Chislehurst primary dilemma

[Vivi0120]

Hello ladies,

It is a more of a struggle I am having so I needed some advice from more experienced mom.

My daughter is turning 3 this July and we started visiting local schools. We are arguing with my husband as we wants to let her go to a big independent school where she will study through to senior level. However, I find the school - Farrington a bit big and I am unsure how a 4 year old copes with the size and the number of people around.
My idea is to send her to a small primary in the area - Mead Road up to Year 2 as it is an infant school and then transfer her to a bigger school.
My husband says that the child will get used to whatever she is faced it but I disagree with this and think a smaller school will be a better start for her. She is quite shy and is not the most open child, she never approaches anyone and just sticks with me and her daddy. This would mean that she will need to change schools though. Also one school is independent, one is state - so we will save a bit of money, I wouldn't say that we can afford the private school without quite a few sacrifices.

What is your experience? Any word of advice? :)

Farringtons is a very nurturing and caring school - it has small classes (2 or 3 per year), with between 16-18 children per class. I wouldn't describe it as big or overwhelming at all. The junior school is very separate from the senior school - two different sets of buildings/playgrounds etc for each. I would certainly give Farringtons another look.

I don't know the schools in question.
My boys started at a massive school campus aged 4 and 6. The school itself is on the small side (3 form intake, but only 60 kids per year) but the campus it is on has 6000 (6 thousand) pupils from 3 to 18. They live it, and because if it's size gave access to amazing subsidiary teaching and facilities that a smaller school cannot afford. Have a look at what else it can iffer🍎. Size isn't everything.

I wouldn’t recommend Farringtons at all.
I think it must have been nurturing a long time ago. Things have changed tremendously.
our experience was so dreadful that my son was counting the days to leave. Now he is in therapy as consequence of being there.
I know some parents have happy children there but there are also a great deal of parents unhappy who have moved their children to other schools.
The year 6 from a class of 16-17, half have left Farringtons to continue secondary school somewhere else. Maybe that’s a sign things are not that great in Farringtons.
I know my friend and I would have left our boys to continue in senior school if they were happy.

For independent in this area: Either Babington House then Eltham College (at 7 plus or 11 plus) or Bromley High in Bickley (goes all the way through, but you can change at 11 or 16). Those are the most well regarded schools locally (academically speaking). There is also a prep called Braeside which people seem to like.

You could also choose one of the many state primary schools and most are absolutely fine.

If private school entails sacrifices, do not do it. Bromley state schools are good, both at primary and secondary level. And there are grammar options too in Bexley and in Kent and Newstead in Orpington. For grammars, many people tutor, whether coming from private or state school. The grammar options keep changing year on year due to admissions policies changing, new annexes opening up etc.

I would start with the infant school you mention and see how it goes.

This tread is 6 years old. :D Thanks for the input though.

The post is still seen by many parents and I have seen someone recommending Farringtons so wanted to make everyone aware that is not all just wonderful as it seems. It is just our experience.

So what did you choose in the end?

We sent her to a small independent school.

Are you happy with your choice @Vivi0120? Hope she is thriving!

@Lizy1234 - there are lots of people on Mumsnet complaining about certain private schools. I do not think any school is ever going to keep everyone happy and if people have spent so much money, their expectations will be really high. Unfortunately things will go wrong for some children in all schools and private is not always better than state. How schools are run is incredibly important across the board. Sometimes private schools forget that the main purpose of education is the welfare of the children in their care because some see money/numbers/protecting the teachers etc over and above the children who come through.

I do agree with you completely. We knew the school was not academic and we were happy to compensate that with the tutor. I don’t think we had incredibly high expectations, our son was in private school since pre school.
We simply wanted a school where he can be happy, safe and near where we live.
Sadly, our first disappointment with the school was on his first day there when a teaching staff dropped a hot drink on my sons legs. He was in so much pain and said it was the worst day of his life. Since then all we had is a chain of further disappointments including safeguarding issues.
Our children have the right to feel happy and safe in school regardless of private or state.

@JustanothermagicMonday1 we couldn't be happier. We have had so much need of support in different occasions and have always had adequate reaction from the school.

And you are right. There will always be people will different experience. We have had multiple kids move to different schools because they were unhappy. Some reasons have been ridiculous for example not refunding term fee due to covid, another girl was unhappy as another girl bullied her but in every school there will be girl drama.

@Lizy1234 - that sounds like a really difficult experience. I never see our teachers or TAs carry around hot drinks in state primary. I wonder whether that kind of thing is simply more tolerated in the independent sector. I do believe a lot more gets covered up in the independent sector. However, even in the state sector, they will try and sort things through chatting/informally as much as possible. Once things are put in writing they have to record it properly. Some people get fobbed off constantly because they don’t realise this. It is part of the reason state school teachers don’t usually give out direct email addresses. It is a bit like GPs - they are guarded by the receptionist/admin staff first. The private school parents I know often get to email their class teachers directly. However, I have heard stories from friends where incident recording is not to the letter as it is in many state schools (although not all, and practices of course vary a lot).
I would never choose a school for any of my DC where the head teacher was not around a lot and completely approachable. That to me is a really important thing. A head who is aloof/distant/marketing/paperworking constantly is a big red flag to me. Problems happen everywhere- how it is dealt with is the important thing.
I hope your DC is doing well now.

@Vivi0120 - glad to hear you found a great school for your DC. I think when the parents value the school that can also make a big difference.