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Original poster

Moving schools...again?

60 replies

Gaggleofgirls · 09/04/2017 00:55

I'm currently feeling like the worlds worst mum. I really regret the decision to move DD schools and am contemplating moving her back.

We moved DD from a school she was perfectly happy at, she was confident and had a good group of friends, although seemingly quite bitchy.

Our reasons for moving were the class sizes, the bolshyness of her chosen friends and that this might rub off, it's a very academic school that do very little to none extra curricular (big into maths and English but little else) and that the relationship between teaching staff is visibly strained. All of which we thought may have a negative influence and DD is in CR so decided to move sooner rather than later.

We were basically sold on all these things being different in the new school to only realise the grass isn't always greener.

DD is now described as incredibly shy, will not speak in a group or with the teacher. Her literacy levels have dropped to well below what they were and the class sizes are set to double in September. -This is all from the teaching staff, at home she can still read letters/sounds just fine and is happy although perhaps not as confident as she was.

What do we do? She's only been at this school two terms but I get the distinct feeling the teacher simply doesn't like her and it's horrible to see her confidence shrinking by the day!

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CrazyCatzCuckoo · 09/04/2017 21:58

What reasons did you give to the initial school when you moved her?
Do both schools lead on to the same secondary school?
Is one closer to home than the other?
Go with your gut I think - better to make the move back if you think it's better for her long term now than in other year or so as all that time friendships are being built

GetInTheFuckingSea · 09/04/2017 21:59

It's really difficult to say but tbh unless you have grave misgivings about the new school I would leave it. This is her life - the environment that she has to function in - and changing it is a big deal for her. Quite possibly she is just unsettled.

For various reasons, I went to three different schools during my first year and by the time I got to the third I just stopped talking to people because I was overwhelmed by all the changes. My parents thought that as I was young it didn't matter. But it really really did.

Original poster
Gaggleofgirls · 09/04/2017 22:02

The schools are both small in grand scheme of things. We live in a very rural area.
Class sizes were supposed to be 20, but are increasing to 36.
Preschool, nursery and reception are all within the school. Nursery and reception are taught together.

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imsodizzy · 09/04/2017 22:22

Have you asked your dd which she would prefer? I'd give her till the end of the school year, speak to her teacher and see where she is then. I'd be tempted to move her back though, if she was happy there then it won't involve much settling in or be a big upheaval.
I moved school at an older age(teens) and i went from a confident, out going, happy person to a shy, withdrawn girl with no confidence and I have never recovered from it.

Original poster
Gaggleofgirls · 09/04/2017 22:35

I have but she's just too young to actually know which and is just looking for approval. I don't think she'd mind either way. Outwardly she still seems totally fine, it's the teacher that has said socially/educationally she's not.

I also moved schools as did each of my brothers, it didn't affect us. If anything I went from being quieter to fitting in much better. My brothers would all say the same about themselves.

OP posts:
CrazyCatzCuckoo · 09/04/2017 22:51

Did he school know you moved her due to the " bitchy girls"

Original poster
Gaggleofgirls · 09/04/2017 23:06

We didn't. That was just an extra thing.

We moved her due to the school concentrating solely on academic subjects.
They have no extra curricular activities and do very little work outside. School B does do a lot
Poor communication between the teachers and a head who has terrible organisational skills. An obviously bad relationship between each (parents shouldn't see this!)
Class sizes were normal whereas School B was smaller

It was very close between the two but School Bs head was a better sales person.

That's actually v helpful writing that out 🤔

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user789653241 · 09/04/2017 23:15

If she seems ok at new school, I would at least wait until summer.
It may all change to positives in next term.
Also the classroom dynamics can change going into yr1, when everything start to be a bit more formal. She may get great teacher.

If school A is not oversubscribed, you can go back anytime, anyway, which is a good back up plan.

CrazyCatzCuckoo · 09/04/2017 23:25

Does either have a better secondary link?

Original poster
Gaggleofgirls · 09/04/2017 23:32

They have the same secondary links and next year she will get the same teacher but 15 more children, due to class resizing.

