS#1 normally gets his literacy hw folder back on Monday and has to complete the work and take it back in on Thursday. This week it didn?t come back on Monday. I asked him and he started some long rigmarole about having to give it to a teacher that morning because she normally sees it before his literacy teacher marks it but DS had handed it straight to his literacy teacher in the playground. Next day ? still no folder. Teacher hadn?t finished with it. Wednesday - still no folder. Teacher hadn?t given it back to him as she was out of school ? he?d been to retreive it from her desk but then wasn?t sure if she?d finished with it and put it back on her desk. So couldn?t do his hw last night. DS#1 in a state at bedtime. In a state this morning . I managed to persuade him to get into the car and told him to go and see his class teacher straight away. He wanted me to go and speak to his teacher but I told him that at 10 he was old enough to take responsibility. I watched him walk in and was nearly in tears myself ? I could so clearly remember how it felt to go to school when I knew I was in trouble for something.

Bearing in mind that if what he told me was all true he shouldn?t be to blame (and I have a feeling that he didn?t tell me everything), should I have gone in and sorted it for him? Or was I right to leave him to it. DH reckons I was but then he doesn?t actually have to take a crying child to school? I have told him that if he gets very harsh treatment (he won?t, his teachers are, for the most part, lovely) I will go in to speak to someone tomorrow. Not even sure I should do that or what it will achieve but it helped calm him a little this morning. What would you have done? Feeling very sad for DS today?.

I'd have gone in myself, I think. I wouldn't be strong enough to see my son that upset.

I have had problems with my son and homework etc. And the teacher just aggrevates the situation.

I always do his homework with him and make sure he does it. I was never made to do homework when I was young and didn't end up getting my degree until I was 30 as a result so I feel very strongly about this.

One day out of the blue I get a call from a very angry teacher telling me my son has only handed in one piece in the past year! This was a blatant lie. I'd seen at least 8-10 pieces recently that she had graded and given back to him!! I said this and she basically told me I was bullshitting and he was not doing his work. After I got off the phone I went through his folder and although there was 10 pieces he'd done that had been marked there were more than were blank homework sheets and some work that he had not handed in. He got a telling off and he promised to tell me about all his homework and to hand it in.

He was doing well, even started getting A*'s and distinctions and things from this teacher. When a month later (even though she said she was going to call me weekly for a chat if he'd not done his homework) I get another call saying he'd not done his homework. Its all complete exaggeration. Its pissing me off! She said she would email me every week to let me know what his homework was so I could ensure it tallys with what he has told me and that was a month ago and I have not heard a word from her!

I think go in and talk to the teacher but don't take her word as gospel. The folder has probably just got lost somewhere.

Ah well there's history giddyfeet . DS is a nightmare at hw - takes hours over it, we get tears, strops, it's everyone else's fault, he hates everyone... etc etc. Dh and I spend hours on it with him whilst our other 2 miss out on attention and time. If we don't give him that attention, he gives i poor quality work most of the time. Which is irritating to say the least when he's more than capable of doing better. I posted on here a while back asking whether anyone would just allow a child to sink or swim with regard to hw - let them go to school with it not done and take the consequences, at least once. The general consensus was that as the situation was on-going I should. This particular situation seemed a good one to try the theory - the only difference being that it didn't seem to be entirely his fault on this occasion. I seriously can't imagine any of them getting angry with him - thankfully so far DS hasn't come across any teachers like your DS' - sounds a nightmare . If so I would certainly have helped him fight his corner. How old is your DS giddy?

Bump. Opinions please. I am feeling so guilty now....

What's the usual penalty if he doesn't finish the homework by Thursday?

Think I'd be more annoyed with the system (assuming your DS is telling all the truth) that expects hw done by certain date and then makes it difficult for child to do.

Think I would have gone in with him this am, but you didn't and no use getting upset over it now. Can you go in this afternoon and make sure it's all sorted, assurances that he has enough time to make up the work, given he couldn't get his hands on the folder until today? And ask what he could (should?) have done to get the folder sooner, next time?

