Trying to help 8 yo DS with maths :(

[GahBuggerit]

Hi all

My 8yo DS is not very good at Maths. He can allow his mind to wander off and initially I thought that was what came first, so he wasn't listening to the teachers explanations, but after spending a lot more time with him on the subject I've realised hes switching off because he just doesn't get it, he wants to - tells me he feels stupid compared to his friends :( - but he just can't.

I don't want to blame the teacher as such - she has a class of 20-odd other kids to concentrate on after all, but I do get a general feeling of that shes done all she can with him. She keeps giving him homework that is way to complicated for him when I feel she should give him work that is stretching but also within his capability to try and get him enthusiastic about it again. I keep leaving notes on his homework asking for advice on how I can explain things and / or work that is at his level so we can work together to get him up to where he needs to be but I get nothing back.

Homework is a nightmare, tears, upset, frustration, so my stance has always been if its upsetting, we stop it. There have been times when hes pretended to be upset but Im generally pretty good at spotting when hes pulling a fast one so we persevere as much as we can until it does eventually get genuinely upsetting (for both of us)

The latest one is subtraction, and me trying to explain "taking" from the next column so eg. 958 - 265 using the method where you do 958 then 265 underneath, 2 lines and subtract 5 from 8 first and so on. However, when I try and explain how, because you can't subtract 6 from 5, you change the 9 to an 8 and add the 1 to the 5 to make it 15, subtract 6 from 15 etc etc - I confuse even myself even though I know what it is I want to explain so I end up saying "its just what you do" which isnt helpful as I want to be able to explain WHY you do this.

I bought a Maths practice book that I thought may help but it doesn't really explain anything, just shows an example, not the why.

I look at the sort of things he should be able to do and I could cry because hes so way off. Dont get me wrong he can be a lazy bugger and very stubborn, but hes very clearly got the ability its just we havent been able to engage him enough.

Can anyone recommend any resources to help me explain this? Or any suggestions as to what I can do?

(Im in work currently so may not be able to respond for a little while)

Thought I'd post a quick update in case anyone else finds it useful. I've got him a 3 month subscription to Carol Vordermans online maths for kids and it's going really well. started from the first level so he's obviously sailing through which is doing wonders for his confidence which for me was the first thing to get nailed. We did some fractions homework earlier this week and we used his collection of tiny monsters, kinder egg toys etc to help him, he struggled at first as he just switched off again but when he 'got' it he said he was finding it really easy so for the first time ever homework ended with smiles all round.

Am feeling like I've massively let him down though because i haven't really tried to help him understand with visual aids before , i don't know why, guess it's just been so long since I've had to understand i just forget he's having to learn it all from the start. A pp was right we definitely need to go back to the start which was another reason why i started him off on the first level on this online maths thing.

The maths for mums and dads book is brilliant, I'm a third of the way through it and can recommend it.

Thanks again everyone for the help and support

That's great!I am glad you find the solution.

That's what I found in my DC school as well, teacher just teach, and children do a little bit of practice, then move along. For some children, it is enough, but for some, they haven't get it, and this then cause problem for later.

Glad to hear that, OP.

Maths for Mums and Dads! I've heard of that. It's quite popular, think it shows you some of the newer workings out now expected, that sort of thing.

That's great that he is doing so well, I hope it carries on.
My ds who is 8 has a maths tutor - ws tried online stuff but it was a struggle to get him to do it. When the tutor is here he just gets on with it! He loves it now and genuinely looks forward to his sessions. He has come on massively and his confidence is back so his homework is less of a battle as he thinks he will be able to do it. We pay £20/hr but only every couple of weeks (it's plenty).
Worth considering a tutor if he gets bored of the online programmes.

is a really nice video showing how you can use dienes to do subtraction. You don't have to have the plastic dienes - I've made 2d versions out of cardboard before that work perfectly well.

Thanks :) tutor will be the next step if he hits a blip or when it starts getting harder but so far so good.....I've given him my old laptop to do his online thing and that's his now so hes liking it even more because of that, loves getting it out the case and ' working'. I promise to leave him alone on it but i can monitor his progress as you get notifications emailed with stats and tips. It's really quite good and very child friendly with characters and so on.....He runs into whatever room I'm in to tell me when he's finished a session and i have to print a certificate off, spending a fortune on ink but i don't care 😊

Lougle that's going to be really helpful thank you

Ive bought the power of 2 for my dyslexic son and daughter-goes through the very basics in maths

My DS is the same age and way behind in maths. He has a diagnosis of discalculia (the maths version of dyslexia). He is taught in a small group setting with other kids who are struggling with maths to some degree. He got very anxious last year when he was being taught in a whole class setting and didn't have a clue what was going on. This year he is a lot happier and is working at a level that is comfortable and productive for him and allowing him to progress. My thoughts are call for a meeting with the teacher as he/ she is obviously not communicating well via the homework books, find out how far behind he is and make a plan. There are some good books such as 'the dyscalculia toolkit'
www.amazon.co.uk/Dyscalculia-Toolkit-Supporting-Learning-Difficulties/dp/1412947650?tag=mumsnetforum-21
and 'Teaching Maths Visually and Actively'
www.amazon.co.uk/d/Books/Teaching-Mathematics-Visually-Actively-Tandi-Clausen-May/144624086X/ref=pd_sim_14_20?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=5ZZBF8E3EFY83DCCW2SY&tag=mumsnetforum-21
Hope things work out!