When is it OK to say 'alright then, sod it, don't bother with your homework '?

[OrmIrian]

After months and months of arguing, persuading, coaxing, bribing a 10 yr old to sit down and do his hw properly. We are almost at the deadline for his school project and the only thing on the paper is the work I've 'helped' him with.
Is it ever OK to just let them simply not do it if they choose to and take the consequences. DH has said that is what we should have done ages ago but I was reluctant, mainly as I drop the kids at school so I'd get the tears and fuss when DS got there are realised he was going to face the music. But I have just about reached the end of my rope.

With a 10yr old I think I would but mine isn't ten yet and she loves to do her homework so I may be wrong. I do think it's good that they learn about the consequences though

Yes. do it now. You've done your best.

I think he needs to learn a lesson! In the next few years he is going to be at senior school and he'll get twice as much homework. I know its tough and I feel sorry for him already, but I would do the same to my dd (year 6). In fact, I think I have. Put a note in his contact book, saying you did your best, but you feel he needs to learn a lesson and the teacher should be ok

I think I'd check with teacher that there will be consequences first .. make sure he realises bad things come of it

Yes.

I'd warn the teacher first though to make sure she knows about it (and to make sure there is some music to face as it were!)

I think that you are right Twiglett. He's given in some appalling work recently and nothing has happened apart from some rather ascerbic comments in red! Parents evening soon so I shall discuss it then.

OK. Last night he sat down and did most of his literacy hw without fuss and without nagging and did it reasonably well. Sods law.

But I'm still going to speak to his teacher.

I did it totally gave it away in yr 7 when he got to secondary school

I started to let go responsibility in yr 6 - I did explain to the teacher why and she said she'd keep an eye out and make sure he kept up.

He failed a couple of tests, for a very able and bright student who had cruised ahead of the pack for all his life, this was the impetus he needed.

Now in yr 8 he has never missed homework and has excellent grades and he can take all the credit.

Worth doing IMO, the relief of not stressing over it makes a huge difference to homelife too I found.

Well, my dd who is a similar age got a pathetic result in a test yesterday which I didn't even know was going to happen... she did but "forgot" to revise . I think she has realised how bad it was when lots of other children in the class got almost perfect results - especially the ones who are in "lower" groups than her - am hoping this will give her a bit of a "kick" to try harder in the future without constant nagging from us.

Meant to add that it does annoy me a bit that the teacher knows dd needs to improve in certain areas but rarely sets homework (apart from spelling and tables) which would give us the chance to work with her at home. Anyone know if this is common in Yr5?

with some DC's you have to nag about homework right up until graduation day,

I do it quite often because I often find the homework pointless or dd is just too tired. Mind you she is only 6 and has only been at school for about 6 months (overseas) so the pressure really isn't there yet.

We just started this with DD, she is 10 and in year 6. Homework was just becoming too stressful. In the end we've said its your homework not ours! We won't get told off if you don't do it, YOU WILL! We did mention it to the teacher at parent evening so that she knew the situation, I think its good preperation for going to secondary school...

In answer to the OP:

At about 9.30pm on a Sunday night.

oh duh this is about making your dc take responsibility for their own homework! Sorry, got the wrong end of the stick

Well I was invited to lunch once at an American girl's place and it began by everyone taking it in turns to thank God for whatever good things were going on in their life at the time. I had the impression all the Americans there were ok with it. I'd imagine morning prayer at work could be more common in American firms really. George Bush does it with his crowd, doesn't he?

Duh duh duh again. Wrong thread

I would back off for now. My ds1 was like this at primary but miraculously, now he is at secondary there is no nonsense and he just gets on with it. I think they know that homework is not obligatory at primary.