Moving on from baby books at bedtime - for my sanity!

[drspouse]

I've been trying to move DS (5, in YR) up to slightly more challenging books for his bedtime story but (in a perfectly natural reaction to "hard" school reading books) he now only wants board/baby/"That's Not My" books to be read to him.

I have got him a whole load of easier chapter books and while he was happy with them for a bit he's now basically on "story strike" and won't have any thing that is harder to listen to/requires any concentration. Basically he asks for a That's Not My or a baby board book almost every day.

Which is fine but is driving me insane! Especially as I have a 3yo who a) wants everything he has and b) is also obsessed by these books.

We do have loads of books of all levels (better picture books etc) but I'm probably looking more for tactics to get him to choose something more interesting, than actual suggestions of books, but those would also be welcome.

In chapter books he's quite liked The Grunt and The Grouch and the Claude books but most of the others are a bit too wordy for him.

He's also rejecting quite a lot of his old favourites with quality words from Julia Donaldson and that ilk (though to give myself some light relief I think I will hunt those out for DD - honestly the 3,765th rendition of The Smartest Giant would be better than That's Not My Pony yet again).

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_13-Storey_Treehouse

The Mr Gum series is also just right for a 5 year old who doesn't want anything heavy - again something that works for 7,8,9 year olds too. Very irreverent and silly and funny but enjoyable to read aloud as an adult too.

Could you also get some different board books - there are some that are more suited to his age but still board books:

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0062427326/ref=tmm_hrd_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=&sr=&tag=mumsnetforum-21

No-one has mentioned poetry or nursery rhymes. Mine loved poetry books for children - short, good use of words, strong rhythms and well illustrated. Nursery Rhymes ditto! They used to be popular for a reason and they could be useful again. My DC loved them. It does away with chapters if these are daunting.

Why not read to your 3 and 5 year old together? They don't have to be separated at the moment.

Bubbles I agree about reading to them together.

I still read to my older children, and sometimes one doesn't want a story which is fine, but I sit on a sofa in a hallway to read (which was the solution years ago to the circus of all 3 kids moving from bedroom to bedroom for one chapter in each room) and they almost always all end up listening. I have 3 kids and the eldest is 5.5 years older than the youngest, but usually they all want to continue the same book and have a chapter each (not always - sometimes we do have a book per child on the go or 6 yo regresses to The Night Pirates or similar).

Jane Blond is one they've all been enjoying recently - it's a bit young for the eldest but she still likes it :o

I don't think otatters that much what you read, but agree a very long regression to board books would be very tedious!

Reading one board bookfor the 5 yo and something else for the 3 yo in the hope he'll listen might be the way to go.

"If he's doing his school reading then what is the big deal?"

At 5, "school reading" is basically about learning to decode English writing. The books are graded readers and they have very limited vocabulary and short sentences (as indeed they should--kids need these as tools for practising reading). They will not enrich children's language and vocabulary.

A large part of the reason why parents are recommended to share books with their kids is to expand their vocab, knowledge and ability to follow long, complex sentences. It lays the ground for higher-level reading comprehension and knowledge acquisition later on. It also encourages children to love books, which brings joy to their lives (and their parents')!

OP, my experience is that children often get bored by books because they don't understand them, and the commonest reason for that is that there are just too many words they don't understand. Try to pitch the level of new books so that each paragraph has no more than a couple of new words---slow down and explain the meaning of tricky words or concepts, using everyday concrete examples.

Try googling "dialogic reading" to watch videos of how parents can bring books to life and make the tricky words/sentences easier to understand.

Don't feel bad about the fact that someone's 2yo is listening to Matilda; either this is an extraordinarily precocious 2yo (rather like Matilda herself....?) or just a very placid child who is happy to listen to a book that she doesn't understand much of yet. It is absolutely not usual. My daughter listened to me read the BFG recently at just turned 6yo, and even so I still had to stop and clarify the meaning of quite a lot of words and concepts--and this is a child with a good vocab, by the way.

Thanks all - they don't share a bedroom or a bedtime so while the 5yo will come and listen occasionally to the 3yo story, often he's "busy".

I think when they are tiny/not mobile they listen to anything so you get lulled into a sense of security and then when they can vote with their feet - they do!

I do explain words he doesn't know but yes, some of them could get to be more explanation than reading. One of his school reading books had "cash" as it's decodable and "money" isn't yet for him, and I realised from how he was reading that he didn't know that. He won't always say but if you ask him he can have a stab at either using a known word in a sentence, or will tell you he doesn't know.

At 5 he won't be up to speed with phonics. I think you could be proactive and read earlier in the day so they both have a story together! Weekends maybe? Why does reading have to be bedtime when children can get over-tired and difficult? No-one says reading as a family has to be at bedtime.

Try and be a bit more creative. Personally I would hide the board books, but that's just me! Not having a story for while does not hurt either. It is like he is being forced to into something at the end of the day and it is not a pleasure. I would worry that reading will not be a high priority for him but some children just do not like reading - it happens. If he sees you reading to his sibling and not him, would he join in? Often not wanting to be left out is a catalyst.

I agree with you choose one/he chooses one.

At 5, wordier picture books (for the your choice) my DC liked: Shirley Hughes books (especially Alfie); Mog; and Katie Morag.

Just remembered: Meg and Mog books have nearly no words in them, and there are lots to choose from. :)

You could also try wordless picture books - there are some lovely Aesop's fables ones by Jerry Pinkney.

The Richard Scarry books are fascinating to my DS (4) and they have lots and lots of pictures and not much story. Also maybe something like "you chose" - again, not a traditional story but good for engaging and talking together and working on vocab in a non-threatening way.

The Osborne lift the flap train/body/food/space books are also really good.

