Lunch Isolation for Almost A Week

[CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger]

DD (8) is a "lively" character, has some issues with concentration (currently been assessed for possible ADHD or similar), but has always been described as "not naughty, just a lively child" by her teachers, this being reflected in the lack of punishments or me being called to discuss any sort of bad behaviour.

Last week DD mentioned to me that she had been sitting on her own at lunchtime as a punishment for stealing a friend's crisps. I wasn't particularly happy with this (especially considering both her and the friend in question say she didn't do this - apparently the evidence was based on her having one of the aforementioned crisps in her hand...given to her by said friend) and told DD that I would go in to have a word, she said "don't worry mum, I don't want to make it even bigger". So I left it.

Today DD said that she was still on a table on her own and was being told that she wasn't allowed to look at anyone. She's now getting pretty upset about it and asking why she's being punished so much when she didn't even do it.

I am not a fan of isolation as a punishment in general, unless other forms of punishment have been exhausted (and not deterred the child), or to protect the safety/wellbeing of the other pupils, and especially not for the length of time it has been going on for.

Even of she "did the crime" then I really feel that the punishment is very excessive - apparently she has to earn their trust back before they will let her return to her friends.

I'm thinking maybe there is more to the story and things are more serious - to the extent that it warranted such a punishment? But if so, then surely this would have warranted a call to me to discuss her behaviour?

I've got no experience in the area of school punishments/discipline - dd being an only child and having not been given a punishment to date (that I'm aware of anyway!).

Am I being all special snowflakey about this (I am pretty damn angry) or do you think my feelings are justified?

N.B: I'm planning on speaking to them tomorrow morning.

There will be reasons, and those reasons will not involve having one of your friend's crisps in your hand.

YANBU because your DD does not understand why she is being punished so the punishment is not going to help. She doesn't know what she needs to change so she can't change it.

I would have the chat as a fact finding mission - just say something like 'as you know we are very keen to work with school on all things. This wk dd has mentioned a sanction she has been given in relation to lunchtime. It would be great just to have an update on what the issue was do we can work on it at home'.

Then once you know the facts you can decide how to respond.

Yes, fact finding is definitely the slant I'll be going for.

User - that's my point though, if the issue is significant enough to warrant such a punishment then why on earth wasn't I called?

Ime schools sometimes think they are doing you a favour by dealing with it in school. One of my dc was constantly on the thundercloud thing on the behavioural chart and being given sanctions. I found out all about evrtything they'd done from the parents at a school disco who all told me what their dc had passed on!!

Blimey Pretty

I wonder whether this is a punishment handed out by a midday assistant in the canteen rather than by one of the teachers. Therefore it is a question as to whether this is an official punishment or a midday being rather zealous. Ask your daughter who has handed out the punishment and see if it one of the teachers.

If it is a midday I would go into school and ask some questions, not phone them up. I think you should go in with the view that DD has blotted her copybook big time and deserves the punishment but you would like to know what has been going on.Then see what reaction you get.

If it is a teacher then you still need to know about what has been going on but can expect to hear a slightly different view from what your DD is saying.

From what I understand it was a midday supervisor who was initially involved, who then raised it with her teacher.

Unfortunately her teacher isn't in until Thursday - I was going to go in tomorrow and speak to the headteacher in her absence, but wondering if I should wait, as her teacher obviously know more. Although that would mean 2 additional days of isolation for DD, which I'm not happy about.

Explain the situation to your DD and see if she is OK with waiting for two days. If she knows you are going to get to the bottom of it all she might not mind. If she is really upset do go into the school.

Is the teacher away sick or on training? If she is on a training course she might check her emails and be able to reply occasionally during the day.

Well something isn't right - whether it's your DD's report, your DD's understanding of the situation in the first place, or an over-zealous punishment for an incident that may or may not have happened. I'd speak to someone and find out tomorrow, Thursday is another 2 days.

The teacher is away training - although the supervisor (who is also the cook) is there, so will go in today.

Yes, you definitely need to talk to school.

As you say, either the punishment is over zealous or they should be telling you what is going on. The behaviour that is apparently causing her to be isolated may be relevant to her assessment.

Yes, you need to find out what has happened. Given your description of her as 'lively' it is possible that she has been separated from the other DC so they can eat without distraction.

If she has not been taken aside from those she is disturbing before, then this will be difficult for her.

I guess it could be that Whisky, but I should have definitely been called in that case. If her behaviour has got to the stage that it's that disruptive then things have clearly escalated significantly.

Had a chat with the HT - at face value (i.e. what I told her... so what DD told me) she agrees that it is excessive and that something strange is going on which she needs to look in to. She isn't aware of any ongoing issues with DD that may explain the extent of the punishment. So we will wait and see.

And that in its own right is an issue. In most primary schools the head teacher will be aware of what behavioural issues are going on in the school. So if they do not know there is a problem which both them and you need to get to. I think you have an over zealous individual involved, which I would expect the head teacher to get to the bottom of.

Cuppa, what an excellent response from your HT - hopefully things will be clearer soon.

No word from the HT as yet - but DD came bounding out of school and told me she's back sitting with her friends at lunchtime :)

Hopefully will get to the bottom of it in the next day or so.