Worrying about moving schools for Yr1

[Dinglingding]

Hi everyone - I am being a bit ridiculous and looking for some reassurance!

I have decided to move my DS from his current primary to another local school, which we been offered a place from the waiting list. I am having a real wobble about it though as DS loves his current school and is very happy there and is doing really well academically.

I have decided to move him for a number of reasons, mainly though that there is no out of school socialising at all due to cultural reasons ( and despite everyone being very pleasant)). Unfortunately my understanding from chatting to the teachers and another parent with a child at the end of primary this isn't something that will change. He is very sociable and although we do out of school activities I just feel this is something that will become more of an issue as he progresses through the school. Long term we are also hoping to move closer to this new school ( although we aren't too far away now!).

I am really worrying though that I may move him and he won't love school like he does now ( which I know is the most important thing). Plus that I'm moving him from somewhere he is settled to somewhere new at the start of Yr1 which is already a big transition. I just feel so ridiculously worried about it - like he is starting school all over again.

Moving a child in Y1 is far easier than moving a child the further up the Primary age phase such as Y3+. Friendships have formed but in my experience they are much more fluid and not full set.

We have no issues with children transiting from other schools in the Foundation Stage and Key Stage One. The issues tend to rise when they are older, friendships become more cemented, peers become a brick, a wall a support structure and basically when their bestie is off sick, their lives fall apart for the day and then when newcomers arrive, they have to find a way into the niche of the friendship circles.

There may be wobbles to begin with but if your child is confident and secure in himself, he should breeze it relatively well.

It's always better to begin a new school at the beginning of an academic year than at the end or mid way through.

I'm losing one of my Y1's to another school in the same town due to a move. They are leaving it until September when he would be going into a new class anyways, albeit, without his peers.

Thank you banging that is really helpful. I had hoped moving him when younger would be easier which is why I have decided to go for it now.

If your child is not likely to mix socially with the other children, you are in the wrong school and he will miss out. I think you are right to go - assuming the new school has children he can mix with! I guess you have looked into this?

Thanks bubble yes the new school has a properly mixed intake ( I guess I would call it a 'normal' intake for a city school). I know a couple of parents at the new school and there is the usual smattering of birthday parties and after school meet ups as the kids get older.

We moved ds in the middle of yr1. He was happy in his class but his sister had already moved and we felt the new school would be a better fit for him too. He moved mid year and it was fine. He settled much more quickly than his older sister (although we had no option really than to move her). I would say that you will still need to work at arranging playdates because the parents have already formed their cliques. The only downside of starting in September is that they are all excited at seeing their friends again so a new boy is less exciting than they would be at any other time of the year. If you know anyone in his class then I would try to arrange to meet up in the park during the summer with any of his new classmates that you can muster. This will help him to know a few children before he starts and place him on the 'playdate/party scene'.

Thanks should we don't know any parents in his year group unfortunately so he will be going in unknown. He will have a visit before the end of this term, but only a short one. I hadn't actually thought about the not being the new boy point - it's a good one! The new school would have him start now if we wanted but I wanted to let him finish his reception year with his teachers ( who he loves) and get to do the end of year show etc.

I agree re making an effort as well - I've taken the first two weeks off so o can do drop off and pick up and generally be at the school gates ( so I can get to know the school as well tbh!).

We moved ds last year for year 1. Reception was great from his POV but not ours and we were happy to move him. Ds did a taster afternoon and cried and then worried all summer about the new school. We felt awful.

1 week he was at his new school before declaring it was the best school in the world. He has masses of friends and opportunities, he's thrived academically, feels more involved in the community and now as we near the end of year 1, he can't really remember much of his old school. Your dc will be fine!

Thank you so much dog - that's what I'm hoping

Sorry one quick question doginthepond if that's ok - do you think it would have been better not to do the taster or mention it until later? My DS is a worrrier so one of my concerns is he will worry all summer!

Our school has lots of movement and the kids adapt very fast. I'd just not mention it very much and play it down / make it positive. At schools round here they often mix classes up too, so that makes it easier as friendships alter anyway

Thanks smelly

From what you say op I would think carefully about moving.

