Are my kids behind

[smileyreiley]

Hi, I have 2 kids in primary ed, 5yo in reception early birthday and 7yo in yr3 late summer birthday
I only ever practiced writing skills with my kids in nursery, not reading, and with both have gone at the pace of the phonics in reception - reinforcing and practicing what in see coming home from school.
However I think other parents are doing much more and their kids are in higher groups in their classes
7yo reading stage 9 at Oxford reading tree, and is in a mixed yr 2/3 class prob at higher end but in her year group (ie for transfer to secondary ) will be in bottom half- is she disadvantaged??
I work full time and have another 2yo
I get home round 6, and kids just want to play and spend time with me an DH at that time
I would have to consider cutting work hrs (big impact on family finances) if need to invest more time into extra work. Totally willing to do that if I think will bring kids on
I am surprised both not more ahead academically than they are as they very bright ( sociable and confident kids) and tbh I am secretly a bit disappointed as I myself was Gifted academically with excellent exam results that allowed me great advantage in professional life.
I am at a real crossroads here deciding what to do, don't want to lean undue pressure and become overbearing parent if child is at their max ability, but problem is i just don't know if they are or if I have allowed them to fall behind where they could be!!!
All honest advice and comments welcome

Since you covered maths, I would recommend these sites.

English Grammar

Reading comprehension

Also for writing and grammar - I get them to write thank you cards for any gifts, and they write emails or letters to grandparents who live far away to tell them what they have done. They like it, and it doesn't feel like school. Then they obviously have to read reply

Unlimiteddilutingjuice has it so spot on, on two counts that I'm spooked, are you a wiser version of me? Guessing you're also in/from Scotland by the name.

"I mainly use my own intelligence for thinking up new things to worry about and more complex ways to experience anxiety."

^^This me too.

"I don't think you have to be that bright to do well. Perseverance and diligence are probably more important and they are qualities that can be taught in all sorts of ways."

Couldn't agree more. I have worked with superbrainy people that lacked the common sense to put their brains to good use, and people who had not experienced academic success at school age (e.g. left school with no qualifications at all) but they were effective and successful in the workplace once they found their thing. DB had a friend who was advised at school to take a course in bricklaying. He worked as a bouncer for a while. He now has a PhD in neuroscience.

I was a gifted child academically. I went to a rubbish primary that didn't push me at all, followed by a very pushy academic private secondary school (on a scholarship place). So my personal belief is that the earlier years don't matter too much (as long as they're getting the basics) and it's easy for a really bright child to catch up later.

I think do need to prepare yourself for the possibility that your DC aren't as bright as you were / are. Of course you want them to realise their potential though.

Kids develop and learn at different rates

Ds1 (winter born) was a free reader half way through year 3
Ds2 (summer born) was a free reader at end of year one

We do the same things with both of them at home but TBH it is along the lines of what school ask for

We listen to both read each day for 10 min (school request 20 but I feel it's too much)

They have twelve spellings a week which we practice, and three pieces of written homework which we always ensure is done

Oh and the elder one who found reading harder is funnily enough the one who will read for fun!

I don't really think there's anything wrong with doing some work at home, and it will make good habit for children imo. My father done it with me when I started school, and it really opened my eyes for fun in learning new things and realising that I can do it.

I've done the same with my ds, by sitting down everyday after school from start of reception, reading books together, and doing some workbooks/online work.( though it was really early compared to me starting at 6), but he is in good habit of doing work everyday without any push from me now (age 9). He enjoy it.

I agree with OP, education is really important from early stage. DS1's school has 8 scholar every year, you can clearly see some scholar are really gifted, they learn things easily, but also some scholar not so bright(of course still very bright compare to average), but they work harder and has a solid knowledge base and achive equally high.

Espeically in primary school, the stuff is relatively easy, the children who have done a little bit extra may become the top of the class, then will try to maintain this position. I am an example myself, as I had a relax primary school, was in middle to top of the class, but got a chance to get a really good score(my mum did some extra with me to prepare for the fianl exam) in the final exam of primary school. Then I tried really hard to keep on the top of the class throughout my junior high.