Aw, don't feel bad, OI. I'm sure all will be well. I do feel glad I am mean with helping my kids with their homework. One of my twins would be just like your ds1 if we didn't say over to you, sunshine. But I think I'm in the lucky position of genuinely thinking that homework for under 12s is a travesty and therefore I can honestly say "I don't mind if you don't do your homework. It's up to you but you must remember might get in trouble if your teacher disagrees with me and decide if you can take that." It's helped a lot.

Why does the school not give homework over the weekend btw? Ours comes home on a Thurs and is in on Tues or Wed, iirc. They always do it at the weekend as it never feels like there's any time after school. I'm not sure they'd ever do it if it had to be done after school, tbh.

Aaahhh- music to my ears Scummymummy.

Orm - do you think the homework your son is getting might be a bit hard or inappropriate for him?
Homework should follow on from the work done in class and should be pitched at such a level so the child is able to do it almost independantly.
Not some random worksheet that has nothing to do with anything like so much of it is. I would be mightily miffed if I were you.

I have this sort of problem although dd1 is younger, the homework comes at random intervals or not at all, despite the termly letters saying what they are going to get each week. I think this is because a) dd is scatterbrained, as she ought to be at theis age and b ) the teacher can't always get it all set/marked in time-I don't know if she isn't doing what she's supposed to, or is overstretched (my bet is the latter).

At the consultation last month I asked for a list of what "should" be in the folder to be included in the folder for ME, so I could check it's being done (if and when the ruddy folder shows up). The teacher agreed that would be good, and to do it, but like everything else, it has yet to appear, as yet it is another job for her, isn't it!

I will never even be able to go in with her next year as a childminder will drop her at school-I must go back to work FT. I am worried too, it would be good if she was more responsible-but by being irresponsible she will get to do less work!

I do agree with you scummy! I don't see the point of it at all but since it is expected we toe the line. I prefer them not to have hw over the weekends TBH - it should be free time IMO. But evenings aren't easy either.

spudmasher - I don't think it's hard. The maths he sails through - once we get him to actually sit down and get on with it. This hw was simply writing a sentence with each of his spelling words for the week. Not hard, just not his cup of tea.

majorstress - that was part of my problem this morning. I had to drop them at school and then drop off DS#2 at nursery and get to work myself. More WOHM guilt....

I find homework a big issue, I never did any until the last year of school so think it seems a lot of fuss for so little. But I now think it depends on the situation-I started to fret this year about dd not doing maths and being suddenly labelled at 5 as not good at it-so I tried some work with her and a little tutoring for a few weeks, and hey presto, she got better at it and likes it more.

I asked her why she now liked it more, and liked doing it with me more than in school(I used bought workbooks as the school sends home very little maths), and she said because no one could see her making mistakes (meaning classmates, it's ok for the family to see that she's not perfect thank god!). I really didn't know she was thinking that way. Also I now know what she doesn't "get" so can introduce more practice as we are out and about, time-telling for example.

Well he went straight to the teacher who is always on duty in the playground (after waiting for his eyes not to be so red ) and told him all about it and offered to do it at lunch time. Teacher said fine, no problem. Tried to do so but couldn't get into his classroom to get his folder so brought it home again to do tonight. Only problem was the hw monitor who apparently checks that everyone has done their hw and if not informs the teacher!! Bit sceptical about that but if it's true I'm not terribly happy....DS very very resentful of her because she told him he should have a detention.... sounds like a nasty little madam to me.... However I'm very very proud of him for getting on and dealing with it.

Mine is 10 years old now.

Does yours have a short attention span by any chance? If so there could be other issues at play. There is obviously a reason why he is so stressed over it all and hates doing it. It could be that the school are applying way too much pressure to him and if that is the case I would go in and have a quiet word with the teacher and explain your fears.

Progressing with the homework is worth it if you can though. My son has just come home with a certificate - he came top of the class in a mock sats test, something that was not that realistic in the past.