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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

You feel a bit crap don't you when you get negative comments at parents evening...

16 replies

MummyPenguin · 21/03/2007 11:05

Had parents evening yesterday. DS2 (yr 2) and DD (yr 6) got good comments, but DS1 (yr 3) got negative comments. I was a bit to be honest, as when we're doing homework, he seems to be doing really well, and his spellings have really improved, whereas going through the spellings list used to be like banging your head on a brick wall.

As soon as I walked in to the class and sat down, the teachers said that his behaviour hadn't been great, which I was really at, as he's not a naughty boy, and I've never had negative comments re his behaviour before. I know what the problem is though, his group of friends are a rowdy bunch, and some of them do get into trouble, and the teachers said that although DS doesn't necessarily instigate it, he's always there in the thick of it. He also gets carried away laughing when someone else is acting up and then gets told off for that.

I have to say, I did detect an air of dis-interestedness with the teachers and it was all a bit you know? They said "we do try to control who they sit next to, but they always gravitate together again." So who's in control? Make them sit apart if they're going to act up if they sit together. This is mainly on the carpet, I think.

They said too that DS is rushing his work and making mistakes because he's not reading the questions properly.

We've had a good talk to him about not being silly, and taking more care over his work and hope that it sinks in.

The teachers also said that he's part of something called 'Quest' which is basically Literacy booster classes. I had no idea he needed extra help. Nice of them to share the information with me earlier eh?

I'm not goting to worry about it too much at this stage, at the end of the day he is an 8 year old boy, I'm sure most of them are boisterous and silly sometimes and rush through their work sometimes too. Will keep an eye on things.

Just wanted to get it off my chest I think, and where better than MN?

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NotanOtter · 21/03/2007 11:11

hopefully now you can at least act on it though
Piss school off by hassleing them

confusedandignorant · 21/03/2007 11:12

Why do they wait till parents evening to tell of problems? Suppose it is an improvement on a few years back when you only heard in July report and it is too late to do anything.

Would be nice for a follow up appointment two-three weeks later if there were specific problems so you could think about it and talk to DC and have an action plan.

flatmouse · 21/03/2007 11:17

Based on what you've told us, yes i would be a little fed up.

However, in general i would prefer to hear some negatives - with suggestions on improving those negatives than all sugar-sweet positives that don't really have much meaning.

Original poster

MummyPenguin · 21/03/2007 11:18

Yes, I will definitley approach the teachers again in a few weeks to see how things are going.

That's the thing that annoys me about schools, they always spring these things on you at parents evenings. Really they should have told me about the Literacy booster classes as soon as it became apparent that he needed them. I am glad that they've spotted that he needs help and have acted on it, but I don't like being left out of the picture.

Our last parents evening was in November, and it was a completely different picture then, so it's a bit worrying as to what's gone wrong between then and now.

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Original poster

MummyPenguin · 21/03/2007 11:21

I agree, flatmouse, I meant to say, there were positives too, but to say that he's a lovely cheerful boy, not about his work or behaviour though, so it's a bit worrying.

One of the teachers said "this behaviour and approach to his work will let him down as he progresses through the school."

Newsflash love, I don't intend to let it continue that far. That to me sounded almost like she was writing him off.

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Hallgerda · 21/03/2007 12:07

You have my sympathy - I've been through this too. Teachers do often seem to round on us parents without considering who could actually do something about the problem - they're there when our children are misbehaving, not concentrating, wilfully misunderstanding etc. and we're not.

I feel like getting myself a badge for the next parents' evening, saying

HAVE YOU TRIED TALKING TO MY SON?

(as I have three boys, I could re-use it. Can I give myself an environmental brownie point for that? )

I agree with confusedandignorant that teachers shouldn't wait until parent's evening to tell us if there's a problem.

flatmouse, I'm afraid I'd give good money for some sugar-soaked positives right now, insincere or not . I sort of take your point though...

ejt1764 · 21/03/2007 12:17

Mummypenguin - I would seriously consider contacting the school, either by phone or letter, letting them know that you've discussed the issues raised at parents' evening with ds, and asking for him not to sit with x, y, and z.

A teacher saying that children congregate with their friends is a real cop-out - of course the do! - the classroom is the teacher's territory, and they should decide who sits where, with whom, and when. I'm a teacher, and that approach works for me - and for my colleagues too.

