DD friendships in reception?

[fleur34]

I'm sure this has been done to death... but I need some perspective!

My DD is a very bright, slightly shy, very kind girl. She loves school and doesn't seem at all unhappy there, says she has friends and plays with the other kids... but having observed her at a few class birthday parties, it doesn't seem like she has made firm friendships? Is that normal at this point?

Some of the others seem to hang around in groups/pairs at these events whereas she just kind of floats around on her own...? It doesn't seem like anyone is happy or excited to see her like they are about some of the others? (I realise how ridiculous that sounds!)

We do see quite a few of the kids outside school for play dates etc where I know the mothers and she doesn't seem "lost" like this in that setting, gets on well with them and the children seem to enjoy her company in that situation, just when it's a bigger group so I'm left wondering if that's what it's like every day at school too.

Her teacher says she is happy and "friends with everyone" but I don't know if that is kindly saying she hasn't made firm friends with anyone, iyswim!

I am probably massively over thinking it, and need to hear that if I am!!! But just wondering if it's normal for them not to have especially firm friendships by this point in reception?

Thank you for reading!!! X

I understand how you feel. It is very natural and I observe my son with the same curiosity when he is at parties with his friends.

If she isn't bothered by it, then neither should you. Please don't make an issue of it. She might just be an independent minded person who is happy to be friends with everyone and not feel the need to be the centre of attention or Ms Popular.

Thank you misstic. I think you are right. I am trying very hard not to project onto her!

Many children do not form close friendships until later. It takes a while to suss out children that are like them and they have a connection with. If she is happy be happy for her. She is playing with other children and I actually think that is better than being inseparable from another child at this age. Often playground games involve lots of children and she appears to be joining in. Having a close friend that moves away can feel like a bereavement. Best to have lots of friends and closer ones later.

Much better to be able to slot in with lots of children than have a 'best' friend in my opinion. That way if there are any fallings out, there is always someone else to play with.
Friendships are pretty fluid through foundation and KS1, anyway.

Thanks for the reassurance everyone. Appreciate it, will try and chill out!!

Yea I think it takes time to find someone you click with. And sometimes it changes as they grow. My daughter was lucky and found her best friend straight away at age two! Always together in the class. Even after my daughter transferred to another school a year before her friend they would always love to play together outside of school. And while they were apart my daughter didn't make any new best friends. She was happy to play w different friends or in groups or by herself. Her best friend then joined her school and again they were together all the time. Unfortunately her best friend has now moved out of country! But worked well as my daughter transferred schools when her friend left her school. A coincidence and perfect timing. At the new school it's the same thing of playing w different kids and groups or alone. I'm hoping in the next few months she will bond and click w one friend. It's nice to have a best friend as well as a group of other friends to play.

I felt like this when my DD had been in Reception for a term.

At nursery (private nursery not attached to the school) she always had one or two best friends, and is very outgoing and always seemed to be the leader of a crowd. She didn't know any other children in her class when she started school, but we weren't worried because we knew she was sociable and confident and would find her feet and find new friends.

She did settle well and was happy, but as the weeks went on we noticed that she didn't talk about particular people in her class. She said things like 'X is best friends with Y' but she was never included. She was happy though.

Then, just before Christmas, she suddenly started talking about one particular person and we were so relieved! That person then got a bit obsessed with her and it caused more problems than it solved! Be careful what you wish for :)

Thanks everyone, good to know this is normal for reception/year1!

And yes that's very true re being careful what you wish for!

I think I just compare to my own experience where I was hugely attached to my "best friend" from day 1 and assumed she would be the same. But as you've said, having a "best friend" at this age is not always a good thing...