At 5, "school reading" is basically about learning to decode English writing. The books are graded readers and they have very limited vocabulary and short sentences (as indeed they should--kids need these as tools for practising reading). They will not enrich children's language and vocabulary

Yes I am well aware as mine are 5&7. My general point is that as long as school readi is being enforced, then to encourage a love of reading it is better to have plenty of books available but not to force the issue. Otherwise it becomes a chore. If he wants to look at baby books then so be it. If there should plenty of choice available, he will find something he likes and will read his books of choice when he's ready.

I took this approach with my 7 year old. He's now a free reader. We have tons of books available, of all abilities and if he picked up ababy book I wouldn't be bothered because I know his phonics and progress was as it should be.

My 5 year old is going down a similar path.

We do have a plerothera of books in our house though. We still have board books from their baby hood through to adult books for us.

I started chapter books at that age for my own sanity. I read the board books if DS wanted during the day but at night it was a chapter book.

The Wizard of Oz and Charlottes Web were lovely and the first Harry Potter was a good one too. I had to simplify some of it.

I kinda did a thing where "you can choose during the day but night time is my choice" and you have to give the book a chance. In our case DS was happy with my choices. Or maybe have a nighttime story shelf and ds chooses from what you put on the shelf?

I also really like the Usborne Farmyard Tales one. They are a bit babyish but not too bad.

If I give him the choice of just a story of my choosing versus no story - he tends to choose no story. And we really don't have time the rest of the day for stories - even on a good day when we get home before about 6.15, the rest of the time between then and bedtime is taken up with "I want this for my tea/no I don't/she's got my plate/Mummy you pushed me and that's why I fell over nothing to do with you sitting on one bum cheek on your chair /bath time/milk for DD/you need your pyjamas on/OK now you've done your teeth you can play on the Ipad while I do DD's nappy/nappy/teeth/bed for DD and then FINALLY at about 7.30pm when he's dropping from tiredness we get to sit down together.

Sometimes it's earlier but there's no time, if you work and your DCs go to full time nursery/after school care, for stories during the week except at bedtime. Morning is similar but we do his school reading then as he's less tired.

At the weekend if I suggest a story and a sit down he has better things to do.

Mine liked the old fashioned chapter books.
Paddington and My Naughty Little Sister were good as each chapter was almost a self-contained story, rather than the story having to be remembered overnight.
They also liked the Enid Blyton Magic faraway tree type books

It gets easier as they get a little older. Me and dh both work and found that getting up earlier in the morning meant we could read for ten minutes with ds in the morning.

We have books in both dcs bedrooms, in the study and downstairs. We take them to the library when we can at the weekend. We buy quite a lot of new books - ds especially likes fact books - which generates excitement about reading.

But certainly when ds was 5 and tired from school and we from work, reading every day was a challenge so we kept it to school reading. Seriously - he will be tired so let him chose something basic.

I assume he has better things to do because you give him better things to do. Does he not have a slightly quiet time during the weekend? Ever? This child obviously rules the roost!

Sounds tough, OP! Try all the hints you have had here, but to a certain extent it may also be about waiting for him to mature and chill a little bit. If weekdays are just manic, see if you can make time for reading something a bit meatier at the weekend when there is more time and everyone is a bit more relaxed.

I wonder if his after school care facilities ever do story time with the children....?

This child obviously rules the roost
Yeah thanks for that helpful comment.
He's not a particularly quiet child and he likes to be active. So out of choice at the weekend he would probably go to the park/go on his bike/blow bubbles or throw a ball in the garden and then of course we have church, dancing, errands into town, birthday parties etc. and we like to get out as a family sometimes e.g. beach/countryside.

And of course we also need to do the washing/make tea/tidy up/do things with his sister.

If he is sitting down to do something quiet (which he does) and I say "shall we have a story" and he doesn't feel like a story, but would rather watch a film/play a phonics game/build something out of Lego/play Snakes and Ladders/do a puzzle - am I supposed to tie him down and forcibly read to him?

I wonder if his after school care facilities ever do story time with the children
I should ask actually. They tend to do free choice but it's a range of great activities (lots of time outside when the weather is OK and rarely screen time - I don't think they even have a shared game setup). Not sure if it includes stories. I usually see one or two looking at books (even pre-readers) when I pick up but DS is usually making something out of junk, that's another sit-down activity he really likes.

If he's playing a phonics game, that's great! Does he see you read the paper?
What does he like? How about some factbooks?

read the paper

He may see my DM read the paper... can't remember the last time I bought one/had time to read one!

Well I'm pleased to report that "you choose one, I choose one" is having some success. DH says that if he chooses a board book, he says "that's OK but you read it to yourself" (and he can actually read up to 50% of the words in some), but today he chose what's actually one of my favourite board books (Books are for reading, not eating) and I said OK, I'll choose one too (a Hairy MacLeary), and he changed his mind and chose Blueberries for Sal.
Oh and we had a story together this morning (a Runaway Train one which was DH's pick last night but I don't mind reading a story again if it's not within 24h!)
Which has given me the idea to go to Pick your Own tomorrow - he used to be allergic to strawberries so we couldn't go but he's grown out of that!

Glad it is improving... I would definitely stick with the more complex picture books (have you done cops and robbers, burglar bill etc?) and hold off on the chapters until he is keener.
I left Roald Dahl until 6 personally, but I have a bit of a thing about rushing reading - when there are thousands of wonderful age-appropriate books, why deprive them of those and rush onto something they will enjoy more in a couple of years?

That's a good point night actually.
He chose 15 things Not to Do with a Baby tonight then denied having chosen it and said he wasn't listening (he was in a strop) but we had a cuddle at the end anyway.