Personally, I would be absolutely tamping mad if a teacher started slagging off my ds without having taken any remedial action first (ie, splitting up the 'lively' group)

Original poster

MummyPenguin · 21/03/2007 13:11

Thanks for the comments. I have a good relationship with the Deputy Head who is a very approachable, very pro-active person. I will see if she's free for a quick chat today after school, she usually welcomes parents without an appointment, and I will bring up the issues with her.

I don't want to just leave it, as I'm not happy about it.

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singersgirl · 21/03/2007 13:14

Well, at the next parents' evening, next week, when DS1's teacher says, as she will, that he has problems with concentration and distractibility I shall smile sweetly and say ever-so-nicely, "So how are you going to help him with this?".

Original poster

MummyPenguin · 21/03/2007 13:19

Yep, I've been thinking today, the benefit of hindsight eh? I shall get my point across though, it's not too late.

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singersgirl · 21/03/2007 13:24

I'm glad I saw this thread before my parents' evening, because I always end up feeling guilty,as if it's really my fault.

Berrie · 21/03/2007 13:44

Mmmm, the booster group is a big no no, they should have told you. But the behaviour thing. You saw the teacher in November and it wasn't a problem then. Perhaps he's just had an unsettled few weeks and the teacher is telling you now? As a parent you feel shocked to find out that he's not knuckling down in the way that he maybe should. From the teacher's point of view the problem may not be such a big deal but something worth mentioning on parents evening. All classes have a lively bunch and yes it would probably be in their best interests to concentrate a bit more. At parents evening the teacher is right to point this out. It probably feels worse to you than it actually is though. From the sounds of things he's not a disruptive child just, as you say, a lively 8 year old who is being a bit silly with his mates. If she'd have brought you in earlier it could have been a bit over the top for the situation.

hippipotami · 21/03/2007 17:37

We had parents evening for ds (year 3) back in Feb, and they also sprung the literacy extra help thing on us. Apparently it is for all children who did not reach grade 2 in literacy SATs.

Like you, I think it is great that he is getting extra help, but would like to have been told...

I always feel guilty and end up apologizing when the teacher tells me he is not working hard enough or messing about with his pals.

Urgh, this parenting malarky is sooo hard...

Original poster

MummyPenguin · 21/03/2007 17:40

Went to see the Deputy Head after school, told her of my concerns about the comments at parents evening last night. She agreed with me about the Literacy booster group, I should have been told. Apparently they've been doing it since January FFS. I did say that I'm glad that they recognised that he needs extra help and that this is being provided, but they should have shared the information with me sooner. Deputy Head is definately in agreement with me on this, and is going to speak to the SENCO to put forward the suggestion that a note is sent home to parents of children being involved in such schemes. Lightbulb moment anyone?

As for his behaviour, Deputy Head said that she has witnessed it for herself, she accompanied them out of school yesterday, and witnessed DS and his group being silly. She said, as you said Berrie, that it may not have been serious enough to bring me in before and that they decided to just drop it in to conversation at parents evening. Deputy Head said that "he's just being an 8 year old boy." I told her that I was glad to hear her say that, as it is my sentiments exactly.

Apparently, DS teacher asked him today if I've spoken to him after last night's appointment, which I'm a bit about, there's no need to rub it in, and she didn't do her part of speaking to me, did she? Silly cow. I'm glad I didn't just leave it. The Deputy Head is going to speak to DS's teachers.

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Original poster

MummyPenguin · 21/03/2007 17:41

Thinking back, I'm pretty sure that DS did reach SATS level 2 in Literacy.

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admylin · 21/03/2007 19:52

This could have been me at my parents evening. Ds is also 8 and usually quiet and very well behaved in school. His teacher said he is now totally integrated and accepted in the class and is joining in with all the other lads. Trouble is all the other lads are quite wild and silly most of the time - she also said he laughs when others are being silly or getting told off. I just asked her, but Miss X, when you tell him to stop or ask them to be quiet does my ds follow your orders or does he carry on? She said he always stops when he's told to so I just told her that as far as I could see he was just a normal 8 year old boy and a well baheved one at that - along the same lines as your deputs head:
"Deputy Head said that "he's just being an 8 year old boy." I told her that I was glad to hear her say that, as it is my sentiments exactly."
I would say our respective teachers didn't have much to complain about really!

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