My concern with this is that as she is already fading into the background within 20 kids how is an extra 15 going to help? The other classes are merging throughout the school too due to funding cuts so the average class size of 20 is going up to 35+

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user789653241 · 09/04/2017 23:42

Having 30+ children in yr1 is illegal, isn't it?
They must have 2 teachers? Or is it ok in private? Bit Confused

Original poster
Gaggleofgirls · 09/04/2017 23:48

I think they get round it by having a HLTA as the TA? Not sure really, I've never taught a class bigger than 28 and that was ample

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2ndSopranos · 10/04/2017 07:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrz · 10/04/2017 07:50

More than 30 in an infant class is illegal unless the additional pupils were admitted as "exceptions" and no HLTA or TA is required.

GraceGrape · 10/04/2017 07:54

Am I right in thinking that you moved her into the new school at the start of Reception after she attended nursery at the first school? If so, I think it's difficult to compare them. It might be that she's found the school setting and routine hard to adjust to compared to pre-school. Also, academically she would have covered very little reading and writing-wise at pre-school so the issues she's having may have developed anyway.

Original poster
Gaggleofgirls · 10/04/2017 08:01

Well I have no idea how they've got round it then as that's how many there will be.

Your DD may not, as I've already said mine has faded into the background with only 20 kids which is why I'm concerned about class sizes.

And yes my concern is that I am thinking of moving her due to being unhappy with something, I don't want to do it again. I feel we moved wrongly the first time and this is why I don't want to even think about anywhere else, at least if we went back to the same one we already know the faults.

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Original poster
Gaggleofgirls · 10/04/2017 08:04

Gracegrape - yes she did preschool and nursery at school A. These are taught within the same class as reception. Reading/writing wise they were very good and she hasn't really moved on since.

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Msqueen33 · 10/04/2017 08:05

Where we live all schools are good but fully subscribed so you don't have a choice. There will always be things you don't like about a school. They can't please everywhere. Go on the ethos of the school, the values, the teachers. Our classes have 30 in a class. It's standard round here. One of my dds has a 1:1 full time so that might be why there's more in a class but it's a lovely school. Is she your first to go to school? I think you need to write the pros and cons down. And give her a chance to settle before you make judgements on academics. I could understand if she was a lot older but she's barely had any time in school to discover her academic ability. I know you're probably only trying to do what's best for her but you need to make a decision and stick to it because the moving about will unsettle her.

Original poster
Gaggleofgirls · 10/04/2017 08:12

Totally agree msqueen that's why I'm so stuck as to whether to stick at it or jump back before she gets too settled. We will be sending DD2 to the preschool at schoolA either way

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CrazyCatzCuckoo · 10/04/2017 08:24

Move her back
I think you'll always regret it if you don't and everything that happens in this school you don't like you will compare and wish you had moved her
Mine are grown now but I moved them from a large thriving school to a small village one and within 6 months had to have an embarrassing talk with the previous headteacher and ask for their places back!
If it doesn't feel right; usually it isn't

mrz · 10/04/2017 08:30

Have you considered what you'll do if you move her back and are still unhappy with the school?

2ndSopranos · 10/04/2017 08:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Astro55 · 10/04/2017 08:46

Maybe school A which is more academic has a different marking system that makes the results stretch? Maybe school B is more realistic?
School A maybhave other things built into the curriculum?

My DS went to school 'A' and I worked at school 'B' and B would've suited him more BUT school A suited DD better - it's down to how you feel your daughter will be

AS for extra curriculum - isn't that your job? The outdoors adventures the dance classes football practice museums plays etc?

Which can you give that the other school can't?

Original poster
Gaggleofgirls · 10/04/2017 09:03

Yes we'd know what to expect though.

It's socially that worries me about moving her back especially as peer groups will have changed and evolved without her.

Academically and socially it concerns me at new school.

OP posts:
Astro55 · 10/04/2017 09:10

At 5 years old they don't have a social group - they are friends and not friends in a split second - friendship don't really develops until they get to about 8

The 'bitch girl' comment - think of it as a social issue they haven't been taught yet - or an emotional issue - they same way they need to learn maths or science -

Children go to school to learn all sorts of lessons and they grow as they learn - most people are good people and that's because they learnt in childhood