If he has good friendships at school, the lack of socialising outside of school won't matter much. We do hardly any play dates as everyone is just too busy most of the time! The children see each other all day, and dd does plenty of extra curricular activities where she gets to see friends.

Could you do extra curricular activities for further socialising and to expand friendship groups instead of moving him?

Thats a fair point - few of our working parents do play dates etc after school etc. We see a couple of friends some times but not that much. Mine do lots of clubs etc so mainly see friends there

Thanks hibble I take your point on play dates but it is slightly more than that. I can't really explain it clearly, but bluntly the school is in effect a one community school and we are not part of that community. There is also a huge problem with long term absence ( runs at 18%) and pretty much no engagement from parents with the school ( so 4 people on the PTA), no volunteers for school outings. Even as the children get older there isn't any outside school meet ups, no birthday parties at all, no meet ups walking home in the park etc. It seems quite different from my friend's children's experience of the same age.

So it sounds like socialising out of school is not the main issue, but isolation from the rest of the school? How does does your son feel?

If you think it's best to move him then move him and just concentrate on making it a positive move.
I am moving my twins (just finishing yr 1) from their small village school (which they love) to a bigger primary so they can be in different classes, have a wider friendship pool and benefit from better facilities etc. They aren't particularly keen on the move but at the end of the day they are 6 and don't get to make the decisions on what is best for them. I am concentrating on the plus points (bigger playground with better equipment, choice of lunch, more kids so more parties! Etc etc)
They've had 2 visits and start next week - I wanted them to meet their classmates before the summer. I've also made contact with the PTA and class reps so we can do some play dates.
Kids are resilient and if you make it a positive move then I'm sure he's will settle just fine
Good luck!

Thanks suitcase

To answer briefly hibble the lack of out of school friendships are I guess symptomatic of the wider issue. He is aware to an extent - so he does notice little things like he doesn't go to birthday parties with school friends, on certain days/periods he is one of only 5 children in his class at school, that his school friends didn't come to his birthday party (bar 2). Just little things. Perhaps my perspective is skewed by my experience - I loved school mainly because of my friends and from 8 onwards meeting up out of school was really important. I get that may not necessarily always be the way things are.

I understand what you are saying op. My dd went to a nursery similar to what you describe, and I deliberately chose a school with a mixed intake to avoid a similar issue at school. Tbh I don't think dd noticed at her nursery though, but I certainly did and was disappointed no one came to her birthday.

She wouldn't have spoken thr playground language (not English) at one of our local schools. I sent her to another school which was further away and also has very high efl, but with children from a variety of countries.

hibble - our situations sound almost identical ( including the fact that the new school also has relatively high efl, which I genuinely don't mind, but from a more mixed intake). My son didn't notice in nursery, but has started to now and will going forwards I think. It's sad as it is a lovely school, but just not right for him I think

Sorry, just checked this thread and realised you asked a question!

In hindsight, I should of got him to do lots of taster sessions or none at all. The thing is that reception is quite different to yr 1 so his experience of going in to reception at his new school was very different to the reality of year 1 on day 1. I wished he'd not gone in at all as he was quite excited at the move for reasons like: more friends, bigger playground, better technology etc - but he didn't see any of it on the taster and then worried all summer!

We don't have loads of time for outside school socialising but because the school is the biggest in the town, everywhere we go, he bumps in to friends. He's joined a few clubs and there are people he knows at all of them. We feel much more included in the community now.

Sounds like a move would be best long term. Its a shame when obv the school is good, but I having looked at how the kids in our school socialise outside school as they get older, I think he deserves that opportunity. Our school is huge so every where we go, we see people from school. By yr2/3 upwards there is a lot of informal weekend hang outs with friends round each other's houses. They all go to a range of clubs, and at any club they want to, they would know people; because culturally the same types of families use those clubs. Ours is a massively mixed schools, but certain cultures just don't engage in the same way. I think its very different if the balance isn't there and no genuine mix of cultures.

Thanks all - you have helped me get over my wobble

And thanks for the advice dog that is really helpful ( as the mum of a worrier!)