Should I take him to visit the school

[TakeawayAgain]

Hi MNers,

This is my first post, please be kind.

We applied for a reception place at a local village school even though we live in a bigger town nearby. It's location will make drop off and pick up easier for me and we were lucky enough to get a place (not oversubscribed).

Only thing is, DS thinks he is going to the same school as his friends, connected to his pre-school and he is going to be really upset. I'm thinking that a walk around the new school in the next couple of weeks will introduce him to the idea enough to avoid a melt down on induction day when he realises that he's not going where he thinks he is then.

I know he will make new friends when he starts there, that's not the issue. I just want him to enjoy, and get as much out of, the induction day as possible in order to get him off to a good start. That won't happen if he's busy being upset.

Should I make an appointment to walk round or should I just let him go on induction day? Am I being a neurotic parent?!

Advice please!

Could you take him round the outside of the school? Is there a tempting playground or climbing frame that you would be able to see through the fence? Or just start walking past the school regularly, to get him used to the idea?

Thanks for replying, I think most of the school grounds are quite secluded but perhaps it's worth a try.

I wonder whether it would just be okay to start talking to him about it now. We have been telling him for a while that we are going to find a really cool school for him to plant the seed that he might not automatically go next door.

He's a bright kid and, due to my work commitments, he stayed in preschool instead of doing nursery. He's very aware of this and is quite angry as his friends went there a year ago.

I don't want him to hate me because he's, once again, not going where he thinks.

This parenting stuff is a minefield!

Welcome to mn!
I would tell him. We're in exactly the same situation and I worried about telling dd for weeks. Then we told her last week and she was fine! The first thing she said was 'but I won't know anyone ' so we said we'd set up some play dates with other children going there. After that she seemed happy and didn't ask much else. It may be that it hasn't sunk in yet, but we had one play date and mentioned it again and she seemed fine. Do you know anyone with children in the new school, or is there a local fb group you could find some on?

Have a look on their website / Facebook and print pictures off for him
Make a book?

Most reception classes will offer induction visits.

I would talk to him about it now and make sure he understands he won't be going to the same school as his friends. Talk up the new school, look at the new uniform etc. You need him to get used to the idea before you take him to the new school.

If they have a summer fair or other open event it might be worth dropping by.

I'd also make sure that you take him to his school before the induction meetings for the school his friends are going to else he may wonder why he hasn't gone to that.

Thank you all so much for your advice. I will try to make contact with some other parents via Facebook, etc, and see if anyone is interested in a play date.

Love the idea of the book. Also very good point about making sure he is aware before the other school has their induction day.

Good luck to all mummies of kids starting somewhere new in September! I'm nervous because I feel like I'm starting somewhere new as well!

Phone the school and ask if there is an induction or if you could have a tour. They can only say no.

I think there is an induction day in July but I'm worried that if he doesn't get his head around the fact that he's going there, not where he's expecting, the induction day will be an issue.

If he spends the morning having a strop, he will miss his first opportunity to begin good relationships with staff and other children. I want him to be the cute, funny boy he is most of the time on the induction day, not the confused and miserable one that he might be if I don't prepare him well enough.

I have considered taking him for a tour during term time. Maybe I should call them Monday.

I'm just worried that I will come across as the neurotic parent and my DH doesn't think it's necessary that DS goes for a tour to get his head around it.

Thank goodness for mumsnet advice!

Why don't you just tell him and see what transpires. He may need a tour round (if school ahrees), he may not.

I think you need to tell him about his new school. Not making a big deal about it not being the one everyone else is going to. Not begging him to like it. And not doing some hard sell about why this is better. Just be the grown up who made the decision and this is what is happening. Drive past it on the way to other places and say "there's your school!" Pop in to the summer fete. Point out people you see in that school uniform or point it out in the supermarket when they start selling it. I think if you go and have a personal tour with him, it gives an element of choice to him. On induction day there will be other excitement to distract from the new children.

I've never planned to not tell him and then just unexpectedly take him there, although reading my OP perhaps I didn't make that very clear. I am trying to work out the best way to get him used the idea before induction day so he accepts it and enjoys it on the day.

Thanks again for all your lovely advice, fingers crossed it all goes well!

Of course start talking about it now. Get him excited about it. My dd was always happy to move on to new schools as she heard me talk about them. When she was 3 and moving from her Montessori school leaving friends behind she was happy going to big girl school where she didn't know anyone. When I decided to switch her school mid reception (where she had gone for nursery as well so had loads of friends) she was fine about it and excited to go new school. Luckily she knew some kids in the new school as well. I think if kids hear you talk about it and u make it sound exciting then they will be excited to go. Always worked for my kids.

I'd talk to him about his "cool new school" "shall we go and see here it is?" And do a look around the front and playground if you can. I wouldn't do a tour. That's what we did, just tried the walk there and had a look from the outside. Definitely see if anyone else you know is going there too.

Also talk about having to look at schools because we get to decide which we like the best