Every school is different, I won't leave my children just to the school. The teachers are teaching to 30 children, they don't have the time to get each individual to reach their potential. Even my DS1's school and DS2's primary school are quite differently. DS1's school was not as good as DS2's school from Ofsted report and the final SATs score. However, DS1's school did pay more attention to their most bright children, they have headmaster class for 10 of their brightest children to do some extra work every week( only 1 session), they have a talented programme, and their teacher really give extra stuff for the few bright children to do. But for DS2's school, they are quite good for everyone, but they don't provide much extra for bright children. DS2 often has nothing to do at math, as he finished long time ago, then he is just asked to go around to help other children. I am fine with this, but I realised that's the reason this school don't have any advanced children in KS2 exam.

Hi OP,

some interesting and good advice on here. I'd just like to add one perspective: Your children are still very young (your eldest would be in their first year of schooling in my home country - I started school at age 7.3 and was able to read a little (think ~yellow band) and was thought of as extremely advanced). And I think up to a certain age, the learning that happens through the immediate experience of the world around you is more crucial than abstract, mediated things like reading, writing and maths.

I am also convinced that nearly every infants-aged child has the potential to learn more, academically, at an earlier age, than they do at school; as in, children are mentally capable of learning more, faster. School is not actually very efficient at teaching these things.
Parents who support their children at home by teaching/practising stuff in addition to sending them to school tap into that potential.

However, just because children are capable of learning academic stuff at an early age, does not mean that they should, that it is the best thing for them in the long term. IMO for young children immediate, direct experiences are more important than abstract, mediated learning, even if they are capable of the latter.

Of course if you have the time, you can do both. As many home educators indeed do. But if your English Infants aged kids are at school full time, then the one thing they are most likely to miss out on is direct, immediate experiences of the world.
So if you have a little time to spend with them, you can choose: Give them time and opportunity for direct, immediate experiences, or tap that extra abstract learning potential. Up to age 7 or 8 I personally would always go for the immediate, the concrete. I would choose half an hour of cycling around the neighbourhood, experiencing distance and direction, topography and landscape, balance and speed, over studying the geography of Kenya. Using bricks to build a castle, experiencing how amounts and shapes work together, over practising number bonds. And even building a den, quarrelling with siblings, doing chores, going along for shopping, hanging around feeling 'bored', ... (gaining the experiences that will enable/strengthen reading comprehension) over reading about fictional children building a den, quarrelling with siblings, doing chores, going along for shopping, or hanging around feeling bored.

So, perhaps OP your children ARE 'behind' - behind where they could be if you worked on their academics with them, behind their peers who do extra work outside of school. But perhaps you are doing them a favour!

I agree with the above post about the education is not only the academic stuff, but lots of other things. However, all these need energy and time.

Thanks Kinglooiecatz I am in Scotland! You can find me on another thread right now, vigorously defending Maryhill, so all that early promise clearly didn't translate into riches and fame!

My daughter is 4, and we manage to do reading just before bed so around 8pm. We rarely do any writing homeworks until the weekend. I'm a stay at home mom and after school I take kids to the park or gymnastics, swim etc. I do feel I should be doing more learning stuff. But at 3 and 4 I feel kids should be playing and getting exercise after school. I always read to them before bed. Oh and we are learning french together. My daughter goes to a french school (English speaking family). I wasn't always practicing reading w my daughter until I heard other parents were doing. I was focusing more on learning french, but stepped it up a bit. I've also began to read chapter books to her to let her practice listening w out so many pictures to look at. As I read about parents doing this so wanted to try 😃

4 is quite young, I think learning should hide with games at this age,like play some board games( like snake and ladders , bus stops etc) to help her understand the number, talk to her about different things. As long as DC keep up in the school, it is fine.